Almanac Footy – A Tipster’s Retrospective from the Smokers’ Lounge


Greetings Tipsters

Talking to Darryl Satmorn, he had a plus one on the door for the Stems & New Christs’ show, he’d give me a ride, when I said the drinks would be too expensive he said he’d shout me a few.  I was sorely tempted, there’d be a bunch of folks there to talk with (or at), at halftime in the Monaros/Wharfies match I went to the pub to test my resolve.

There are three screens in the Smokers Lounge. Dmitri, a Footscray fan who grew up in Melbourne, came out to change the channels. No one watches Keno, that had to go. He put the Manuka game on and the Rugby League fans went feral. I haven’t heard such palaver for twenty years, it was great fun.

I had two schooners and decided that the prospect of a rock and roll night out was too damned exhausting. I was asleep by ten.

Took a rash whirl at the future last week. How’d my prognostications turn out? Dead wrong on Essendon. Who would have thought that playing an All Australian backman in the backline and an All Australian forward in the forward line would work to such great effect? By golly, that Worsfold is too quick for me.

The Battle of the Flowers was all too embarrassing for the Fuschias. That was a Statement Match, and such a statement it made. We can look good for twenty minutes but if it gets too tough we switch off. The formline is mediocre, the club is deep in the pack of the ladder and all the tough kids are thinking about stealing their lunch money.

Remember those heady days of March, when Melbourne and St Kilda were gonna be the New Finalists? Yeah, wild times. Now we figure Saints are doing okay to lose by only seven goals.  Not that I expected them to win. Didn’t expect Brisbane or Carlton to win either, tho’ the manner and extent of their defeats was a little surprising. I wasn’t too far off the mark with Swans, Monaros and Eagles but, as Keith Talent might say, I missed the board with ‘Pies might make Adelaide work for a win.’

The 4&20s were fast and making it up as they went along; the Cows didn’t have a clue, slow and dumb. (Was that a car crash a block away?) Sure, they got an injury list, just as the oppo have. But that forward line would have been cumbersome in 1996. Eddie seems to have lost that all-important 0.1% edge. On the bright side, Taylor has removed that stupid little moustache. May he set a good example for the rest of the league.

Or for the Illuminati wannabes. I’ve been holding back on this for a while, perhaps at the risk to humanity, but the Excalibur symbolism cannot be ignored. You have, no doubt, seen the latest hi-rotation AAMI ad, wherein the alleged clueless apprentice, who seems to be at least 23 years old, is given a crappy hammer and sent to the roof, where he lifts it far above his shoulder and…

No-one in that ad looks like anyone I’ve ever seen on a building site. Nailguns and screwdriving drills have been standard practice for fifty years. The alleged ‘sacred’ (crap) hammer lands in wet cement – some poor job management there – and the AAMI woman, with the recommended uniform and haircut, is the only one capable of removing it. Whereupon she flashes that reptilian smile while all the pudgy hipsters gaze in astonishment. Is this the message that you want your children to be absorbing?

Meanwhile, and I am now certain that all insurance companies are in cahoots, the NRMA attempt to distract us with a bewdy Ozzie classic, mate, the ol’ wave your cig lighter in the air ‘Throw yr arms around me’ which, like many an easy listening soft rock toon (eg, For the good times) is an explicit invitation to shag. A one night stand, in this case. Sung by kids in the ad.

Cheers Tipsters

P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production
Brought to you with the assistance of Roots of Hip Hop comp; when GrandMaster Flash’ Wheels of Steel came on I thought the cd was jumping.


About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Footy form makes no sense. TV ads make less sense. You know it makes sense.
    There are 2 good teams; 2 crap teams and 14 handy sides. The AFL’s official gaming partner must be happy.

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