Almanac Life: Where Have You Been, Pie Girl?

 

Hello, dear friends of the Almanac. How have you been? It’s been a while and for that I apologise. I don’t have much of an excuse for my absence, other than that I have been quite busy for the past couple of years with work, study and travel. Outside of a classroom setting, I’ve also been suffering a mild case of writer’s block, which I am trying to overcome. With my studies now out of the way, I thought I would ease my way back to writing for fun by typing out a not-so-little (and well overdue) life update. If you like, grab a cuppa and a biscuit and get comfy – despite the years that have passed, my propensity to ramble has never waned.

 

Pie Girl’s been at university (February 2021–December 2023)

When I started my BA in 2018, I knew I wanted to go into postgraduate study (the so-called ‘Melbourne Model’ will do that to you). So, with my testamur in my hot little hand at the end of 2020, I decided to continue digging my debt hole and commence a Master of Creative Writing, Publishing and Editing in 2021.

Over the three years it took me to complete the degree (we love underloading), I scratched my perfectionist itch in editing classes and wrote capitalist takedowns of young adult fiction in my publishing units.

I let loose in my creative writing classes and brought some weird ideas into the world, including the first 10,000 words of a novel about a zombie apocalypse started by koalas and a television pilot where three roommates scam a hapless vampire into funding their home deposit. Whether any of these projects make it beyond the void that is my drafts folder is anyone’s guess. That being said, if anyone knows anyone who knows someone who wants to sponsor a creative so she can quit at least one of her three jobs, you know where to find me.

In my final year, I had the chance to gain some more practical experience by interning at a publishing house. Through the university’s teaching press, I also served as the designer and typesetter for Small Data is Beautiful, an essay collection on, well, the beauty of small data (there’s a reason I wasn’t on the sales team). Suffice to say, I needed many naps to get through last year.

For those who might remember, I participated in an ill-fated exchange at Barnard College at the start of 2020. I am glad to report that I not only made it back to the US but I was also a student at the Columbia Publishing Course in 2022. At the course, I heard from a breadth of publishing professionals and participated in two practical workshops based around book and digital publishing. I fear I have left chunks of my heart scattered around New York, which is rather unfortunate considering I live on the other side of the planet and flights cost an arm, a leg and your firstborn child. Nevertheless, I am immensely grateful that I was able to finish what I started back in 2020.

 

In December last year, I graduated (woohoo!) and am now embarking on the arduous job search. Again, if anyone knows anyone who knows someone who wants to hire a university graduate who can write, edit and go head-to-head with InDesign, you know where to find me.

 

Pie Girl’s been at work (2021–Current)

Over the past three years, I have somehow managed to work three casual jobs amongst my studies. It is at this point that I regret to inform you all that I am no longer a Pie Girl. At the end of 2021, a new catering company took over, which I took as my sign to move on to something new. And by moving on to something new, I mean applying for a customer service position at the MCG. I feel I must note that I am no longer a sixteen-year-old who may or may not be blissfully flouting her employer’s social media policies. So, whilst I will not divulge as much as I did during my peak Pie Girl days, just know that I still love what I do for work – and no longer smell like fryer oil after a shift!

When I’m not at my beloved MCG, you can find me either performing behind-the-scenes duties at an antiquarian bookstore or providing even more customer service at my super-dooper secret third job.

Whilst I yearn for the stability of a full-time job, I do enjoy the variety that comes with my three jobs. Don’t tell Mum and Dad, but I think I could keep working at the bookstore and MCG forever.

 

Pie Girl’s been in America (June–August 2022)

There’s a reason I have three jobs. Unfortunately for my parents, it’s not so I can save up for a house deposit (I pinky promise I’m great company at home … most of the time). Instead, I’ve been spending my dosh on travels to the US.

As I mentioned before, I spent six weeks studying in New York in 2022. After my course, my older sister popped over and we spent 10 days together in Orlando. We visited our pal Mickey Mouse (and sweated in hours-long ride queues), spent a day at Universal Studios and took a boat ride through the swamp and saw some gators – the quintessential Florida experience.

 

After our time in Florida, my sister headed home. I, on the other hand, still had some travel ahead of me. Using remaining flight credit from my cancelled adventures in 2020, I headed up to Washington DC for two days. On the first day, I went shopping in Georgetown and feeling a bit homesick, headed into one of the few Nandos in the US. Unfortunately, their peri peri chips weren’t quite up to scratch. After dinner, I then wandered past the White House, but Joe wasn’t home so I kept going.

The next day, I took a speedrun through everything DC has to offer, starting with a tour of the Capitol Building, before heading to the National Museum of American History. Much to my dismay, Kermit the Frog and the ruby slippers were temporarily out of action, but I did walk out with a snowglobe! I then headed along the mall and dropped in to see Honest Abe, before speedwalking to the Hirshhorn Museum to make my reservation for to see two of Yayoi Kusama’s Infinity Rooms. I finished off the day by getting dinner with a friend from exchange.

During my course, I had the misfortune of catching COVID and had to cancel travel plans. I ended up with travel credit for Amtrak, so when I was plotting my post-course travels, I didn’t want my credit to go to waste and decided to return to New York after DC. I used those days in New York as a farewell tour, visiting my beloved Strand Bookstore, hanging out with friends, wandering through Central Park, nibbling on Shake Shack in Madison Square Park and doing some last little bits of shopping.

 

Pie Girl’s been on a rootin’ tootin’ road trip (August 2022)

My American adventures did not finish in New York. When I was at Columbia, I mentioned at breakfast one morning that I wanted to travel through California, but the lack of public transit between cities was going to be a pain. My dear friend Nathan, a born-and-bred Californian, who once chastised me for calling San Francisco ‘SanFran’, then offered to accompany me on a tour through his home state. Over a month after that conversation, Nathan picked me up at SFO in his beloved PT Cruiser and we began our road trip.

We spent two days in San Francisco staying in a lovely hostel on the bay. On our first day, we visited Pier 39, said hello to the Sea Lions and nibbled on fish and chips – the taste of home. That evening, I had Zoom class for uni back home (the grind never stops), so I was thoroughly zoinked by the time class finished.

 

The next morning, we decided to visit a beach one of the staff at the hostel recommended. Unfortunately, we missed the turn off on the way there and ended up accidentally driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, which did prompt me to question whether Nathan truly was a born-and-bred Californian.

Luckily, we were planning to visit Muir Woods over the bridge that afternoon, so not all was lost. To burn time, we ventured to Target, which puts our version of the red and white retailer to shame. One of my favourite pastimes is browsing foreign supermarkets, so I was having a ball meandering through the aisles and picking out snacks for our road trip.  In other words, I stocked up on Mickey Mouse-shaped Goldfish crackers.

After our Target adventure, we admired the beautiful redwoods of Muir Woods, before heading (deliberately this time) back over the Golden Gate Bridge. That evening, we closed out our San Francisco chapter with a scrumptious dinner in Japantown and a ginormous ice cream for dessert.

Our next stop was beautiful Monterey. On the way down, we stopped in Santa Cruz where I was introduced to the ‘Pizza My Heart’, a pizza chain where for $7.00USD (plus tax), you can get a slice of pizza AND a t-shirt.

 

That afternoon, we arrived in sunny Monterey where a friend got us into the famous Monterey Bay Aquarium. Admittedly, I spent an unhealthy amount of time fawning over the sea otters, and to this day, I am still mad that I decided for the first time in my life to be financially responsible and not purchase a ‘Hairy Otter’ jumper.

 

The next day was spent driving down the coast. We made a pitstop at Big Sur, and I discovered the wonders of In-N-Out Burger, before spending the night in a slightly suspicious hostel in San Luis Obispo (the true tightarse budget traveller experience). The following morning, we soldiered on to San Diego. Along the way, I finally got to experience of LA traffic, which I do not plan to enduring ever again. But hey, we at least got to see the La Brea tar pits.

In San Diego, we stayed with a friend from Nathan’s hometown. In the evening, we went around to another friend’s house to hang out where I had my first authentic S’more – finally, a good use for crappy American chocolate!

 

In the morning we met with one of our Columbia friends and hung out on the beach. Feeling a bit peckish, we then grabbed some delicious tacos and churros and spent the afternoon strolling around La Jolla Cove. SIDENOTE: did you know it was pronounced ‘La Hoy-a’? Because I totally did. How else would you pronounce it? Not ‘La J-olla’, that’s for sure!

Following one more round of ice cream, Nathan and I embarked on the final leg of our road trip. After six days of Nathan driving and me manning the AUX cord, we were thoroughly pooped. But this was not the time for us to kick back and relax, for we had one last adventure ahead of us: Disneyland.

On my last full day in the US, I chucked on my hot pink sequinned Minnie Mouse ears and Nathan donned his finest Oswald the Lucky Rabbit t-shirt. We meant business as we high-tailed it to Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, which we then followed up with a swashbuckling ride on Pirates of the Caribbean.

BAM! The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh!

BAM! The Haunted Mansion!

BAM! A pineapple soft serve!

Nathan and I were kicking goals – until Space Mountain broke down after waiting 50 minutes in the queue. Not to fear, with a little snack our resolve returned, and we made it onto Rise of the Resistance, a Star Wars ride that even the uninitiated like me could enjoy.

After that, we left Disneyland and hopped across to Disney’s California Adventure Park. Things at DCA started out fine; we made it on the Guardians of the Galaxy ride without hassle and refuelled with a giant schnitzel and tater tots, but it was only downhill from there.

 

For starters, my Mickey Mouse ice cream sandwich was hard as a rock. Then the river rapids ride broke down right as we boarded our raft. Then I had the bright idea to ride Mickey’s Fun Wheel of Death (aka, the ‘Pixar Pal-A-Round’). With our feet starting to hurt and more and more rides going out of action, we decided to move on from DCA.

Back in the comfort of Disneyland, we were once again healed by the magic of snacks, this time in the form of a churro. With a little bit of steam left in the tank, we topped off our Disney day by watching three nighttime shows – Mainstreet Electrical Parade, the fireworks and Fantastic – back-to-back. Continuing the theme of the day, we fuelled ourselves with popcorn and mint juleps before closing out the night with hot chocolates and macarons in front of the castle.

The following day, Nathan and I made one final stop at In-N-Out before we said our tearful goodbyes at LAX. With some sheer luck and skilled driving, Nathan managed to outmanoeuvre LA traffic and make the journey back to his home south-east of San Francisco, all before I had even boarded the plane.

I then hopped on the fifteen-hour flight home, my heart full of the memories and friends I made over my summer in America.

 

Pie Girl’s been in a sketch comedy show (August 2023, August 2024)

Back in April last year, I had the wild idea to audition for the University of Melbourne Law Revue, a sketch comedy show. The Law Revue had been on my radar since my early days as a student, but I never thought of myself as ‘funny’ enough to take part. So, in my final year of uni, I decided to give it a crack and audition anyway. Keep in mind, I hadn’t auditioned for any uni shows since first year, so I was understandably a bit jittery. In fact, I almost pulled the pin on the day of my audition, but something in me decided to brave the rainy Friday evening and tram delays.

It’s amazing the things that can happen when you step outside your comfort zone, because after the audition and a callback, I made it into the show! I spent the next four months writing sketches with a fantastic team and we had a five-night run of the show at the end of August. Some of the sketches I wrote included ‘Sexyée Victorianée Orpahnée Boyée’, which was about Timothée Chalamet having typhoid that riffed on a scene from Twilight, and the slightly controversial ‘Sorry’, which followed a recently deceased woman who is allowed to enter heaven on the condition that she apologise to the one person she hated most in life: Hugh Jackman. As a disclaimer, I genuinely do not hate Hugh Jackman and wish him no ill will. I would just appreciate it if he stopped peripherally entering my life.

Despite having a nasty infection during our run that resulted in a trip to the respiratory clinic (see: ‘Pie Girl’s been in hospital’ further down), I had an absolute blast being part of the Law Revue. So much so that I jumped on board again for this year’s show! Unfortunately, I was again struck down by illness prior to our run three weeks ago – did you know people still catch COVID in 2024? Wild!

Whilst I missed our first night thanks to a weak positive result after a week of isolation, I was given the all clear to return for four nights of our run. During the shows, I gave what I believe to be an Oscar-worthy performance as an evil hag and a supervillain whose chosen method of torture is uncomfortable bras.

 

 

Sketch comedy: there’s nothing like it.

 

Pie Girl’s been in her childhood bedroom (all day, every day)

Two years ago, my middle sister headed up north to Sydney for work and my older sister bought (!!!) an apartment late last year, which means I am officially an only child.

Some might call me a professional moocher for still living at home at the ripe age of twenty-five. I admit, not having to pay an exorbitant amount of rent every month is certainly a major perk as I try to build up my savings to hopefully move out next year. But I also enjoy the company of my parents – although, I cannot confirm that the feeling is mutual.

This is also the home I grew up in, where there are missing patches of paint on the wall from when I stuck my posters of Robert Pattinson as a pre-teen, countless unfinished craft projects and stacks of old school assignments stashed away under my bed. It is the place where I became me, so it’s going to be a big leap to move out. That being said, I am excited (and terrified) by the prospect of finding somewhere else to become more me.

Okay, mushy sentimental section about home over.

 

Pie Girl’s been in New York – again! (December 2023)

I know, I know, the number of times I have visited the US seems excessive. In my defence, I didn’t originally have much say in this trip, but more on that later.

Three days out from Christmas last year, my sister and I made our way to New York City for our bucket list Manhattan Christmas. I’m talking Nutcracker, Rockettes, Christmas markets, getting crushed in the crowds on Fifth Avenue, ice skating, hot chocolate, Rockefeller Centre Christmas tree, getting crushed in the crowds on Fifth Avenue again, and a Christmas day stroll through Central Park. Unfortunately, there was no snow during those days but a steam pipe near our hotel burst and sparked concerns about asbestos being in the air. That’s essentially snow, right?

 

Post-Christmas craziness, I went to the theatre with a friend, headed uptown to visit my alma mater (can I technically call Columbia is my alma mater? Eh, whatever, it sounds cool) and did a silly amount of shopping. I also paid multiple visits to my favourite bookstore in the world, Strand, and attempted to be cultured at the Guggenheim.

I can’t talk about New York without talking about the food I ate. In typical tourist fashion, I chowed down on Shake Shack, Los Tacos No. 1, Mei Lei Wah pork buns, pancakes from Bubby’s, Central Park pretzels, cream cheese and lox bagels, Levain chocolate-chip cookies and Magnolia Bakery cupcakes. This time around, I did miss out on grabbing a chopped cheese, so I guess I’ll have to go back at some point in the not-too-distant future. What a shame!

 

After nine days in New York, we hopped on our next flight to The City Beautiful, Orlando.

 

Pie Girl’s been to Disney World – and ran a 10K (January 2024)

Initially, I did not plan on going to America so soon after my trip in 2022, but the powers that be (aka, my sister Hannah) had other plans.

You see, Hannah is a runner and in April last year, she decided to sign up for the ‘Dopey Challenge’. What is the ‘Dopey Challenge’, you may ask? It’s an annual running challenge that takes place over the marathon weekend at Walt Disney World in January, in which you complete a 5K run on Thursday morning, a 10K on Friday, half-marathon on Saturday and full marathon on Sunday.

So where do I enter the equation? Well, when Hannah was signing up in the middle of the night, she decided to drag me down with her and secured me a spot in the 10K without my permission. There was just one small problem: I don’t run. Despite her best attempts to turn me into a cross-country runner in high school, my body rejected it. I am simply not built to run.

When I asked her why she didn’t just sign me up for the more manageable 5K, Hannah told me it wasn’t good value for money. You know what else isn’t good value for money? Crashing out of the 10K because you have never run that much in your life!

Still, Hannah was determined to get me into tip top shape, and by Christmas I could run a whopping 4km consecutively.

Come race day in January, things were not looking good. After rolling out of bed at 2:45am, I chucked on a pink jacket and sparkly headband in an attempt to get into the Disney spirit. We then boarded a bus and headed off to the start line in the glorious EPCOT carpark.

 

The first half was pretty uneventful as we ran along the extensive roads around Disney property. You could stop to take photos with characters along the way, but I feared that stopping would deplete what little running mojo I had. Eventually, things got interesting when we finally entered EPCOT. Thanks to a pulling sensation in my leg, I stopped for the first time around the 6km mark, and from that point onwards, I would run for about 750m and walk for 250m, before running again.

The main thing that kept me going was the atmosphere of running through the World Showcase and backstage areas. In the last 2km, I was losing steam and just wanted to keep walking. Around this point, I heard a gospel choir cover of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ playing through the speakers around the course, and Hannah insisted that I keep running. I asked her why, and she ominously replied: ‘You’ll see.’ Surely enough, as we rounded the corner, I found out that it was in fact not a recording of a gospel choir, but a live one performing for us as we ran. Slightly revived by the strangeness of it all, I finished the race and got my Chip ‘n’ Dale medal, along with the obligatory free snacks (mmm, fake American cheese dip).

 

To celebrate my achievement and retirement from long-distance running, Hannah and I had a delicious breakfast at one of the Disney hotels that I will never be able to afford to stay at.

Whilst my short-lived running career was over, Hannah still had two big races ahead of her. With the half-marathon the following morning shortened to a quarter marathon due to weather concerns, Hannah had her work cut out for her when she embarked on the full marathon on Sunday morning.

On marathon morning, our friend Tim (or Uncle Tim, as I like to call him) was gracious enough to let me sleep in until 4:00am before he picked me up and drove me to watch Hannah. Along with a wall of supporters, we waited on Main Street in Magic Kingdom to catch a glimpse of Hannah. Luckily, I had her location on my phone and saw her zoom past us 15 minutes earlier than we expected her to.

We then headed to the finish line and secured prime position against the barricade. Despite an unexpected Florida downpour, we stayed at our post and an hour or so later, we saw Hannah power through to the finish line. Admittedly, the footage I took of Hannah running was largely unusable, due to the fact I am screaming like the world’s most obnoxious cheerleader in the background.

The rest of our time in Florida was spent in the theme parks and catching up with Hannah’s friends from the year she spent working at Disney. Admittedly, financially irresponsible decisions were made but, hey, you’re only twenty-five at Disney World once, right?

 

Of course, I can’t forget the all-important food recap, which includes: several pineapple soft-serves, cheeseburger spring rolls, a delectable spicy Korean chicken rice bowl, post-10K breakfast pizza flatbread, rice crispy treats, many Mickey ice cream sandwiches, beignets, pineapple and macadamia pancakes and an embarrassing amount of chicken strips with fries. Oh, and unlimited drink refills at the resort using our souvenir mugs. There were some fruit and vegetables in there too, I promise.

 

Pie Girl’s been to Disneyland (January 2024)

But Pie Girl, weren’t you just at Disney World? Yes, yes I was.

You see, when flying home to Australia from the east coast of the USA, you need to stop on the west coast along the way. So, think of this as a pit stop.

This pit stop did have a purpose, as we were catching up with another one of Hannah’s Disney friends who lives in Arizona. Of course, at this point I was all Disney’d out, but I continued valiantly for my sister.

Admittedly, I am a sucker for Disneyland. It’s smaller than Orlando, yet packs just as much (if not, more) of a punch. Where Orlando’s Disney magic can sometimes feel suffocating, Disneyland has an unmistakable touch of yesteryear charm.

This trip to Disneyland was certainly more relaxed than my aforementioned one-day odyssey with Nathan, and we enjoyed soaking in the atmosphere. I also ate more pineapple soft serves and Mickey ice cream sandwiches.

 

In keeping with tradition, I dragged Hannah to In-N-Out for our last meal in America. Whilst she was not impressed by their US$8.89 cheeseburger, fries and drink combo, I was content with my 100% American beef patty, fresh fries and ice-cold Coca Cola. After all, it was an odyssey to get there, which involved traipsing through grass on the side of a main road, even though Google Maps told us there was a footpath.

After polishing off our lunch, we embarked on another perilous journey through the grass and did some last bits of shopping at Disney. For future reference, do not enter an American Sephora an hour before your shuttle is supposed to take you to the airport – it will only result in poor financial decision making.

I admit, as we took off into the night sky, I couldn’t help but wonder when I would be back. Whilst America is an imperfect country, it does mean a lot to me. After all, it’s the first place where I lived out of home and where so many dear friends of mine live. So don’t be surprised if I’m back there soon – I promise, I will be responsibly budgeting for it.

 

Pie Girl’s been in hospital (June 2024)

In June, I went under the knife and got a nose job. It was all internal work, so there is no need to worry about me turning up to the Grand Final lunch with a brand new schnoz.

Taking it back two years, I had a nasty lurgy that was diagnosed as an adenoid infection. So, I booked in to see an ENT who confirmed I had some sizeable adenoids. Not only that, but I also had some big ol’ turbinates, which were preventing me from living up to my breathing potential.

After dealing with another infection during the Law Revue last year, I decided enough was enough and got my adenoids removed and my turbinates cut down. Surprisingly, I had a good time in hospital: I introduced my anaesthetist to the wonders of Jane Eyre, dined on salmon, lasagne and, most importantly, vanilla ice cream, and caught up on some reading. All in all, the recovery was pretty smooth and, as promised by my surgeon, I am now breathing like a jet engine.

 

Pie Girl is done (for now)

Well, that’s about it for me. If you made it this far, congratulations and thanks for sticking around. I would love to hop back on the wagon and write more consistently, so please bear with me as I get back into the groove of writing. A couple of months back, I joined the Almanac editing team, so I’ll be around in that capacity. Unfortunately, I cannot offer much in the football commentary realm, other than haircut critiques and rolling my eyes whenever players start getting unnecessarily physical with each other. Like, we get it, you’re so tough and strong, but I didn’t pay to watch you have petty beef with the opposition, I paid to watch you play football!

Ahem, anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it’s been nice catching up. Please, let me know if there are any milestones or moments you’ve hit since I last wrote. I’d love to hear about them.

Take care,

Your girl, the Pie Girl.

 

To return to our Footy Almanac home page click HERE.

 

Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.

 

Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?

And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help things keep ticking over please consider making your own contribution.

 

Become an Almanac (annual) member – click HERE.