Round 19 Geelong (v Hawthorn) player ratings

Round 19 Geelong (v Hawthorn) Player Ratings

Jimmy Bartel

Eased himself into the game. Played an elder-statesman scaffolding role.


Rating: 10/10


Paul Chapman

As reliable as an atomic clock. Needed a jaw as hard as tungsten carbide to complete a fine game.


Rating: 10/10


Allen Christensen

Copped a sly elbow. Often confused with Stokesy. Serviceable.


Rating: 10/10


Mitch Duncan

Possibly Geelong’s most highly-skilled player. A beautiful kick for goal. Progressing nicely.


Rating: 10/10


Corey Enright

As per usual in the right spot at the right time effecting timely spoils.


Rating: 10/10


Tom Hawkins

A behemoth. Has learnt to kick for goal like a Johnno or like a Plugger. Marks like Billy Ryan (No. 26). His kick is now in Geelong’s Hoop of Fame.


Rating: 10/10


Josh Hunt

A strained quad forced him from the ground. That’s some strain.


Rating: 10/10


Taylor Hunt



Rating: 10/10


Steve Johnson

Field Marshall. Geometer. Johnno is Bertrand and Lexcen rolled into one. A visionary who will coach Geelong one day. He may think he does now. Second best on ground. I’m thinking of writing a book called 50 Shades of Johnno.


Rating: 10/10


James Kelly

Brilliant early. Workmanlike for the last three quarters.


Rating: 10/10


Tom Lonergan

Unobtrusive yet superb. Possesses composure and displays unerring judgement.


Rating: 10/10


Andrew Mackie

The voice of the backline. Know when to sneak down forward to kick a sausage roll.


Rating: 10/10


Steven Motlop

Prefer him as a starter than as a substitute.


Rating: 10/10


James Podsiadly

Perfect decoy.


Rating: 10/10


Matthew Scarlett

Still able to read from the scriptures of Dench and Moore. Scarlo is close to perfecting the 15.1 metre length kick.


Rating: 10/10


Joel Selwood

Geelong’s Steve McQueen.

He takes his creed from the lyrics of Chumbawamba:

I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.

Possesses an amazing ability to execute his skills under fierce pressure. His pass to Hawkins being exhibit A.


Rating: 10/10


Jackson Sheringham

He’s a chance this fellow. May need a bit of Guerra work upstairs.


Rating: 10/10


Billie Smedts

On an upwards trajectory. Brilliant goal assist to Hawkins late in the final stanza.


Rating: 10/10


Orren Stephenson

Never seen a big bloke try so hard. Admirable. Big challenge next week.


Rating: 10/10


Mathew Stokes

Often confused with Christensen. Serviceable.


Rating: 10/10


Harry Taylor

A perfect advertisement for executing the Utkatasana pose.


Rating: 10/10


Josh Walker

Showed he can be a good mover in heavy traffic with a goal borne from competitive will. Comes from good stock.


Rating: 10/10


  1. Siamese Cat says

    Your analysis: 10/10. The comment about Sheringham made me snort. He looks very nude when it rains. Go on son, do a Guerra.

  2. Basso Divor says

    Great assessment Peter. I was wondering if there was going to be a Spinal Tap-esque ’11’ somewhere in there! Anybody else think Sheringham is Boomer Harvey’s doppelganger?

  3. Very reasoned piece, PJF.
    There was a lot to like about last night. I thought Stephenson (didn’t his father Adlai run for President against Eisenhower?) was genuinely serviceable and matched Hale.
    Lonergan played the best game I have seen from him since the GF.
    Smedts, Duncan and Motlop are good amongst the kids. Dunno about the others.
    Stokes needs time in the Magoos, and Podsiadly looked out of touch (so I don’t know why Clarkson wasted Gibson on him). He did a pretty good job of beating himself most times when he got near it.
    As our swimmers now know, being able to find your best under pressure is a rare skill.
    Next Friday night will be a cracker.
    See you at the Oxford in Leederville for a heart starter.
    Shandy looks forward to catching up with Chappy. They are both old dogs with new tricks (like their owners).

  4. Flynny – you obviously used all your mathematical analytical skills in reviewing this game.

    I gave the bloody water boy 10/10 for his efforts! Love those Cats boys.

  5. Yes. 10/10 Mr Flynn. Only beg to differ on the Joel Selwood/Steve McQueen comparison – I’d go with Paul Newman (it’s in the eyes).
    And yes, Peter B, Stephenson is the son of Adlai – a candidate endorsed by John Steinbeck. It all makes sense.

  6. Siamese Cat says

    Very, very astute comments from Jen about Sel’s eyes.

  7. Andrew Starkie says

    not that you’re biased or anything.

    Sheringham can play.

    Roos v Cats first final. Will smash ya!

  8. Matt Zurbo says

    Top stuff! Spot on about Selwood! And I just re-watched Bullitt!!! Uncanny!

  9. Skip of Skipton says

    I can see now why Smedts was a first round draft pick. I hope he doesn’t try and do too much all the time, like Bews used to, side-stepping and what not. The smother for T-Bone’s 5th was brilliant.

  10. Hard-hitting and accurate review, Mr Flynn.

    As far as Pods is concerned (for others in the general mediasphere making comments), he was needed and did his job. Not only did he keep Gibson away from Hawkins, but he kept him out of the game.

    As many Hawkers said after 2008 “he sacrificed his own game” for the team. And made many mistakes along the way, but it was his first game back, cut him some slack.

  11. Good one Flynny. Good to see you being even handed and fair and unbiased, and I would have rated them the same, and I fly under different colours. I now watch Geelong to enjoy how they do it. It was a wonder to behold, great Friday night football to boot. And Hawkins is all grown up now and confident to take his place in the world of the Cats legends. Well done all. Can you ask them to please tone it down a little when they play the Saints in two weeks….

    Just a thought


  12. Peter,

    Can’t fault your ratings from a statistical (or Cats-supporting) perspective. Elegant.

    I reckon Sheringham should use Chappy as his role model football and hairdo wise – beard optional.

  13. Peter Flynn says

    Thanks all.

    A bit of fun.

    It’s ‘normal’ for the mean, median and mode to coincide.

    PB, can you believe I’m in Busselton the following week? I can recommend the pork belly at the Oxford.

    Starks, I’ll be worried if its Sunday night at the MCG.

    I agree with Wrap-man about Chappy. He’s been in good nick. And kicking goals.

  14. 1/10

    Just kidding. Loved it!

  15. Rick Kane says

    Mr Flynny

    Obviously you submitted your marks 10 minutes into the second quarter.

    In marking Selwood, you said, he “possesses an amazing ability to execute his skills under fierce pressure. His pass to Hawkins being exhibit A.” I would contest that Exhibit A was how coolly he shrugged off Sewell enabling him time to then place the ball, millimetre perfect, into a Stepford son, Hawkins big mitts.

    Other than that, love yer work.


  16. I saw so many JS exibits it would take several alphabets to logically catalogue them Rick.

    By the way, I am very pleased that you are up and about again.

    How’s Guerra’s elbow? It copped a couple of very heavy knocks on Friday night; unless of course my telly slo-mo is dodgey.

    Even though he seemed to get an amnesty from MRP I wonder if coach ‘plaster blaster’ was so benevolent when he noted that he cost the Hawks the game with that one to JPod’s throat. Handy goal that.

  17. Phantom, I think AC was conducting a clinic for the under 9’s in: How to win a game when you are 50 points down and the umpies are on your side.
    Apparently Guerra’s elbow is on ice and healing nicely.

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