Almanac Poetry: ‘Fake Bacon’ – Tommy Mallet


Fake Bacon


A small dusty moth

arches about the tinny light shade,

attacking the bulb as if it might win.

When I look hard, each hit produces

the smallest puff

that floats down, towards our straight bourbon.


We’re all starving.

Gene’s a hard man from the logging coupes,

He points his twisted leather finger

at Rod.

“The cupboard’s bare! This pasta is it!” he rages.

“Sorry mate. Vego. Won’t eat fake bacon,” Rod says, all easy.

“Yes, fake!” Gene protests.

He’s originally from Hungary and thinks everybody

but him

is mad.


Lou’s too drunk. He goes to lean

on something, but misses.


Gene slaps the table in frustration.

The smallest shower of dust falls,

lit by the bulb,

filling the moth’s motion.


“Okay, listen…” Rod says, all easy.

He’s worked on the plantations his whole life

and won’t be oxed.

“Let me stick a dildo up your arse.”

Gene pauses, mid rage. “What?”

“Let me-“

“I’m not a fucking poof!”

“That’s okay,” Rod smiles. “It’s not a real dick…”


Gene sighs, all vexed, runs those leathery

fingers all over his baffled face.

His wife and I exchange looks.

Rod has him.


“But it’s technically not meat!” he shouts.


Rod smiles,

making big, lazy thrusts with

an invisible vibrator.

He even raises his forearm,

as if holding a person’s legs up.

We laugh at Gene and drink more,

gorging the grub

without either of them.


Tilting my head back to shovel in more food

I briefly notice the moth, taking a breather

before re-launching


and wonder if it’s happy

being as obsessed as this?




Read more poetry from Tommy Mallet HERE.


More poetry from Almanac Poetry can be read HERE


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  1. Malby Dangles says

    Filthy funny. Great work, Tommy.

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