THE WELCOME BACK WRAP

For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

What an off-season it’s been in Footy Eddie. Lots of juicy stuff for the Yellow Press. The Fev, Chicken Lips Nixon & the now 17 year old chick, Bomber’s Betrayal, the return of The Culture Club, an Ashes Creaming, and on top of all that, we have a new Reigning Premier, yes Wrappers, the C word is BIT. They even challenged The Football Gods by holding aloft the Who Cares Cup.

The real season can’t come quick enough for True Lovers of THE GAME. Our Great Game. The One True Game. And I tell you what, if they don’t play it in Heaven, I’m not going.

As the acrid smell of briquette smoke mingles with the sandalwood scent of belah, and the sweet thunk of bata scouts sinking into the Ross Faulkner can be heard across the land – from the Meanstreets of Struggletown to the Leafy East – from cobbled bluestone lanes to the never ending plains – and dare we say it – from sea to shining sea – a WideBrownLand awakes from slumber.
The Wrap end of August ladder is the traditional feature of this 1st issue after the withdrawal of the Long Dark Summer. And here it is.

THE FINAL LADDER

1. Collingwood – make no mistake, The Mighty Maggies are still in town. They have lost nothing over the break and have added Andrew Krakatau to their awesome midfield list and their old full forward to their backline. Mick has them cherry ripe to hand over to Fig Jam and it’s all peace and love at the Lexus Centre. Hard to look past them for all the obvious reasons.

2. Hawthorn – Taking a big punt here, as we did last year. They’ve spent as much time standing in front of the mirror as they did on the track in the pre-season and if Buddy & Roughie fire they could be on their way to another Flag, or at least a run on TLSIS. Burgoyne has added pace & flare to the already half handy mid-field and the back line is solid. We’ve all seen better Glenferrie Oval Combinations, but they were outstanding teams, the like of which we may never see again. At least not in the GoldenBrown.

3. Geelong – we’ve got The Moggies at # 3. Don’t laugh. After being betrayed, they have a new coach, which in itself may not necessarily be a bad thing. In fact, quite the opposite. The Son of God has followed his dreams and the dollars, which also may not be such a bad thing. Students of The Game were saying toward the end of last season that the lunatics were running the asylum down at Kardinia Park. And they have a new President residing over what has been an extremely functional administration. A new bladder, a new lace and a new cover, but the air’s straight off Corio Bay. They may not be the greatest team of all, but when the ball is bounced, to the final bell, they stand up and fight like hell.

4. Footscray – The Dishlickers had a horror year in 2010. Many STOTG have said playing Gillard and Akka on the same forward line was doomed to fail and it’s really hard to see where any improvement can come from. Cooney could have a better year, but they don’t seem to have recruited any outstanding prospects. It could be said that this is the penalty for consistency. Collingwood showed how to break that nexus with the recruitment of Jolley, Ball Tarrant & Krakouer. It would seem that some new direction is called for out at Whitten Oval.

5. St Kilda – It’s déjà vu all over again down at The Culture Club. They’ll be formidable again, and why wouldn’t they be with their line up, but the early draft picks who were supposed to deliver an era in the first decade of the 21st Century are now playing in the 2nd decade, and to The Long Suffering Junction Oval Faithful it may seem like the 22nd Century already. The Saints will be there, but in spirit only.

6. Carlton – The Miseries have to produce this season. So much hype, so much dosh, so little to show for it. Down along La Via Lygon they’re talking it up, and if Ratts can’t get them fired up there’s bound to be a re-action. They look good on paper but so far they’ve only been paper champions. One last chance Blues Brothers.

7. Fremantle– The Barry Crockers made the September Action last season after disappointing so often. Enigmatic at best, they still should sneak into this season’s September Action by sending enough below by dint of home ground advantage alone. Not inspiring, but they have the list – providing they can keep them on the paddock.

8. Melbourne – this was a hard one. A toss up between the Vastly Improved Gliders and The Redlegs. We’ve gone for The Redlegs because we feel Essendon would make a wonderful 9th. And based on the form and class they showed last year. Watch out for Jack Who on Brownlow night. He could poll surprisingly well. He’s got the clean-cut image they look for at Brand AFL. The sort of fine young man they produce down along The Bay where the motto is Meliora Sequarmur.

9. Essendon – After their shameful treatment of a Tiger Captain and their totally unethical recruitment of the Geelong Coach, nothing is beneath this mob. Their pre-season form has been impressive and we’re tipping they start of like a German band, but it will only be a dead cat bounce and they’ll fall away later in the season to hold aloft Glorious Ninth for Season 2011. The depth of their self delusion knows no bounds. Out at Whingy Hill and the Puckle Street Pâtisserie they talk of fear & loathing. The rest of us regard their actions with profound distaste.

10. North Melbourne – We had The Northerners at 14th last season and we were wrong; they just missed out on the Finals after some gallant performances. There’s tension at Arden Street, and while the Whole Football World only wishes them well, they look to be locked into that band of mid-ladder mediocrity.

11. Sydney – All good things come to an end. Mark Twain has had more predictions of demise than The Swans. Last year we predicted the end of the Bloods Football Era, as we did the two years before that. We may have been a tad hasty with the call, but that’s not going to prevent us from making it again this season. Hopefully we’re wrong, because Sydney – a one-team town like Geelong – needs a successful footy team. And John Longmire needs a good start to his senior coaching career, for which we offer our very best wishes.

12. Adelaide – The Chardonnays disappointed last season, and we’re tipping they’ll disappoint again. Their star seems to be on the wain and their coach would be shortening for Coach Most Likely. A couple of bad losses and we’ll witness just how thin that veneer of respectability is among the gentry along Pennington Terrace

13. Port Adelaide – Port came home with a wet sail under a new skipper last season, and they have a gun full forward in Jay Schultz, but they’ve not impressed in the practice matches. They could settle in and don’t be surprized if they do better than 13th.

14. Richmond – we’d all like to see the Tiges roaring again, and they’ve shown that they have it in them, but they just don’t seem to able to get their stripes all running the same way at the same time. Again, expect that mid season revival that has become a tradition at Punt Road. It’s been the Bagmen’s Delight and the Astute Punter’s overseas holiday money. However, their pre-season form suggests they’ve learnt little to nothing since last year. Will finish the season looking a lot better than 14th but early season form will keep them anchored in the cellar.

15. West Coast – a lot has been expected of The Eagles and this would have to be the make it or break it year for Woosher. Pre-season form has been heartening, and while we don’t like to discourage effort, they may just struggle a bit. In the same breath, we’d love to, and could well be, wrong.

16. Brisbane – if after all they’ve been through up there in Bananaland wasn’t enough, they have to contend with this mob. After Vossy’s stellar debut season someone up there let their egos run wild, with a disastrous outcome. The resultant depleted player list, ravaged treasury and almost on-existent self-belief has left Vossy with a mountain to climb, but first he must get over the dunghill.

17. The Meter Maids – no surprizes here. As sure to be on the bottom of everyone’s list as Collingwood is to be on the top. Crosstown rivalry will have some bite. The two contests between Bad News Bears & The Little Rays of Sunshine could well decide who holds aloft the Coveted Timber Trophy by season’s end.

The Flag
The Ghosts at the Yarra Falls End will again be stirring as The Black&White Army gathers to trash their own suburb again and WEG will be drawing that Tenacious and Quarrelsome Monochrome Bird for the traditional Hun poster. Good Old Collingwood For Ever will make it on the charts and we’ll all have to put up with their blatherskiting.

The Coach most likely
The year the Deathly Dirge of the Coaches’ Carousel will be wafting down from Mt Lofty and along the Rundle Mall. Yes coach Craig, it sounds for you. Others who will be wearing earplugs to avoid its mournful, demoralizing drone include Rocket and Whooser.

The Fevola
Old Chicken Lips is going to take some beating and is the clear clubhouse leader at this stage. We’re sticking with Chicken Lips, because it just can’t get any sleazier, but a betting scandal strikes at the very roots of THE GAME, and would certainly over ride a bit of sex & drugs.

The Brownlow
On Brownlow Night the Ayatollah will be announcing – “Dane Swan – Collingwood – to make up for the one he won last year but we gave to Chris Judd because he brought a really classy chick with him” – with 28 votes

The Coleman
Richmond reject Jay Schultz has found a new home at Port Adelaide and, being the major avenue to goal, will kick enough to earn the Coleman.

The Wrap Feature Team for 2011
Obviously we’ll be giving a big Wrap Welcome to Little Gazza and his elite group. The Bluebaggers could make the grade should the wheels come of the Juddanaught, and don’t be surprized if The Marshmallows make Feature Team status for the 3rd successive season.

We’ll be applying for Carringbush Band Wagon tickets again. I can’t work out why Eddie hasn’t been back to us.

As usual we’ll be closely following THE TIGERS and give Wrap Subscribers the drum when there’s serious movement from the Deep Woods.

So, let’s join in the chorus where hearts beat true and welcome Season 2011.

1. Collingwood
2. Hawthorn
3. Geelong
4. Footscray
5. St Kilda
6. Carlton
7. Fremantle
8. Melbourne
9. Essendon
10. North Melbourne
11. Sydney
12. Adelaide
13. Port
14. RICHMOND
15. West Coast
16. Brisbane
17. The Suns

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

Comments

  1. Mulcaster says:

    In my mind’s eye I see Gary Oldman in “Leon” alley clearer in hand saying “I love these quiet monents before the storm”.

  2. Andrew Fithall says:

    Good to have you back Wrap. And did you know that The Marngrook Footy show is now on ABC2? Just by the way, this year TLSIS is actually TFSIO.

  3. Rick Kane says:

    That mirror you talk of Mr. The Wrap, that the Hawks are looking into is the deep dark truthful mirror (to quote little Elvis). The only reason the Hawks were looking in the mirror was to have a gold hard look at what they are and what is theirs. It doesn’t hurt to run a blow wave through ones hair while doing so.

    Cheers

  4. Excellent work as always, Wrap. Perhaps a bit harsh on Ye Olde Suns? Surely no team could be worse than Brisbane are at the moment.

  5. John Butler says:

    Susie, I think you just need to give the Suns time on that one. :)

  6. Steve Healy says:

    Well written Mr.Mosig. Thanks for putting the Dees in the 8 and Gold Coast last. I couldn’t ask for more

  7. Peter Flynn says:

    G’day Wrap,

    I reckon Judd will play 4-5 very good games and romp the Brownlow in.

    PF

  8. John Butler says:

    You’re all just envious.

  9. Phil Dimitriadis says:

    Good call Wrap. I’d probably swap St Kilda with Geelong. Otherwise, I feel the same, but you never know.

  10. John Mosig says:

    I see the Marngrook footy Show is on ABC 2 Andy. We’ll be tuned in.

Leave a Comment

*