Almanac Teams: Follically Challenged Left-Footers

Inspired by that great fandemic Phil Dimitriades and the human exclamation mark Glen! here is a team of follically challenged left-footers.



Just as there is an undeniable scientific connection between the left-footer and the ability to produce a prodigious kick, I wonder if there is also evidence to link these two qualities with baldness.



baldness          +          left-footer        =          prodigious kick


b          +          l-f        =          pk



Apologies to Roughy, Green and Lewis, but I had to extend the baldness definition to include receding hairlines in order to come up with a first XVIII.  Cyril Rioli’s bald patch was on display for all to see yesterday at the MCG, just moments before he injured his medial ligament, while Ben Reid’s recent trip to the barber for charity has perhaps unwittingly thrown his impending baldness into the spotlight.



A cap can only take you so far…First XVIII with a bullet, Jordan Lewis. Via Flickerd, wikipedia commons.



It’s a star-studded line-up containing no less than ten premiership players, two Norm Smith Medals, a Coleman Medal, as well as countless All-Australian guernseys and best and fairest awards.



B:                    Ken Hunter  (Carl)                            Ashley McIntosh (WC)                     Mark Browning (South/Syd)
HB:                 Nathan Eagleton  (Port/WB)          Ben Reid  (Coll)                                 Matthew Lokan (Coll)
C:                    Wayne Schwass (North/Syd)          Michael Long  (Ess)                          Adam Ramanauskas (Ess)
HF:                 Brent Guerra (Port/StK/Haw)       James Podsiadly (Geel/Adel)          Brad Green (Melb)
F:                    Cyril Rioli  (Haw)                               Fraser Gehrig  (WC/StK)                 Josh Walker (Geel/Bris)
R:                    Jarryd Roughead  (Haw)                 Jordan Lewis  (Haw/Melb)              Tony McGuiness (Foots/Adel)




About Damian Balassone

Damian Balassone is a delusional Collingwood supporter who writes poetry and fiction. He is the author of 'Strange Game in a Strange Land'.


  1. Well done Damian, this is a team of interesting, er, combinations.

    In the health field we speak of dual diagnosis and comorbidity, i’m wondering how best to describe the attributes of the cohort making up this side.


  2. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Super team Damo. The left-footed minority in the BBTT Community thanks you for raising awareness and acknowledging their contributions to the game. We are lobbying for our own themed round at some stage in the future.
    My nomination:
    Rhyce Shaw (Two left feet)

  3. Heath Black. Sinistra. Prodigious hoof. Fremantle. Challenged upstairs.
    Ashton Hams. WCE.
    Full marks for original thinking DB.

  4. Luke Reynolds says

    Nice team Damian.
    Could add Darren Forssman, Geelong half-forward from the 1990’s, who hailed from the Colac Tigers FC.

  5. G’day Luke.

    ‘Fossy’ was a tad unlucky. He played some good games but in his five seasons @ Geelong they made the finals thrice but he never played in a senior final.

    I’ve got some vague, hazy, recollection he may have been in the state squad in 1992.


  6. DBalassone says

    They are a rare breed indeed and should all be awarded with AFL Life membership accordingly.
    That is a great get Luke. I remember Forssman. I think we now have one on the bench. Any other nominations are most welcome.
    I originally had a few others in the squad – a nimble left-footer called Mark ‘Twinkle Toes’ Dwyer who dazzled with the Roys in ’86, polling 10 Brownlow votes in just 8 games and finishing 11th in the count. The only problem was…he wasn’t bald. I was mixing him up with Mark ‘MIck’ Dwyer who also played with the Saints and the Roys and was as bald as a badger…but he was right-footed.
    Also, I awoke the other night and momentarily believed Phil Matera was a leftie – only to realise later that he was in fact right-footed and I was confusing him with his left-footed relative Brandon Matera.
    The mind plays tricks.

  7. ned_wilson says

    Dad (Ray) snuck into Phil’s number ten team and some good players missed out, but this is one where he put up his hand for selection incredibly early.

  8. DBalassone says

    Thanks for the nomination Ned. Was your old man a left-footer as well? Before my time. Must have been a darn good player. Didn’t he win a mattress for the B&F one season that played a big part in your creation?

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