Crio’s Question: Incongruous endorsements?


“The Diamond Guys – for blokes who love women who love diamonds” are the official jeweller to the AFL Players Association. (sic)
They make a vow…”We’ll talk cuts, clarity and carats and we’ll probably talk a little footy too. Hey, we’ll even offer you an ice-cold beer and a comfy chair to relax in, while you buy a diamond ring for her.”
Too easy, as the kids insist!
Where else but to the AFLPA would you look for this sort of advice?
“Oh darling, it is wonderful…where did you get the beautiful ring?”
“Easy darls, it is AFLPA approved. We had a beer and a chat.”

Incongruous endorsements….
Scarily, agencies spend serious coin on product placement and probably get it right. Oh dear! But not always.
Here’s a collection I found online. Who can add to these or maybe cheekily suggest some other unlikely bed partners?

Pope Leo XIII & Mariani
In the 1880s, Pope Leo XIII, Queen Victoria and Pope Saint Pius X praised Vin Mariani, a popular drink made from Bordeaux wine laced with cocaine from coca leaves! Pope Leo XIII even awarded a gold medal to the drink and appeared in a poster endorsing it. The ad stated, “His Holiness the Pope writes that he has fully appreciated the beneficent effects of this Tonic Wine and has forwarded to Mr. Mariani as a token of his gratitude a gold medal bearing his august effigy.” The drink was the inspiration for a carbonated version called Coca-Cola.

Ozzy Osbourne & I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
I can’t believe it’s… Ozzy Osbourne! Probably the last person you would expect to air a commercial promoting I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in a kitchen while baking fairy cakes.

Gorbachev & Louis Vuitton
Even if you don’t read Russian, a recent print ad for Louis Vuitton is something of a visual joke: Mikhail S. Gorbachev, the last leader of the old Soviet Union, sits in a limousine as it passes a remaining part of the Berlin Wall, an open Louis Vuitton bag beside him.

Mr. T & Flavor Wave Oven Turbo
Mr. T, star of the 1980s TV show The A-Team, hosted an interesting commercial for Flavor Wave Oven Turbo. I guess Mr. T agreed to do an infomercial because he didn’t think his persona had become cheesy enough already. The lines “And of course it had to be low fat” and “I pity the fool that keeps Mr. T waiting” are just priceless.

Joe Namath & Beautymist pantyhose
American football Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath once plugged (and wore!) a line of Beautymist pantyhose in 1974. The camera pans up a pair of long, pantyhose-clad legs to reveal the not so manly football player. The voiceover explains the point of the ad: “This commercial will prove to the women of America that Beautymist pantyhose can make any legs look like a million dollars.” Often overlooked is the tacked-on ending shot of a woman kissing the famed quarterback, thus reaffirming his heterosexuality.

The Olsen Twins & Got Milk?
In 2004 a “Got Milk?” photo advertisement featuring the Olsen twins was pulled following the revelation that Mary-Kate Olsen was being treated for an eating disorder. Apparently, despite of the moustache, the twin was not getting enough milk.

OJ Simpson & Hertz
Perhaps the worst ever celebrity endorsement was car rental company Hertz’s choice for a spokesman: OJ Simpson. Simpson was the most famous pitchman ever for Hertz rental cars. He became a household name in their commercials, where the former Buffalo Bills star running back would dash through airports. But after the infamous OJ Simpson murder case in 1994 (and countless “it hertz” bad jokes), Hertz was stuck with the unsavory link to Simpson. I have to ask, was he using a rented car during the infamous pursuit?




  1. Dr Goatboat says

    There was a brothel that supported a VFA team a few years back I recall….Frankston or thereabouts? I think it was frowned upon by the rulers of the game..

  2. Old Leatherlungs (Doug Elliott) as my Uncle Neil Fergie used to call him ‘you canna hand a man a granda spanna than a Sidchrome”.
    I recall coming to Perth in the mid 90’s before I moved over permanently and seeing Fraser Gehrig doing commercials for bread and new houses. Something told me he knew ‘fuck all’ (to quote a Litzerism) about either.

  3. Skip of Skipton says

    THC infused ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ in Ozzy’s fairy cake recipe I’d wager.

  4. Rick Kane says

    Dylan, Super Bowl ad for Chrysler. Not his first ad. I think that was Victoria’s Secrets. He’s got form.

  5. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Pele and Viagra, Warnie and the Nicorettes, Status Quo and fucking Coles.

  6. Peter Fuller says

    Inspired by Peter B’s identification of Fraser Gehrig and his promotions, I thought of Kurt Tippett and Beaumont Pies/Pastries.
    As a white mongrel, I continue to be amused by OPSM’s sponsorship of the AFL Umps. Not so much incongruous as ironic, perhaps.

  7. Peter Fuller says

    I’m red-faced as I acknowledge my confusion of Beaumont Pies with Balfours Pies – an unforgivable error. It was of course the Balfours, Kurt Tippett connection that caused the Crows’ salary cap problems in 2012-13 and Tippett’s lengthy suspension as his Sydney career began.

  8. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Great pick up Peter, Tippett kicks plenty of pie floaters and the occasional sausage roll.

  9. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    The Decore shampoo ads with various underpaid Collingwood players (e.g. Wakelin and another guy from SA whose name escapes me, but was more famous for this than his actual playing)

  10. Anything that Warwick Capper touched.

  11. Anything…or anyone?

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