Entertainment All Stars Footy Team
I was looking at the various teams provided on the Footy Almanac and thought, to quote Jimmy Durante – “to get in on the act.”
I’ve selected an Entertainers All Stars line up, derived mainly from names synonymous with the movie and music industry, plus a couple of comedians.
All of these ‘names’ have played at least one game of VFL/AFL football. I’ve listed the team they represented. Where they played for more than one team, I opted for the team for which they played the most games.
I was keen for the team to comprise names of people who would be better known in the entertainment industry than as footballers. Paul Kelly is probably the one name in the line up that arguably could be equally as famous as a player or a musician.
The last line of defence are actors from the 1940s and 50s. The half back line are actors better known from the 60s & 70s although Harry Morgan was in many films pre 1960, he was best known as Colonel Potter in the MASH series.
The centre line is more contemporary although Donald Sutherland does have movie roles that span over 40 years. John C. Reilly is best known as comic actor, who features in Will Ferrell’s movies, while the late Paul Walker was a massive star in the Fast and Furious franchise.
The forward line is Australian music based. There is a little bit of licence with the naming of Danny (Danni) Minogue but it was too good to leave out.
Tom Jones and Ron Wood are the only international musicians, but mega stars in their own right and who better to combine with in the following division than with one of Australia’s biggest international stars than Peter Allan.
Bill Hicks and Tom Green are the comics on the bench. Hicks is an all time favourite of mine while Green was once married to Drew Barrymore. Joining them on the pine are Sam Jones whose best known role was Flash Gordon and the Australian actor, Vic Gordon from Matlock Police fame.
Three of the all time greatest directors basically pick themselves for roles in the coach’s box, with Ron Howard selected as head coach, for his range and variety of work. George Lucas probably looks after defence with his Star Wars experience, while John Ford is renowned for his 1950s westerns where the gunslingers were keen to draw first, therefore he was a logical choice for forward line coach.
So here it is the – Stage & Screen Entertainment All Stars.
Backs: Jeff Chandler (Nth M) Jim Stewart (St K) Robert Taylor (Foots)
H/Backs: Richard Harris (Rich) George Kennedy (Nth M) Harry Morgan (Carl)
Centre: John C. Reilly (Carl) Donald Sutherland (Ess) Paul Walker (Coll)
H/Forwards: Frank Holden (Gee) Russell Morris (Haw) Steve Wright (Sth M)
Forwards: John O’Keefe (Carl) Paul Kelly (Sydney) Danny Minogue (Rich)
Ruck: Tom Jones (Foots)
Ruck/Rover: Peter Allan (St K)
Rover: Ron Wood (Geel)
Interchange: Bill Hicks (Fitz), Tom Green (Haw), Sam Jones (St K), Vic Gordon (Melb).
Coach: Ron Howard (Foots)
Assistant: George Lucas (Sth M)
Coaches John Ford (Nth M)
About Paul Young
As far as I know, I'm the only former VFA player to have won pro-running Gifts on two VFA grounds. But then again I don't know much so I could be wrong. AFL team: North Melbourne but I find they do like to test one’s allegiance by retaining Brad Scott as coach. UPDATE: We could be doing worse. Favourite sport: It depends on the season, the mood and the wife. Education: Went to Uni but discovered if you are street smart you can survive without it. Occupation: Pedestrianism pundit & handicapper ALSO coach of slow moving sprinters. Golf handicap: My temperament and I’ve found not owning any clubs or balls and having no interest in the game has dramatically affected my PGA potential.
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Very clever Paul. We all have too much time on our hands; too much accumulated trivia rattling around our skulls; and access to too much Internet information!
You got me starting to think about movie titles for the 18 AFL clubs – my West Coast Eagles could be The Sundowners starring Robert Mitchum and Deborah Kerr (as Australians!) Looks like another long night ahead.
Love it Paul,
Ronnie Wood certainly did his fair share of ‘roving’ in his heyday. And ‘The Real Thing’ at CHF. Great stuff !!
Bill Thorpe (Fitz)
Paul, this is very clever stuff. Well played!
The title of this article, together with the entertaining innings provided by Australian Test batsman Sam Konstas on the 1st day of the 4th test against India at the MCG got me thinking about doing a corresponding Entertaining Stage & Screen Entertainment All Stars team for Test Cricketers.
The criteria is that either the player’s surname has a form of entertainment, or the player has a close relative who is an entertainer or if the player appeared in any films or on stage after their Test cricket careers ended.
It doesn’t matter if the spelling is incorrect or if the form of entertainment is only part of the surname.
As there were no recognised Test openers, Moin Khan and Victor Trumper were chosen. The batting might be a bit thin on paper, but Sir Donald Bradman should be able to see that his team scores enough runs.
Mitchell Starc was selected to strengthen the bowling and his surname has Star in it.
Here is the World Test Cricket Team of Stage & Screen Entertainment All Stars:
1. Moin Khan (48 Tests Pakistan 1990-2004/actor in the film Saathi 1991)
2. Victor TRUMPER (48 Tests Australia 1899-1912/Trumpeter)
3. Don Bradman (c) (52 Tests Australia 1928-48/granddaughter Greta Bradman is an Operatic Soprano)
4. Sandeep Patil (29 Tests India 1980-84/Actor in the romantic drama The Kabhie Ajnabi 1985)
5. Ajay Jadeja (15 Tests India 1992-2000/Actor in the drama Khel 2003)
6. Syed Kirmani (wk) (88 Tests India 1976-86/Actor in the romantic drama The Kabhie Ajnabi 1985)
7. Roger Harper (25 Tests West Indies 1983-93/Harper)
8. Mitchell STARc (90 Tests Australia 2011-present/Star)
9. Brett Lee (76 Tests Australia 1999-2008/played guitar in band Six & Out and starred in film UnIndian 2015)
10. Harbijhan SINGh (103 Tests India 1998-2015/Singer)
11. Shoaib AKHTAR (48 Tests Pakistan 1997-2007/Surname sounds like actor/co-hosted the game show Geo Khelo Pakistan with Wasim Akram in 2017/launched his own The Shoaib Akhtar Show on the OTT platform UrduFlix in 2023)
12th man: Chris Drum (5 Tests New Zealand 2001-12/Drummer)
This team will play a match an exhibition match the leading on field Test Cricket entertainers.
The match will played at the MCG, where many concerts have been held.
Entertainment will be provided by the players themselves. Highlights of the match will be shown on the Documentary Series “The Test”.
Let’s hope for a good game of cricket with plenty of entertainment!