THE PRE WRAP – ROUND I

FOR THE PHILOSOPHICAL MARNGROOK FAN

 

What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  We’ve seen the launch of Sheedy’s Sydney Shenanigans up in the shadow of the Sandstone Curtain.  (No Nurelle – I know he mumbles, but you’re thinking of Sandy Stone)  That didn’t go too badly.  Sydney blew Their Crosstown Rivals off the park in one quarter of Devastating Footy and came home with the Four Points and some handy percentage.

Next we had the Tiger Renaissance that didn’t resonate.  Walking to the ground it was like being in the Crusader Army of Peter The Hermit.  And sadly, it ended in pretty much the same way.  When the teams ran out you’d be excused for wondering if there’d been a pogrom on anyone wearing the Famous Old Dark Blues in the car park.  The Tigers ran out to a resounding roar as The Long Suffering Punt Road Faithful rose as one and belted out their Team’s Song.  This was the moment they’d bled for, cried for and told their grandchildren they’d one day be part of.  Alack, alas.  ‘Twas all in vain.  The Tiges, as they have for some time now, showed they’re not totally devoid of class, but three of their highest six possession getters were in defence.  For The Blues, five of theirs were midfielders, and the sixth – Yarran – kicked the Goal of The Match 10 minutes into the Final Term to drive TLSPRF to the exists.  (Come on Wrap, the next day was a school day – Ed)  It was a high pressure game played at an electric pace, and the bottom line on the night was that The Silvertails handled the ball cleaner than the Lads From Struggletown.  The Tiges had their moments, but that was all.  And let’s be honest here, The Miseries looked every bit a Top Four Side.  (Turn it up Wrap, you had them a generous 6th a week ago.  You better not miss that next medical check-up – Ed).  Richmond steel themselves for The Reigning Runners-Up.  The Rattzbaggers get to check out the Pleasures of the One Party State when they are guests of Vossie’s Avengers in another Thursday night encounter.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be in the run after Round I.

The Hawks v The Magpies at The G tonight.  Last year we wrote – It’s hard to go against last year’s Runners Up, but there are sound reasons to do so.  We were talking about St Kilda of course, but it seems applicable again this year, so we’ll slip it in.  And why are we going against Carringbush?  Because they’re missing quite a few from the team sheet they pinned up in the butcher’s shop window before last year’s Preliminary Final.  And why are we going for The Mayblooms?  Because they aren’t.  But make no mistake, it’s going to be a bottler, but The Mustard Pots will be just too hot for The Pies.

The Fuchsias v The Boys From Old Fitzroy tomorrow at The Peoples’ Ground tomorrow.  It will be an emotive day for The Dees, for obvious reasons.  Neither side has impressed pre-season, so we’ll do what all courageous pundits do and go for the Homeside.

The Metermaids v The Pride of South Australia at the Metricon, late afternoon tomorrow.  The Sunbeams have a year under their belt and have actually caught the imagination of the Gold Coast sports fans – who, let’s face it – have a choice between their soccer club and the NRL Titans.   The former has been pulled by its owner Sir Kerry Palmer.  The latter is reported to be on the market.  The Ayatollah’s call up there will either go down in a screaming heap – or prove to be one of the smartest marketing calls since Richmond joined the breakaway VFL group back in 1908.  But with The Chardonnays looking to pop their cork once more, marketing and a shinny new stadium will have nothing to do with the outcome.  The Crows.

The Barry Crockers v The Reigning Premiers at Patterson Stadium tomorrow night.  A big first-up challenge for the enigmatic Ross Lyon and his New Look Dangerous Dockers.  The Moggies haven’t been travelling all that well pre-season, but Carlton & Richmond proved the fallacy of Whatever Cup form last night.  Channel Kerry has the free to air broadcast, so we’re going to record Iron Chef and Harry Potter & The Halfwit Prince.  Look, The Stevedores are going to play with more Self Belief under Roscoe, and they’ll have The Purple Horde behind them.  The Bagmen favour The Pussies, but we’re going to stick our neck out here.  You’d peddle your Malvern Star across the Nullarbor to catch The Icon Zac on the jPod.  And what about Big Luke McPharlin on The Tomahawk?  Not to mention the new look Michael Johnson on Stevie J.  It’s been recorded in past editions that we have a soft spot for The Handbags, but not soft enough to tip them against The Rejuvenated Dockers.  We reckon they’ll close down The Cats’ scoring opportunities, and create enough of their own to win.  Over there, The Dockers.

The Shinboners v The Bad News Bombers on the Little Ground at the end of Bourke Street on Saturday night.  Both teams will be keen to get the season underway with a win.  Obviously, one will be disappointed.  Drew Petrie on Scragger Fletcher will ensure that retirement homes around the nation will be tuned to see if the hero of the aging will see the game out.  Swallow will show Timmy’s Little Boy a clean pair of heels, and that, dear reader, will be the ball game.  North with something to prove.

The Western Bulldogs v The Western Eagles under cover for the early one on Sunday.  Lake in his first comeback match against Nick Nat Nui in the goal square for the first match of his predicted breakout season?  Are you kidding?  Everywhere you look, The Weagles seem to have The Dishlickers covered.  They’ll bark and roar, those Doggies, but it won’t be enough.  The Coasters to notch a comfortable win.

The Power v The Feeling Faints at Footy Park on a lonely Sunday arvo.  And with the end of daylight saving it’s going to a gloomy moment as they run out onto the ground.  A couple of rookie coaches slugging it out here.  In fact the season could be dubbed The Season of The Rookie Coaches.  The Chokers were showing a bit of form under Matthew Primus towards the end of last season, and there’s been a bit of a clean out at Alberton.  You’d have to expect The Sainters would have got a new lease of life too.  We’ll stick with St Seaford this time, if only because they have a better list.  A much better list.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

 

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

Comments

  1. Mr Wrap – I note your sagely comment about TLSPRF heading for the exists early in the last quarter.
    The early 19th century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard is generally considered the founder of existentialism. He maintained that the LSPRF is solely responsible for giving his or her own life meaning and for living that life passionately and sincerely, in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation, and boredom. He was clearly a Tiger supporter.
    I must get out my Monty Python LP’s and check out the Philosopher’s Song for guidance about the allegiances of other notables.

  2. As I sit in the local library on their website – because I lost my house on the Tiggies last night – I note your comment about handbags Wrapster.

    Last time I wandered down Bridge Road past the outrageously priced trash and treasure emporiums I noticed that the new season’s handbags were all black and yellow. They don’t appear to be making blue and white ones any more.

  3. The Wrap says:

    I wanted to send in a blank submission to show we’re suffering in silence here at The Wrap. But the Almanac program won’t let me. I don’t know why not. The MYKI program will.

  4. Port’s forwards are gorillas and they’ve looked okay in the NAB. The Feeling Faints are a trifle short and are down on prep thanks to the skulduggery of those venomous bumpkin-letter-downerers EssenHird. Money to be made on the last of the round methinks.

  5. Rick Kane says:

    Carn the Hawks … to be continued

  6. The Wrap says:

    Could well be right there Matt. It was more than tempting, but the old soft spot kicked in. Or is that soft cock. Thought we’d give The Sainters the benefit of the doubt just one more time.

    But hey, how about those Hawkers. Sure it was only Carringbush with a ragtag team and a new coaching panel, but how impressive were The Reining Premiership Favourites?

    Speaking of that new coaching panel – check out the photo on p2 of this morning’s Sage. A picture tells a thousand words, eh? Not sure how Rocket’s going to work out at the Lexus Centre.

Leave a Comment

*