Why Brisbane will win the premiership

THE OPTIMIST’S GUIDE TO SEASON 2012. PART TWO.

By Alex Wadelton

WHY BRISBANE WILL WIN THE PREMIERSHIP

This year marks the eleventh anniversary of the Lions breakthrough 2001 premiership. And the tenth anniversary of their 2002 flag. And it’s also been a historic nine years since Brisbane held up the premiership cup in 2003. If you add up all of those years it equals thirty years, which coincides with Carlton’s 1982 Grand Final victory over Richmond which featured current Lions player Andrew Raines’ father Geoff Raines playing in his last game for Richmond before moving to Collingwood, Essendon and finally to, yes you guessed it, Brisbane. And you know what they say about premierships- when it Raines, it pours. You can’t argue with that sort of logic.

Coaching.

Michael Voss has learned a lot in his first few years of coaching.

Firstly, don’t have too many chicken sandwiches at selection committee meeting on Thursdays, they tend to repeat.

Secondly, the phrase “The Fev is the final piece of the puzzle” should only be uttered if you’re a scientist weighing up if a potential candidate has the Right Stuff to become an astronaut right before they take part in the Forced Expiratory Volume test (FEV). Michael Voss is no scientist.

Thirdly, it’s much better to win than to lose. The Lions late season form shows that they’re heading in the right direction, with a bunch of youngsters led by best and fairest winner Tom Rockliff finally showing that the Lions are on the up, or that the rest of the competition is on the way down. Either way, things are looking good for Voss the Boss.

Players to watch.

The most courageous player in the league is clearly Jonathon Brown. And how he goes, the Lions will go. His courageous running back with the flight of the ball in order to get his face caved in and inspire his teammates to do the same is an interesting, though perhaps not the most effective, way to show leadership. In fact, he’s been described as “kamikaze” in his attack on the ball, which didn’t work out too well for Japanese pilots. Nonetheless all reports say he is “training the house down” which bodes well for the Lions, and bodes badly for his tenants.

For years, Simon Black has racked up possessions like Michael Jackson on a shopping spree. With the King of Pop no longer with us, it’s up to the champion Brownlow Medallist to continue the tradition. Something that it looks like he’ll keep doing for at least another twelve years.

I’m not too sure who Joshua Green is, but after Brown and Black he’s the best Lions player with a colour for a surname. (Jack Redden didn’t quite qualify, and Daniel Merrett’s orange hair didn’t meet the criteria.)

Tactics.

The Lions are planning to play more like the Lions from the early 2000s. To achieve this, they have developed a revolutionary method to clone the key characteristics of the heroes from those teams and inject them into the current day players.

So expect to see the return of the hardness of Voss, the attack of Justin Leppitsch, the goal kicking of Alistair Lynch, the crazy eyes of the Scott twins and the genius of Darryl White in younger bodies. No news on which player will be the unlucky recipient of Jason Akermanis’ mis-matched hair and goatee.

Prediction.

If Brown can kick a hundred and all the other players play awesomely, the Lions will most definitely win the flag.

 

Next up: Why Carlton will 100% for sure win the 2012 premiership.

 

Comments

  1. Jed Adcock might want to stay injury free too. That might help a smidge.

  2. Michael Parker says:

    Haha great piece Alex. That Geoff Raines link is possibly the most tenuous of all time. Keep em coming!

  3. Alex – no doubt Brisbane will win the flag – just not sure which year it will be.

Leave a Comment

*