AFL Round 11 – The Wrap: Mickey and The Chokers



What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Mickey & The Chokers turned on a star turn to open proceedings on Friday Night when they allowed The Bombers to lay down a six goal turn around and snatch a 5-point Victory in the shadows of full time.  The Sunbeams sustained the Roo cull up at The Metricon on a beautiful one day perfect the next night to allow themselves to dream of September Glory in 2013.  The Bloods put The Pride of South Australia in the red over in the City of Churches, and the Moggies gave The Orangemen a 5-goal start up at Skoda Stadium and won by ten.

Come Sunday and it was The Saints turn to lament what could have/would have/should have been as The Lowflying Eagles scraped in by a talon.  On Monday The Fuchsias bloomed for a quarter before allowing Carringbush to get their percentage up in the black.

Interesting way of expressing things.  AAP flipped one to The Sage a couple of weeks back.  (Cheaper than running a stringer all the way over in the Sand Belt – Ed)  Speaking of the likelihood of Freo picking Johnny Who when his 5-year contact expires at the end of this season, they referred to him as the former No. 1 draft pick.  We all know he wouldn’t rate as one now, but he’s still a No. 1 draft pick.  Surely?  (He’ll carry that epitaph to the grave – Ed)

And I tell you what, he might be a handy pick-up for someone prepared to get inside his head and unravel what the heck’s holding back his potential.  He’s only 22 and must have some upside.  I think we’ve all seen him do some pretty good things.  Even if he turns out to be one of the Late Living Legend’s good ordinary footballers he could make a difference in a good side.

As tradition requires, we use the midseason break to review the second half possibilities and probabilities.  Working up from the bottom –

The Jolly Orange Giants – seem to be on track in their second season.  Not doing as well as The Sunbeams at the same stage, but they’re thereabouts, and stunned The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires with a blistering Opening Stanza on the weekend.  However, they don’t seem to be able to sustain their effort, which is understandable given their age.  Nor kick a total that has any scoreboard respectability.  That having been said, they have a crop of young stars that are showing signs of maturing.  New coach next year will bring a new, younger attitude to Breakfast Point.  So will a few mature age recruits.  You whistle & I’ll point.

The Recalcitrant Redlegs – nothing to say that hasn’t already been said.  To call them a basket case insults baskets.  Need a total makeover – and soon.

The Feeling Faints – things aren’t going to plan down there at Eel Race Road.  Their Jaldwen window of opportunity has well and truly closed.  And their VFL affiliate, The Zebras, are not setting the world on fire either.  Some promising youngsters, but promise yet to be translated into something to lift spirits of TLSJOF.  Goddard’s departure has left a big hole and as Lenny Hayes plays his swan song season, and with Milne, Montagna & Del Santo  looking around for somewhere to hang up the Nikes, the future doesn’t look all that bright.  Maybe there’ll be a lift when they move into the new facilities at Belvedere Park.  We’d all like to think so.

The Lion Kings – not sure what to make of this lot.  Their win over The Gliders suggests they have the makings there, but they don’t seem to able to put it out on the park week in week out.  This is Boss Voss’s last year of his second contract.  If The Maroons playing list want him to coach them again next season they’re going to have to extract the digit in the second half of this one.  Of their last 11 matches, six of them are winnable – GC (H) – Melb (A) – Port (A) – St Kilda (H) – GWS (H) – Doggies (H).  Some Students of The Game have suggested that the Brisbane based board don’t make enough effort to embrace Old Roy Boys & Girls down here in the Fitzroy heartland.  It’s been clearly demonstrated that the clubs who celebrate strong membership lists also celebrate when the Final Siren’s Gone.

The Sons of The West – another work in progress.  Not putting the wins on the board, but competitive in most matches and downright dangerous in isolated quarters.  Their recent win in Darwin against The Power a sign of a maturing side.  Best win was when they jumped The Reigning Who Cares Cup Holders in the Opening Round.  A fairly rocky ride home, but there’s 4 winnable games in the mix.  Playing an exciting brand of footy and certainly worthy of The Tricolour.

The Metriconians – with The Little Master bringing more and more of his young charges into the game they’re developing a real esprit de corps up there in Wally World.  They’re beating whom they should beat and were stiff not to win the bananas in the home leg of the Local Derby.  They’ve just knocked The Funnyboners back to a Mathematical Possibility for Season MMXIII and have the VIth Pineapple Cup in Round XV before coming home with – Melb (H) – Port (A) – The Saints (A) – GWS (H).  Seven wins would be an A for them in their 3rd season.  Nine wins would be an A+.

The Game That’s Played Around The World Report.  The Andy Mellor coached HKG Vikings blitzed the touring AFL Masters in the Final Stanza at the Hong Kong Showgrounds recently.  Eleven points down at the Last Change in a low scoring affair, they slammed on 5-2 to 1-4 to take earn a Famous Victory.

Restricted by ground size, they play 12 a side, and in the tropical heat (30oC in the waterbag and a humidity of 85%) a rotating bench of 10.  The Vikings are a good mix.  Half grew up in the Indigenous Code, the other half grew up playing Rugby – including half a dozen Two & Froms.  The touring Masters, fresh from strong performances in Bangkok & Ho Chi Min City stayed with the Homeside until the Tsingtao Huddle, but with gun Vikings’ on-baller Luke Jericho (ex-Adelaide & Norwood) cutting loose and the Tsingtao taking effect it was – in playing-coach Andy “Swan” Mellor’s words – Game On!!!  Chucking the semi-contact match rules that underpin the usual Park Footy, the Master delivered a couple of old fashioned shirtfronts.  The Vikings responded with some rugby tackles that saw them pile on 5-3 to 1-4 in the Deciding Term.  I was pumped to see The Boys come back and win.  I think we were a bit more acclimatized to the heat, said Coach Mellor at the Post Match.

Maggot Watch I.  The Appalling Football League & Maggot Central are looking more and more like the incumbents in Canberra.  When are they ever going to get it right?  Not that we condone umpire bashing, in any manner or form; nor any subversive thoughts towards our elected leaders.  But Carlton weren’t stiff on Friday night; they wuz robbed.  Fletcher had two hands firmly in the back of Gartlett when he pushed him to the ground to prevent him running onto a loose ball in the goalsquare.  And that after the two previous one-on-one contests linking this particular passage in which The Blues’ players involved could consider themselves unlucky not to receive a free.  Then there was Gartlett’s goalsquare snap.  What was the margin again?  And let it be said, IGTCSAFOD.  (Or a bottle of St Henri Wrap? – Ed).

Maggot Watch II.  Let’s go back to Sunday at Ethelred Stadium.  And let’s talk about this new freestyle umpiring being brought in to speed up The Game.  (Do you think it’s too fit in more add-breaks Wrap? – Ed)  Who knows what goes through the minds of the invertebrates at Maggot Central.  You can’t let the play go on un-umpired, so there has to be a semblance of paying infringements, but when you start paying them in the forward line they become more than token.  And when one side gets more benefit from it than the other you start to wonder.  Especially when they score three of their five last quarter goals from infringements that have been more or less ignored all day.  (You can expect a visit from the Ayatollah’s thought police around to the Wrapcave any day now – Ed)

Maggot Watch III.  To review or not to review, that is the question?  If it is the question, then who decides to review the goal umpire’s decision.  So far we’ve seen that anyone with a whistle and an ego can send upstairs for a video review.  But what about the players?  Have they the option of asking for a 4th umpire review of the available footage – as is the case in the bat & ball game?  And what’s the point of having a review if the available footage is inconclusive?  Had Garlett’s snap been reviewed it would have confirmed that, indeed, Carlton had scored another five points and we had the 2nd draw for the season.  Equally relative, the fans hate it.  You can feel the collective groans when the adjudicating maggot signs the square to go upstairs.  Surely there’s enough left over from all the money that passes through the gnarled claws of the gnomes imbedded deep in the bowels of Jellymont House to cover the outlay.

But enough of my gabbin’.  We covered Richmond’s season defining win in Round X didn’t we?  So let’s see who’s going to be on their way to Heaven after Round XI

The Same Old Syringes v The Miseries.   They were singing We’re The Team That Never Let’s You Down as they lowered the Flags along La Via Lygon to half mast on Friday night.  But fair dinkum, Waite bagged seven, the Bluebagger mid-field was tearing the heart out of the much vaunted Bomber Mosquito Fleet and The Three Amigos were bobbing up everywhere.  Better than five goals to the good in a low-scorer at one stage in the Championship Quarter, The Silvertails looked to have this one in the bag at the Kai Ora Cordial Citrus Break when they led by 14 points.  Then when they slotted the first major of the Final Term you’d be excused for thinking that a professional side coached by Himself had steadied, and that they’d go on with it from there.  For crying out loud, all they had to do was run with The Dons and kick a two or three more goals for the quarter.  All of a sudden the wheels fell off and they battled to get the ball across the centre, and when they did they butchered it.  But let’s take nothing away from The Scum.  They pulled themselves back into this one by sheer will power.  Make no mistake; they have top four potential.  And haven’t they launched a beauty in Big Joe Daniher?  He had a couple of Boys’ Own opportunities to ice this one for The Syringes in the closing stages but Richoed them something shocking.  Much to the dismay of Mum & Dad rugged-up in the stands.  Did The Miseries choke?  The Human Hamstrings certainly applied the pressure after their coach Bomber Thomson Shoeless Jim gave them a rev at the Last Huddle.  But it was noticible that the Blues were running out of puff and their decision making suffered as the heavier bodied Dons ground the last bit of energy out of them.  Something their opponents of next Friday night – who will have had a fortnight off by then – would surely have picked up on.  That’s right Bluebaggers; this is your life.  It’s the Ladder Leaders for you next time around.  The Peptides are off to Wally World for a Saturday night Danger Game at the Metricon.

The Handbags v The Greater Western Upstarts.  BTW – We Were Wrong: SS stands for Sydney Showgrounds – not Simonds Stadium as written in the Pre Wrap.  (Thanks Kath, I try to keep him on the straight & narrow, but as you can imagine, I miss a few – Ed)  With one half of the 7,809 crammed into around the Showground Oval in shocked silence and the other half ecstatic with joy, The Orangemen jumped away to a five goal break before The Millionaires accepted that they were up there in Sin City to play Football.  Still with The Hoopers at the Long Interval, The Pygmies, sadly but not unexpectedly, were blown away in the 2nd Half when they could only manage a solitary major to The Visitors’ 16-6.  The Pivotonians have next weekend off.  The Breakfast Pointers hang around to play The Power From Port in the early one next Sunday.

The Pride of South Australia v The Sin City Rollers.  The Mighty Adelaide Crows were right in this one.  Until they ran out onto the ground.  Honestly, The Chardonnays played as though they’d been left out in the sun uncorked for a couple of days.  To put it as kindly as possible, they were pathetic.  True, they were playing TRP, and while that is a very sound reason, it’s no excuse for what they served up to their fans on Saturday.  Crikey, even The Giants stayed with The Tabbies for half a game..  With their season well and truly on the line The Mighty Adelaide Crows face The Rampaging Tigers at THOF for the early one next Saturday.  The Harboursiders get to lazy before they return to the City of Light to tackle The Tealers in Round XXIII.

The Metricon Metermaids v The Shinboners.  The number 31 is associated with many things.  The Thirty One Club in Buffalo NY, Melbourne’s community channel – Channel 31, & Ronald Dale Barassi.  This week it has taken on a new meaning for first Carlton and then North Melbourne.  Both vying for Choker of The Season, it was their leading margin in low-scoring affairs over the weekend.  We’ve seen how The Miseries coughed up a winning lead during the Championship Quarter, right?  Well this was the lead The Funnyboners held at one stage in the 2nd Term. That’s a point over five goals for crying out loud!  Nearly a third of the goals scored all night!  In blustery, teeming conditions you couldn’t blame anyone for switching over to Julia Zemiro and the RockWiz Orchestra, could you?  This was going to be one-way traffic for The Visitors.  Then the match was turned on its head.  The Little Master was turning up in more places than Lucky Starr and The Metermaids dug deep.  It was certainly a Break-out Victory, one that will send a shudder down the collective spine of the southern clubs unused to playing in such wintery conditions.  It should also send a shudder down the collective spine of the North Melbourne Football Club.  Not the most fashionable of clubs, its main hope of financial survival is a strong on-field presence.  Never mind coming home like a German band, they’ll need to come home like Bonecrusher to make it beyond September.  They get to contemplate their future next weekend before crossing the Nullarbor to visit The Barry Crockers.  The Pumped Sunbeams have The Scum in balmier conditions down here in Bleak City.

The Eel Race Road Seagulls v The Tattered Weagles.  This was so nearly the end of the road for The Wedgies.  And let it be said here and now, without fear or favour – St Kilda were crucified by the maggots.  See Maggot Watch II.  However, as Coach Cornflake always said of Nasty Milne, he’ll always let you down in the big ones.  And make no mistake; this was a big one for The Feeling Faints.  It could be said that without his earlier efforts they wouldn’t have been in it at the death anyway, but a couple of costly misses will haunt Little Stevie for a week or so.  The Win, undeserved but welcome, put The Coasters back in the Eight until things settle down after Round XIII.  The Sainters have next week off too.

The Remains of The Redlegs v Carringbush.  Not sure what their coach saifd to them at the first change of ends, but it sure had an affect.  They kicked two behinds for the 2nd Stanza and a princely 5-9 all day. The Melbourne President put up more of an effort repelling the boarding party from Black Jeff’s pirate gang.  During the time Melbourne were on the field their opponents drilled 17-20, which given the circumstances wasn’t all that impressive. The Fuchsias get a week to regroup.  The Woodsmen have The Doggies under cover.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

We’ll let Jean-Paul Satre and George Orwell bring the message of the week today.

Our responsibility is much greater than we might have supposed, because it involves all mankind.

Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play.  It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting.

If you like ‘em short & sharp with a little bit of lateral thinking involved, try this lot.  You can try them on the kids when they get home from school too.

Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?  He had low elf-esteem.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?  Nothing.  It just let out a little wine.

What do you call a camel with no hump?  Humphrey.  Hump free – get it?

Why is Cinderella no good at sports?  Because her coach is a pumpkin, and she is always running away from the ball!

There are two cows in a paddock.  One says to the other “Moooooooo”. The other says, “Oh, I was going to say that!”.

What do you call a chicken crossing the road?  Poultry in motion.  The kids mightn’t get that one.

Why do baby ducks walk softly? Cause they can’t walk hardly.  I think there could be a comma between walk and hardly, don’t you?

Where do you find a dog with no legs?  Where you left it!

Why did the scarecrow receive an award?  Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?  He had no body to go with.

Why are anteaters so healthy?  Because they are full of anty-bodies.

Knock Knock.   Who’s there?  Arch.  Arch who?  Bless you!

Why was 9 scared of 7?  Because 7,8,9.  You should have got that one.  It was in our Christmas bon bon three years running.

What did the chicken say to the duck when the duck was about to cross the road? ‘Don’t do it!  They will never let you forget it!’

Why did the scientist put a knocker on his front door?  Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize!

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?  About a Buccaneer.

?Why did the Rockmelon jump into the river?  He wanted to become a Watermelon!

?What would we have if everyone in Australia drove a pink car?  We’d have a pink car-nation!

Why do bees have sticky hair?  Because they have honey combs!

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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