What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Coaches Carousel has nearly spun itself to Ayres Rock and back.  The Charddies have gone for Brenton Sanderson.  Or as The City of Churches’ Addy put it – The Sandman Cometh.  (Ernie Siggley still on on Thursday nights over there Wrap? – Ed)  So that’s half of the four new appointments have been career coaches rather than ex-league profile players.  Is Ronald Dale’s prophesy – that The Game would become fully professional – finally being fulfilled?

The Footscray Hierarchy have gone for Ocean Grove’s Brendan McCartney to fill Rocket’s runners.  The Bagmen would have made a bomb out of it too – they had Leon Cameron shorter than the seven dwarves.  And open the window.  The moral outrage out there is deafening.  You can’t hear it?  It’s deafened us too.

Our Concise Macquarie Dictionary is a wealth of information.  Take these three definitions for example.  A king-hit is defined as – to punch forcibly and without warning.  Shepherd – to protect a teammate by blocking or shouldering a member of the opposing side who comes within a short distance of the ball, so as to give the teammate a clear area of play.   Shirtfront – a head-on charge aimed at bumping an opponent to the ground.  How they define them around at Maggot Central is anybody’s guess.  As for the MRP it’s simple – one rule for March to August and another for September.

Young Benito, our favourite paperboy along La Via Lygon, swears that when Andrew Walker turned up at the Kent for Mad Monday, Darren Glass was still hanging onto him.  He made no mention of Juddy, still over in the park opposite practicing his clearing kicking.

Now The Bombers’ Brendan McCartney has moved to The Western Oval they’ll have the room to bring Harvs back into the fold at Whingy Hill.  This will be a great gesture to a Favourite Son down on his luck and, after all, Sheeds has given his imprimatur.  Remember he called him one of the finest young coaches going around.  This whole saga is turning out a win, win, win all round.  The Barry Crockers get rid of a coach they didn’t want.  St Kilda get rid of a coach who didn’t want to be there.  And The Bombers regain a Favourite Son.  And they all lived happily ever after.  If only real life was that easy.

And did anyone else pick up on a comment from Rossy Lyon from over in The Fremantle Bunker?  We were in the car at the time and can only paraphrase his words here.  He was talking of commitment.  (As Our Glorious Leader has suggested we all do – Ed)  He said club leaders set the level of commitment.  If a CEO starts late and finished early, then his staff takes the same attitude.  If he starts late and is the last to leave they take that as the benchmark.   Pheeew Rossy!!  You whistle and I’ll point?

And hands up those who nearly brought up their protein powder smoothy the other morning when they read in The Sage that the AFLPA CEO O’Spud, ‘dismayed by last week’s callous axing of (Coach) Harvey’ was sitting down with Angry Adrian to write a standardized contract to ensure it doesn’t happening again?  We’ve said this before, and we feel sure we’ll find ourselves saying it again, but if you sup with the Devil you should make sure you have a very long spoon.  I’m not sure that 1984 & Animal Farm would have been on the book list at Birregurra Consolidated, which is more the pity.

And while we’re staring socialized Football in the face, can anyone tell me whether the accredited managers have an association?  Why do we ask?  Because on Monday night, when Wallsie asked Luke Darcy if he had a manager  – we learnt that the modern player is required by the Appalling Football League to have one.  Which kind of makes you go all woozy when you recall that the Ayatollah only a week or so ago threatened that it was not inconceivable for the AFL to have its own managers – a comment “Ned” Kelly seems not to have picked up on.

So my dear Watson, what have we got?  An AFL Institute of Football for promising high school kids, who would be assigned to AFL teams and managed by AFL managers.  It sounds preposterous now, but so did the vote for women and the flying machine a bare ten years ago.

And we can’t let The Prince of Hypocrites get away with his latest sermonizing.  He was referring to the “inflationary “ action of sacking a coach, and named The Dockers, The Tealers & The Bombers.  He’s presumably referring to the contractual obligations these clubs had to their sacked coaches.  You’d be entitled to ask if he writes his own material; and if he does, does he run it past any adults before he delivers it?  Of course the rejoinder to the “inflationary” barb is – probably, but not as much as paying a couple of rugby hacks a million a year for doing nothing more than wearing the team colours, and an unproven 20 year old $6 million over five years.

And check this one out for us will you Scotty.  We’ll have to wait and see what the new Mentor at Seaford has to say about it of course – but the latest rumour is that St Riewoldt will be used as trade bait.  And – drum roll please – he’s to join his cousin at Tigerland.

The locals at Docklands call it Windy City, and Kevin Bloody Sheedy did everything to enhance that reputation when the old windbag blew into Ethelred Stadium for a Press Club Luncheon.  Declaring a Jihad against The Dockers, he called for every club to poach a player from Fremantle and “see how they suffer”.  Now that’s really getting into the Spirit of Greater Western Sydney Sheeds.

And while we’ve got you there Mumbles, you said Harvs had to play every kid on the list because of injuries.  The Sunbeams played every kid on the list too, but not once did they dog it.

Go you Aussie Good Thing.  Put a gap in ‘em.  Casey Stoner keeps on keeping on as he notches up another Victory to consolidate his lead in the MotoGP Championship.  The Joeys’ new Test Captain Will Genia is keeping the faith over in Kiwi.  Asked if they could still win the Rugby World Cup our Will said – “Definitely.  I can’t see why not.  Lost one game.  We’re not out of it yet”.  Hopefully the shock loss to The Galloping Greens was TLWHTH.  And Mr Cricket demonstrates why he is so called by topping both the batting and the bowling averages in Ceylon.  That’s right Nurelle, the bowling averages.  Three maidens from seven over’s, he took two wickets for seven runs.  Go you Aussie Good Thing.  Put a gap in ‘em.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s likely to be foot loose & fancy free after Round III of The Final Series 2011.

The Mayblooms v The Woodsmen on The Big Stage tonight.  They’ll be sitting back smoking the cherrywood down at Sleepy Hollow tonight.  This is the Preliminary Final they prayed for.  Collingwood & Hawthorn going at it boots and barstools.  The Mayblooms had a good hitout going into this one against The Bloods; The Maggies had time for a run up Kosciusko and back.  Ward Rooney has it a perfect night for Footy.  Both sides have been there before.  The Pies regain a couple of All Australians; The Hawks are unchanged.  (And won’t The Daisy Cutter be hungry for some leather – Ed)  Honestly, it’s difficult to see a match-up that couldn’t go either way.  Right down to the Interchange Bench, these sides are so evenly matched.  And as much as this sounds like a copout, the side that wins the contested ball and plays the cleaner Football on the night will win.

The X factor in all this is the whistleblowers.  If they let the game flow, it will be a bottler.  If they try to control it, as they did in Perth last weekend, it can get lopsided and see one side getting away to a flyer.  (As happened in Perth last weekend Wrap? – Ed)  Rosebury & Ryan can get a bit down on Unsociable Football – Jordon Lewis take note – and have been known to be pedantic in some of their interpretations – Buddy Franklin take note –  but on the whole they’re fair minded.

The Carringbush selectors have gone for Diddums Didak over Fasolo.  Diddums hasn’t been in the best of form lately, and will be keen to justify Mick’s faith in him with a Big Occasion Game.  There again, it may come back to bite Mick on the hand that feeds.  Apart from that, everyone’s in cracking form.

Will Gibson will play off Cloke and spoil at every occasion, or is the plan to slip Stratton across onto him and have Gibson cover the resting rover – nominally Ball?  At the other end, can Tazza hold the Mercurial Buddy and Harry O the equally mercurial Cyril?  We could go on all morning like this.  The bottom line is that The Woodsmen have had a rest, so crucial at the end of a long season and a tough Finals Campaign.  The Hawks have had a couple of tough ones, and although The Kokoda Kids will give their all, we feel they may run out of juice by the end of The Contest.  Sorry all you Little Hawkers out there, the Wrap Loungeroom will be decked in the GoldenBrown of The Leafy East, but it’s Carringbush to go on to October.

The High Flying Eagles v The Greatest Team Of All at the Traditional Time & Place.  The Weagles withstood everything The Miseries could throw at them last weekend.  There are those who still maintain that the outcome was engineered, but we maintain that any team that can have eight unanswered goals kicked against it has some serious flaws in their make-up.  The bearing this has on Saturday’s match?  West Coast may have played their Grand Final.  And won’t Stevie J be out to show the All Australian Selectors they made a serious error of judgement omitting him?

Having said that, let’s recall the words of The Late Great Yabby Jeans – I lost four Grand Finals, and each time we were beaten in the ruck.  The Weagles will beat Geelong in the ruck.  And they’ve got the talls to worry The Pussies up forward.  Will that be enough to take the day?  Probably not when you consider the power of the Handbags’ ground players – down back, in the middle and up forward.  And let’s not forget The Moggies have some marking power of their own in attack.

There’ll be some worthy match-ups.  Darren Glass, fresh from his match saving spoil on Walker last week, will be keen to repeat the dose on the jPod.  Harry T on Carlton Reject Big Josh Kennedy.  And don’t be surprized to see Beau Waters drift across to the opposite flank to exchange pleasantries with the aforesaid Stevie J.  There’ll be some terrific Footy and heaps of highlights but The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires should pull away in the end.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.


Not sure about you, but following Football has been a bit intense lately, what with the Fabric of Clubs being rent asunder and Questions needing to be asked of Commitment and all that.  One of the questions in The Sage Backpage Quiz through the week was who won the 1936 Miss Hungary title only to lose it for being under age?  Think about it; it’s not too hard.  Some of her quotes might help.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married.  Then he’s finished.

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

How many husbands have I had?  You mean apart from my own?

Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.

I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.

I want a man who’s kind and understanding.  Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

I’m a great housekeeper.  I get divorced.  I keep the house.

The women’s movement hasn’t changed my sex life.  It wouldn’t dare.

To a smart girl men are no problem – they’re the answer.

We were both in love with him.  I fell out of love with him, but he didn’t.

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

And here’s the final clue.  If you don’t get it after this your were born this century.

Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement.  He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles.

No Nurelle, not Paris Hilton, but you’re on the right track, only a lot more stylish.  (A whole lot more stylish – Ed)

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Wrapster – Zsa Zsa Gabor is the answer to your riddle.

    What margin do you tip the Cats by. Courage, Wrapster, courage is needed to name your margin.

  2. Good summary Wrapster.

    Perhaps equal rights have destroyed the Vamp but I can’t think of female celebratory born after World War 2 with as many wonderful quotes as Zsa Zsa or for that matter Mae West.

  3. I’ll say 38 points, and the way in which the do it to send a shudder down the collective Carringbush spine, have Joffa pawning the lamee and justifying Mick’s tears.

    And Dave, you got me thinking – and googling. Jane Russell said she liked a man who could run faster than she could – and not a lot else that made it through to posterity. Marilyn on the other hand was a real talker – and a thinker. Deserving of further investigation. I just grabbed this one for a taste. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” See what I mean?

    And who else gave the votes to Roseberry, Meredith & Ryan. All Collingwood players and clearly the most influential players on the ground?

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