THE WRAP – ROUND VIII

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On Friday night The Pies sent The Barry Crockers an unequivocal message about playing at The Elite Level.  Those Crazy Cats from Sleepy Hollow did the same for Vossy’s Lions.  North drew deep on the Shinboner Spirit to hang on against The Fast Finishing Chardonnays and West Coast won on the road at the expense of The Fast Fading Fuchsias.  Finally throwing off their Nab Cup Premiership Hangover, The Kennel Coughs, led by Caring Sharing Barry, sent The Swans reeling down The Ladder.

Come Sunday and The Tigers survived their danger game against The Hawks.  The Blues finished strongly to lay down their September Credentials early while raising once more the question of Port Adelaide’s sustainability under pressure.   On the shifting sands of Docklands, The Bombers compounded St Kilda’s woes in a low scoring thriller.

Let’s face it, there are only two teams left in the 2010 Premiership Hunt, and they lead off Round IX at THOF in next Friday night’s lockout.

We hope you kept all those beer stubs from The G, The Dumb, The Other Cricket Ground, The Gabba, Footy Park, Hork Park and Subiaco.  That’s right, the rumour is that those socially responsible people around at IMF, after forcing the piratical banks to cough up their ill gotten gains, are going to turn a righteous hand to the overcharging for the humble dog’s eye and the cleansing ale that has been going on since the Appalling Football League banned the esky way back when.  Some of us may never have to work again.

The Coaches Carousel is a study in perpetual motion, or so Football’s First Lady would have us believe.  With not even a “the committee is 110% behind the coach” from any of the 16 club president, Kero has looked ahead to The Sydney Inventions*.  She’s greased the planetary gears, topped up the tank and cranked the terminal machine into action.  The morbid showground dirge grinds out options for Sheed’s 2IC up there in the Shadow of The Blue Mountains.  Really, give the Old Duffer a chance Kero.  They haven’t even got the liniment in stock yet, let alone a changing shed.  Is this what they mean by a slow news day?  Or maybe it’s just a promo for Footy Confidential?  If it is, it’s working.  We’ll all be watching around here in The Wrapcave.

It might equally be said that The Inventions may need an assistant on standby.  Old Mumbles, to consolidate his credentials up there, has gone on an anti Victorian tirade.  Good luck with that one Kev.  Most of the people living in Western Sydney already have mortal enemies – established over the centuries.  Have you ever been to a Croatia v Bosnia/Herzegovina soccer match?  Most of them have never heard of Victoria and think Melbourne is a Skip word describing a type of violent weather.  You’s be better off slagging Sydney Swans and the Eastern & North Shore Suburbs if you want rivalry Sheeds.

While were about it, let’s give a big Wrap welcome to Young Jessica Watson.  For those who have been contemplating their navel in a Himalayan cave over the last 12 months, she sailed around the world single handed before her 17^th birthday.  She had her knockers.  The Mothers of Melbourne of course thought she should have been told to tidy up her room and finish her homework.  Then there were those who said she didn’t sail in enough Northern Hemisphere waters to qualify for the record.  Those cries of foul came of course from the Northern Hemisphere camp.  Forget the record.  Look at the achievement.  The fact that she’ll never have to work again is immaterial.  Look at what some people are prepared to do for an early retirement.

In The Caribbean Big Bash The To & Froms took home the bacon with a convincing win set-up by a Baggy Green batting failure and finished off by a Pietersen & Kieswetter partnership of 111.  A couple of good English names there, eh?

On the slim streets of Europe’s Las Vegas, Mark Webber has won his 2^nd consecutive GP as the Red Bull Team comes in 1-2.  But not until after Michel the Shoe tried to finesse his way to the lead under safety car conditions.  The very nerve!!  (I would have thought the over weaning arrogance Wrap – Ed)

Cadell rides high in the saddle as he takes the punishing 7^th Stage of the Giro d’Italia as it hits the uphill stages.  In foul conditions he toughed out his competitors as he tunes up for the L’Tour.

St Kilda’s Ex-coach Doubtful Thomas has written of his old charges already for Season 2010.   Slamming the Lyon Cage as old school, he said that under the present game plan The Feeling Faints won’t be doing any Marching In come TLSIS.  Footy Confidential promises to be a classic tonight.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who was left at the gate after Round XIII

Fremantle v Collingwood.  Like anyone with September Aspirations, The Anchormen put up a fight.  But even Richmond can string a couple of quarters together.  You don’t allow a team of Collingwood’s undoubted quality a four-goal start and hope to win.  Although it should be said, they didn’t make enough of Big Laurie’s rucking dominance.  The Fremantle Playing Group gave their Long Suffering Faithful a glimmer of hope when they took it up to The Maggies in the 2^nd Term, but by then the damage had been done.  Collingwood pulled away in the Championship Quarter and were never bothered after that.  And didn’t they do it in style?  So much style that we’ve sent off to the Lexus Centre for Carringbush Bandwagon tickets.  Mickey Buckley has got Young Travis back in Copeland Medal winning form and, built on relentless pressure and numbers at the ball, their defence starts in the midfield.  And don’t they know how to hurt you from the turnovers?  Darren Jolley & Luke Ball would have to be the recruiting coup of the season, eh?  Still plenty of time for the Collywobbles to set in, but this side of the mid season disruption, they’re showing some frightening form and displaying a killer instinct.  Next Friday night’s clash against The Pussies should be a bottler.  It could be said that The Dockers were stiff losing two key players, McPharlin from defence and Mundy from the midfield, but it’s all about team effort, and they weren’t able to effectively cover the gaps.  They lick their wounds before heading across to Sin City for a crack at another sore and sorry loser from Round VIII on Saturday night.

The Bulldogs v The Swans.  It was good to see Madame Secretary at Manuka Oval supporting Grass Roots Footy.  She was wearing a nice Royal Blue & White tartan scarf with just a few threads of red.  Glorious Leader was of course absent on Duties of State getting his dial on the telly with his arm around Young Jessica.  With all these pollies showing up amongst the people you’d reckon there was an election coming up.  The result was pretty well assured when Bulldog Barry, who hadn’t had a kick for a fortnight, realized he’d look bad against his old playmates if he didn’t extract the digit.  He was back to his bustling best and bagged 5 snaggers, split a few packs and laid a few tackles.  Rocket would have been furious about The Doggies’ inaccuracy in the Final Stanza, after the game was well and truly in the bag.  With four contenders having percentages between 115% & 120%, a good percentage will be as good as a win when it comes to who plays Geelong or Collingwood in the 1^st week of September.  Replacing Daniel Bradshaw with Henry Playfair was never going to work, as The Bloods goal average of 2.25/quarter demonstrates.  They get their chance against fellow pretenders Fremantle next Saturday night.   For The Tricolours, it’s the NMFC on ES at the traditional time.

The Demons v The Eagles.  The Weagles accomplished a couple of things that have been alluding them for a bit.  They won on the road and they strung together consecutive victories.  (Aren’t they synonymous Wrap, considering they play only alternate matches in Perth? – Ed)  The training wheels appear to have fallen off the Demons’ Bandwagon.  These days teams consider five goals a quarter as par.  Melbourne’s effort of five in half a game of football was sub-optimal.  One goal in the 2^nd Half is just not acceptable at this level.  Even down at Brighton Grammar it wouldn’t be acceptable.  Not even on Elsternwick Park kicking into a howling northerly.  The Weagles weren’t much better.  There was no howling northerly and they were on the biggest stage in the country on a perfect day for Footy.  That they kicked 10.15 (75) is illustrative of their football prowess this season.  A win’s a win, but with so much expected of them, Woosher might be hearing the deathly showground dirge wafting on the wind.  As would his opposite number on the day.  The Coasters slip home to welcome The Feeling Faints next Sunday.  The Redlegs host The Chokers.

The Lions v The Pussies. As was expected, The Undermanned Maroons were mauled by TRP.  The Lions are out of The Eight and on Saturday night’s showing suggests this is a truer reflection of their capabilities for Season 2010..  Mrs Wrap said she heard somewhere that Alex had packed up and taken the kids back to Melbourne.  If the Brisbane midfield keep delivering the ball to him with subterranean passes, you wouldn’t blame The Fev for packing up and following her.  Even his skipper, from 35m, couldn’t honour one of his lumbering leads.  The honeymoon’s well and truly over for Boss Voss.  True, a return of 1-6 from the Opening Stanza is game losing football, especially when your opponent matches it with 6-2.  But The Pivotonians increased their lead at each change and looked every bit TRPs.  However, not without some blemishes.  For example, Long Sam Lonergan led their turnover count with five and must be contemplating life in the Geelong Falcons.  On the other hand, The Corio Oval Faithful will be heartened by The Big Tomahawk’s signs of maturing.  His 17 possession, 4 goal game would have sent shudders down the collective spine of the Competition’s defenders.  Stevie J was like pepper and salt and finished with 6 classy majors and the Big ex-Hairy Cat provided a link target from defence to attack with some good running marks out on wing half forward.  They measure themselves against Ladder Leaders next Friday.  The Lions pull on the winter thermals as they leave behind the balmy late autumn nights of SEQ and journey down to Crow Park.

The Shinboners v The Chardonnays.  It can’t be long before the West Lakes Committee gets 110% behind the coach.  Four goals & five behinds over three quarters of football isn’t sub-optimal.  It’s a bl**dy disgrace.  On the other hand, for a team with mathematical pretensions to September Action, The Kangaroos hardly impressed.  With a 4&4 match tally and a percentage of 81, they hardly played like a side that could take its opportunities.  They host The Sons of The West next Saturday Arvo.  The Unwooded Chardonnays host The Bad News Bears.

RICHMOND v Hawthorn. The Tiges survived their 3^rd challenge in four weeks as they held off yet another contender for The Coveted Sylvan Shield.  This has been their severest challenge and they only scraped in by three points.  After today’s near miss, SOTG are suggesting that it may be impossible for them to go through the season un-victorious.  Hawthorn, on the other hand only have the four points to show for their efforts in a fumbling undisciplined display.  If the Football World is wondering what happened to the Playing Group that held aloft the Premiership Trophy less than two seasons ago, imagine the utter bewilderment out in the Leafy East and along Glenferrie Road’s fashionable bars & bistros.  They have Carlton at the Boutique Oval next Sunday.  Richmond are guests of Essendon at The Dreamtime on The G.

Port Adelaide v Carlton can you believe Port Adelaide?  Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, bang, they choke again.  They were playing a team that is fast building a reputation for applying pressure and have the skills and the courage.  In fact, if they continue this trend they could be a real threat in the 2^nd Half of September.  The Kreuzer is getting better each week, O’hAilpin is taking grabs, Scotland is ageless, Judd is tireless & The Three Amigos are greased lightning.  They have the bye next Sunday against Hawthorn.  The Tealers travel to Melbourne to play Melbourne on the same day.  In the meantime, they have to work out what happened in that fateful Final Stanza before crowd of 30,228 Bewildered Faithful.

St Kilda v Essendon. The Free Falling Saints continued their spiralling spin into space in the gathering gloom of Docklands.  It was an arm wrestle all the way, but in the end they just couldn’t outscore The Bombers, and that’s what Our Great Game is all about – out scoring the opposition.  Sure they won more contested ball, had more possession, more inside fifties, won in the ruck, dominated the clearances & had three more scoring shots, but they failed to outscore the opposition.  But hey, let’s take nothing away from Knighter’s Baby Bombers, although you’d hardly call Ryder & Hille babies.  The Dons are on a roll and must feel comfortable about facing a Richmond Outfit next Saturday night that couldn’t even beat Hawthorn.  The Saints board the Indian-Pacific for a meeting with The Weagles next Sunday in the late one.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* Jeff stopped short of saying the Hawthorn committee was 110% behind the coaches.  He just put them on notice to pull up their socks.