John Kingsmill’s Footy Diary



Is anyone else prepared to admit
they’ve fallen
 in love with Jaimee Rogers?

I’m blond. I declare that up front;
I’m not embarrassed about laying
my cards on the table. Us blonds
have become subject to cruel jokes

ever since Marilyn Monroe seduced
a simpler world. Jaimee has big eyes,
a round mouth, and a voice that’s
still migrating from the teenager’s

gravel squeak. She needs a few more
years, some yoghurt and honey,
before she’ll be able to seduce
the skin off an apple, or the thorns

from a rose by merely standing
in front of its tree. But, I’ve fallen
in love with her already. She speaks
my language with enough betting plomb

to make me want to lay a bet between
quarters and then, with the winnings,
propose to her. Our children would
be blond, of course. We would not

let them bet. We’d instruct them
to open their mouths and pronounce
their consonants and vowels fully
and, always, smile as they spoke.


  1. John, thank you for your brave piece. It has helped me realise that I am not alone, for my heart also beats madly when Ms Rogers graces my television screen. Thank you.

  2. Good stuff, John.
    A great way to start the day!

  3. DBalassone says

    I echo Cookie’s thoughts here. She is a bright angel.

    Very nice work John, though I sense a hint of sarcasm in there.

  4. Well, my post is devoid of sarcasm. I very much appreciate Ms Rogers appearance on my TV sceeen, though not overly supportive of the product she’s spruiking!

  5. Dennis Gedling says

    The term ‘makes my piss boil’ comes to mind when it comes to Jaimee Rogers on my screen. The mute button is used quick smart if at home. I’d much rather have Jaimee Rogers, the original drummer of You Am I and brother of Almanac 09 forward writer and You Am I frontman Tim Rogers on my screen spruking bets.

  6. Jamie is testimony to the maxim that children should be seen and not heard.
    And her “product” like all dangerous goods such as cigarettes and alcohol (thalidomide didn’t have to produce birth defects in all consumers to be inherently dangerous) should be legal to consume by consenting adults, but not promoted in the electronic media.
    “We are the first generation to have colonised our kids” – think about it.

  7. Jamie Simmons says

    John, I’m afraid it’s never going to happen. I’ve noted that Jaimee’s near perfect delivery appears to falter only when she reaches the phone number at the end. Without fail, the only time her eyes leave the camera lens is when it comes to relay the all important contact number. A girl like that, is never going to call you back. Odds on John and Jaimee living happily ever after…..Jaimee’s offering 501-1 at this stage.

  8. Richard Naco says

    So when do we ‘progress’ to the Lara Bungle bit(s)?


  9. Mute button wouldn’t work Dennis. She screams (bless her!) and will convert even the hearing impaired to TAB Sportsbet. Beats the shit out of Glenn Munsie

  10. You must be kidding. I can’t stand the delivery of “Jaimeerogers” and the monosyllabic “TABSportsbet”. I’m not sold on those flashing pearlies either, how about some tar stained gappy choppers to keep it real.

  11. John Kingsmill says

    “So when do we ‘progress’ to the Lara Bungle bit(s)?”

    Never. I’ve got standards.

  12. Hmmm, my memory drifts back to the lyrics of the Cold Chisel classic Ita, and the way Jimmy Barnes felt towards Ita Buttrose when she appeared on his screen. Ahh, Australian iconography.


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