The 2012 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup – Round Fifteen

Greetings Tipsters

When is a team truly down and out for the season? Sure, the bottom six definitely are and the next five are really only battling for the honour of being the first team to get kicked out of the finals. But above that, where do you draw the line?

Folks, you don’t have to, because we here at the Stop Privatisation Of Football Productions offices have drawn it for you! We sent the work experience girl out for wine and pizzas, fired up the stereo and had ourselves a good ol’ donnybrook for several hours. Failing to come to agreement on the respective standings of The Who and The Kinks, the talk turned to football.

Take the reigning premiers, f’rinstance. The Schoolies almost did. The Pivotonians first term was a cluelessly inept display that would have had far worse results on the scoreboard if not for the Schoolies’ dysfunctional forward line. Then I fell asleep on the couch and, apart from opening one eye in time to catch young Gaz shimmying around a couple of Pivos to slot a goal, the next thing I saw was Vin Diesel drag racing in Los Angeles.

We can’t be too hard on the boys from Corio Bay, dynasties usually end all of a sudden. A few key retirements, a few players losing the Damascus steel-like edge and gods become mortals again. Three flags in five years aint a bad return.

A few weeks ago your correspondent was prepared to suggest any of the top six could win a flag. Well, the chilly winds of winter tend to winnow the wheat from the chaff, now it’s the top five. Longtime faithful may ascribe it to fate, for daring to mess with the jumper, but the Mosquitos can safely be written off. It’s a rebuilding year and we can expect Jim to start talking about the benefits of developing the kids within the next few weeks.

Just one step up the ladder, but it’s a damn big step, is the Mayblooms. Yeah, of course, they were playing the Barbecues and no-one foresaw any other result, but the magnitude of it was one hell of a statement. Seventeen goals after halftime, with the best forward in the AFL sitting on the bench, even if it is against a team of teenagers, aint anything you sneeze at too lightly. Almost scary, Bundy Clarkson’s fellows used the second half to finetune their ‘process’ – as in football, not hair – to great effect. Mad Sheeds opined that his opponents would play in the Grand Final.

Against? The 4&20s had the loss they had to have against a team that aren’t really up to it, but lifted against the old enemy. Would the Royals have played like that against the Wiggles or the Murder? Unlikely. That ol’ enemy is still a potent team but the lack of continuity with so many players being injured and suspended must be causing Nat’s wife to call ‘Come to bed, honey, pleeease’ most every night.

Maybe he’s thinking about tattoo sleeves. There was a lot of ink on display Frinight. Fatarse Inkpot’s sleeves have already been subject to discussion. Skinny Inkpot has only one sleeve but the beginnings of a trouser down his right leg. At least half the players on the field seemed to bear some ink, a bit on a leg, a slogan inside the upper arm, something creeping out of the armhole on the jumper, it all reminded me of a young woman who has ‘Love the life you live’ tattooed on the inside of her forearm and I’ve always wanted to ask her “Can’t you just remember it? It’s only five words.”

At least the Inkpots have gone the whole hog, with some serious artwork. I’m looking forward to some real culture coming into this fad, that one day a centre half-back will show up with Manet’s ‘Olympia’ tattooed on his arm or, gee, dare I imagine, Renoir’s ‘The Boating Party’. I guess teams’ll have to play without jumpers for the full effect, but skins v shirts works in social situations, I’m sure it’ll work in the professional sphere.

A Royals player was wearing long sleeves last weekend. So was a young Barbecue and a Schoolie, who also bore pigtails. Maybe tattooes are already passe and long sleeved jumpers and fancy hair are the next big thing.

Oh, what’s that? Yes, thank you. (The work experience girl just came in with a bottle of absinthe and a pack of Stuyvoes.)

Top three this week are the Sparkies, the Wiggles, the Murder. Horse was quick to mention that no-one remembers who was top of the ladder after Round Fourteen, but, being an Interstater, I feel I oughta point it out. And all you Victorians should listen to Wilson Pickett’s ‘Land of 1000 Dances’, –  especially the naa-nana-nana bit.

Sparkies spotted the Gorillas three goals, then overhauled them and Sam Reid kicked six, so maybe having a Coleman medallist for a coach is starting to pay off. I only caught this match in bits and pieces because my niece was married on Saturday and Dad and I would sneak off to watch the game for a bit before a messenger would be sent to inform us that “Speeches are on” or “They’re cutting the cake.” Her older sister was married on Grand Final Day 2007, I’ve had words with their father about this. The last one single is Tim, who used to play for the McVeigh’s local club on the Central Coast, so I’m pretty confident that if he does tie the knot, he’ll do it in October.

Dean Cox got the Wiggles over the line and the percentage is looking good. While the Murder are up there and playing good football, one might be a bit concerned that their defence ranks eighth. Mayhap, this has no bearing on football played in the first days of spring, when a young man’s fancy turns lightly to thoughts of love, but nonetheless…

I still won’t split the Top Five, well, not for another week or two at least.

Cheers Tipsters

P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Football Production
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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. The Wrap says

    Got it all right again Earl. I like the way The Mustard Pots have set themselves for this one. I would have liked it better if they’d rested The Budweiser. What were they thinking of? Surely not his Coleman chances? And they can forget about their Skipper; he’s gone for the duration.

    I’m not sure about Carringbush. Figjam’s going to have his work cut out holding them together, especially if Cloke signs with another club. He’s not playing all that well either. What did one Magpie fan say? Not even a decent poncho, never mind a cloak.

    The Coasters showed their metal down at Blundstone Arena & the Free Settlers likewise against the Endangered Species the weekend before. And the tradesman-like Swanees just keep doing what has to be done.

    Injuries will decide, and the Star Chamber outcomes. Get the calendar dates sorted Earl, there’s plenty of footy yet to come.

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