Round 3 – Carlton v Collingwood: The Man Of Steele


A Friday night in Metropolis. A beautiful, balmy Friday night in Metropolis. We’re here for the ultimate battle. The genuine rivalry. The fight between light and dark. Between good and evil.


As we descend upon the MCG (Metropolis Cricket Ground), we realise we’re too late. The mighty stadium is lit up in a dastardly, villainous colour. The navy blue of the Royal Parade Legion of Doom. They’ve claimed it as their own.


The dastardly colours of the Legion of Doom


As the Legion of Doom have home game rights, we’re shunted up to the top deck of the Ponsford Stand. Usually a stronghold for supporters of the heroes, many of those aligned to the villains have infiltrated our ranks. We choose to remain in our seats, yet always on high alert.


Their followers are here in big numbers. Their stadium graphics and pre-bout music are much better orchestrated than what the heroes rolled out the previous week when they controlled the venue. The heroes aren’t even able to offer a banner without a spelling mistake.


“Good job with the banner tonihgt team”


‘Daisy’ fought the battle for good for many years. With great success. Before being tempted by the dark forces. He marks and goals within the first minute. Soon after the Legion of Doom have 3 goals. The heroes haven’t looked like scoring. This looks to be a crisis in multiple quarters.


The heroes are stung into action. Our mild-mannered number 22 knows it’s up to him. Sidebottom is everywhere, feeding the ball out, driving the team forward. He has inspired and lifted the team like only a leader can. Hoskin-Elliott kicks the first two for the forces of good. Josh Thomas goals. Ben Reid marks and goals. The heroes hit the lead at the first change.


The procession from the heroes is relentless. 5 goals to none in the second quarter. The Man of Steele joins in on the goalkicking fun. Josh Thomas kicks two for the quarter. We’ve got the better Thomas on the night. The other leader, The Dark Knight, aka Pendles, is in an unfamiliar role, doing a run with job on emerging villain Cripps. No surprise that the legendary hero succeeds in his role.


The Legion aren’t going to go down without a fight. General Casboult escapes his Phantom Zone shackles and kicks three in the third quarter. 26 points the difference at the last change, the navy blue hordes in the stands still hopeful, baying for the heroes blood.

It was Sidebottom again who ignited the black & white flame with a superb dribbled goal from the forward pocket. Super stuff. Ensured we wouldn’t be kneeling before Casboult.


The combatants took turns in goal scoring after that, with the Blues kicking a couple right at the end to narrow the margin. Disappointing the heroes couldn’t quite bury the Legion after the 10 goal onslaught, but we will take any win over the villains from Princes Park. In my lifetime we’ve never been ahead of Carlton in the head-to-head ledger. After tonight we sit tantalisingly close at 127-124.


Magnificent game from Steele Sidebottom. Such a clever, creative player. Has been throughout his 188 games, but he’s found a new level the past 18 months. Grundy is dominating in the ruck. Sam Murray has been a wonderful acquisition. Faster than a speeding bullet off half back, uses the ball well. Aish showing signs he is ready to establish himself as a top tier player, while Callum Brown played his best game for the club, ferocious tackler, fantastic hands in close and a good decision maker. Just some work required on his kicking.


Having saved the city from the navy blue Legion of Doom, tune in next Friday to see the heroes fly to Adelaide to take on a strong nemesis in their colosseum.
Same Steele time.
Same Steele channel.


Go Pies.


CARLTON 3.2 3.4 7.8 11.10 (76)
COLLINGWOOD 4.0 9.4 13.4 16.4 (100)


Carlton: Casboult 4, C.Curnow 2, Thomas, Garlett, Cripps, Kreuzer
Collingwood: Thomas 5, Hoskin-Elliott 3, Sidebottom 3, Reid 3, Treloar, Aish


Carlton: Casboult, Murphy, C.Curnow, E.Curnow
Collingwood: Sidebottom, Grundy, Thomas, Crisp, Aish, Murray, Hoskin-Elliott


Umpires: Foot, Margetts, Dalgleish

Official crowd: 68,548 at the MCG


Malarkey Medal Votes:
3. The Man of Steele
2. Brodie Grundy
1. Josh Thomas

About Luke Reynolds

Cricket and Collingwood tragic. Twitter: @crackers134


  1. Peter Fuller says

    All too accurate a summary of a dire night for the Blues. I can assure you that this member of the “Navy Blue hordes” had no expectations at 3/4 time. We were done well and truly, and as you imply the couple of junk time goals were meaningless except for the statisticians.
    I also agree with your best players for the Magpies, Sidebottom was outstanding. I think I might have sneaked Reid in for the one vote, as he was responsible like all good CHFs for straightening the team up. I’d argue that was the major factor in the impressive accuracy, was it nine or more goals without a behind?
    You’ve had a good weekend pretty much at my expense. I was half watching Victory’s struggle against Wellington and hoping that it might confirm City finishing third – which in truth should happen anyway. As usual, the lucky b******s managed to get out of jail.

  2. george smith says

    It is as if the guys who were so abysmal in Canberra decided to throw off their crapfulness and prove they are good footballers – Aish, Sidebottom, Thomas, Lanky Yank, Treloar – all played well. Stuffing up the banner was usually a signal for a crap outing but not tonight…

    As for Schrodinger, us Marvin the Androids are still waiting. The date with the lovely Penny seems tantalisingly close, but the ghosts of dead moggies from the past 6 years still swirl about.

    As I write, a female Leonard Hofstadter complains in The Guardian that whenever she fancies a bloke, he chooses one of her friends. Ah l’amour, the triumph of hope over experience…

  3. John Butler says

    Whatever medication you are on Luke, can I have some? I suspect I’ll need it to get through this season.

    That 68,000 showed up to watch this just shows the market for nostalgia should never be underestimated.

    I finished the night still unsure if the Pies are any good at all. Which doesn’t reflect well on us.

    Enjoy the moment. It may not last.

  4. Luke, we have played two top-tier teams and the ‘Legion of Doom’ and beaten the latter largely by kicking straight for a change. Whilst beating the ‘Legion’ is almost as satisfying as making finals, I, like JB, am none the wiser in terms of whether we will be good enough to push into the top 8. Kicking straight is a start.

  5. I really enjoyed reading this when I was editing it, Luke. Well played.

    But…for any Collingwood supporter to paint themselves as the good guys is really taking liberties!

  6. Rulebook says

    Great stuff Luke,Aishy is getting there and a abundance of v v good ruckman,Grundy is as good as any

  7. E.regnans says

    Smokie – it’s all relative.

    Well played, Luke.
    For years, whenever S Sidebottom goes near it, my involuntary action is to sing “Shipping Steel(e), shipping Steel(e)…”

    Did you see the score in the magoos?

  8. Luke Reynolds says

    Peter- yes Reid was very good. Spot on about the Victory, they were far from convincing against Wellington. But surely it’s Sydney FC’s championship?

    George- I didn’t mention the lanky yank, but he took some really strong marks. More of that please.

    JB- no medication, the past few years have taught me to enjoy our wins. Who knows when the next one will be.

    BD- what a nice change for us to kick straight.

    Cheers Smokie. Thanks for not editing out my liberties!

    Thanks Rulebook. Grundy is a star. Aish has been fantastic the past two games, uses the ball really well.

    ER- had thought about using that Chisel song for this piece. Couldn’t quite get it to work.
    Did see the magoos score, the Dizzy Gillespie 201! Some big names in the goalkickers, and nice to see J.Daicos get 30 possesions.

  9. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Hey Luke, did the Legion trot out its Hovercraft of Mirth?

    I saw a threatened return from the People’s Elbow online (with an accompanying photo that wouldn’t have been out of place in this piece), but he seems to have had second thoughts. Pity.

  10. Another great read Luke

  11. Luke Reynolds says

    Swish- sadly no hovercraft. Saw that same tweet from the Elbow, it’s not too late for some words on the game from him.

    Thanks Lizzie!

  12. Lovely work Luke. Is Sidebottom the next captain or could it be a player such as Treloar? Good to see Grundy from my old club The Unley Jets travelling well (although he was a toddler when I finished!).

    Whilst the spelling on the Pies’ banner was regrettable, I think the days of the attempted witticisms are done.

  13. Luke Reynolds says

    Cheers Mickey.
    Sidebottom clearly the next skipper for mine. I wouldn’t let Treloar anywhere near the job.

  14. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Nice take on the evening Luke. The LOD v The Evil Empire. We aren’t the good guys. Do we really want to be? Good signs from Murray..liked his dash. Carlton were shit but we’ll take the win anytime. Steele a class above. Treloar looked dangerous up forward. Why didn’t he stay there?

  15. Luke Reynolds says

    Thanks Phil.
    Happy to be the bad guys as long as we’re winning.
    Good point about Treloar, with his pace could be a very dangerous forward.

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