Almanac Satire – AFL announcement: Twilight Grand Final


Scene: A plush new room with plush new carpet and extremely clean windows, Perth. Media has buzzed all day with rumours of in impending AFL announcement that the 2018 Grand Final will be played at twilight. Unexpectedly, the League boss awkwardly comes face-to-face with a member of the public. An idle microphone overhears their conversation…


Footy fan: …But we’re really happy with a 2:30pm Grand Final.


League boss: Look, every game is a vehicle for marketing, Brian. You should know that by now. Have you been to the footy lately? A cacophony of advertising noise. And these people pay my salary.


Footy fan: Well. You risk alienating the fans even more.


League boss: Even more, Brian?


Fan: Yes. There’s that outrageous game day palaver, there’s Tassie, there’s China & now India. There’s AFLX. You’re building quite the pyre.


Boss: Ahh… Didn’t I tell you, Brian? It’s set. 2:30pm.


Footy fan: So what’s it all about? This fuss? You leak an idea to run a twilight Grand Final to the media. You watch it be received badly, and then hold an announcement to announce nothing at all. The status quo. To rapturous acclaim.


League boss: That’s why I’m the boss, Brian.




With apologies to Clarke & Dawe.
Another interview piece here.



About David Wilson

David Wilson is a hydrologist, climate reporter and writer of fiction & observational stories. He writes under the name “E.regnans” at The Footy Almanac and has stories in several books. One of his stories was judged as a finalist in the Tasmanian Writers’ Prize 2021. He shares the care of two daughters and likes to walk around feeling generally amazed. Favourite tree: Eucalyptus regnans.


  1. Colin Ritchie says

    Like it, like it a lot! Sadly missed the wit of Clarke and Dawe!

  2. Brilliant, David. When I learnt there was to be a late afternoon press conference I prepared myself for the worst. And then to discover there was to be no change! Seems like the fans were listened to. Maybe, just maybe.

  3. Luke Reynolds says

    Brilliant Dave. That IS why he’s the boss!!

  4. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Great stuff ER.
    Brian knows that you don’t tamper with nature and its symbols. GF starts at the brightest time of day and ends in twilight for a reason.

  5. george smith says

    If you move the Grand Final to twilight/night, then all you want to do is go home. No more 6pm ghost train to Geelong as in 1992, surrounded by what looked like an off off Broadway version of “Cats” their painted faces enhancing their misery.

    No more singing along to Midnight Oil’s “Forgotten Years” with a band that finally got right, as happened last year.

    No more sitting in a cafe in Brunswick, as in 1981, listening to an old man of eastern European origin go:
    “Collingwuud, ha ha ha” on repeat, feeling like the loneliest man in the world…

    And no more watching party goers on the news rampaging through Collingwood, Richmond, Adelaide, wherever the winners gather, blowing horns and shouting – all we would want to do is go home!

  6. Col – likewise. They would have had a mountain of recent material with which to work.

    Mickey – The handling was all very odd. Fishy. But good outcome (for now). Perhaps this was Stage 1; “softening up the masses.”

    Luke – thanks – and it’s probably more correct than either of us knows.

    P Dimitriadis – That’s something I never considered. But it’s spot on. I’m enlightened. Thanks.

    G Smith – That’s right. Things would change. Change isn’t bad necessarily. But in this case, change is bad.

  7. With all due respect to you, e.r., I miss John Clarke and Brian Dawe

  8. E.regnans says

    Ahh, Smokie.
    I need constantly to apologise to the memory of J Clarke and his works with B Dawe.
    I very much hope these forays do not do them a disservice.
    #imitation #flattery

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