THE WRAP – THE THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES ROUND
Where life imitates Football
Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. If you can say anything about Collingwood it’s that you get your moneys worth. We can’t remember laughing so much in the Wrapcave on a Thursday night. It’s usually all go go go getting out the Pre Wrap in time for Friday. This Thursday, what with the early edition deadline on the Wedndeaday and the shortened bye-round we were able to kick back and knock the scab off a few frosties. Nurelle’s Mum & Dad were on their way up North to avoid the Winter and dropped in with a huge pile of finger food they’d knocked up out the left over’s in the fridge. Boofer slipped down to the local IGA and picked up a trolley load of Four ‘Twenties and another one of VB and we were away. Boofer grew up in Adelaide and spent a good deal of his childhood on Semaphore Beach. The tears were rolling down his cheeks as a sitter bounced off Cloke’s chest dead in front. The sight of Bucks banging his head on the table in the Coach’s Box bench had us all in stitches. And his imitation of a Crow Call brought the house down. This was their best gig since they opened the Comedy Festival back in March. If you missed them on Thursday, they’re back on stage at The Glee Club next Saturday for the matinee. Get in early, there’s sure to be a rush on tix. Their straight men, The Chardonnay Twins, play the same venue for the Sunday Matinee. This time they’re billed with another of the great comedy teams of the last decade or so – The Cartoon Blues. Should be a riot.
The comedy turned to pathos on the Friday night as The Blood Stained Angles Shook The Thunder Down From The Sky under the roof at Docklands.
On Saturday it was The Tigers’ turn. Gathered to remember the life of A Club Legend, they let the moment slip as they fell beneath the momentum of The Raging Demons in front of 56,927 Football Followers. The Shinboners Came Out To Play and vented their spleen on The Poor Old Maroons as they shared The Sweep with The Suns and registered the highest & lowest on the same scoreboard.
Come Sunday and all that was left was to witness The Rising Suns continue their plundering ways, this time it was St Seaford who felt their wrath.
A measure of Tommy Hafey’s humanity was that the tributes from the Victoria Park Faithful were as heartfelt as those from the Punt Road Faithful. If it can ever truly said of anyone, it can be said of Tommy. He was one of Nature’s Gentlemen. Sadly missed but ne’er forgotten.
Hey, how about that EFC legal team. Downright Lie & Procrastynate have been keeping their heads well below the parapets since this whole doping scandal broke. Apart from a few Innocent Until Proven Guilties and a barrage of There’s No Evidences there’s been nothing on their website and we’ve heard little from their Senior Associate Sir Frank Downright. Some SOTG were wondering if they’d been given the flick and Sir Frank put out to pasture. But it’s out now; they’ve been biding their time. Waiting for the right moment. Cop this; they’re going to challenge any action by ASADA on the grounds of intolerable delays in proceedings since the investigation ceased. Well, they got one thing right. The delays have been certainly been intolerable. (So has their behaviour throughout the Whole Sorry Saga – Ed) But as grounds to have the matter struck out? Good luck with that one Bombers.
And our scuttlebutt has it that The B Mac is going to cast a wide net. And there’s going to be some very big fish caught in it. It’s only gossip at this stage, but you never know, do you? ASADA have certainly lifted their game, and if we’re going to compete on the World Stage, out sportsmen & sportswomen have to look squeaky clean. Especially after all the holier than thou noises we’ve made over the decades. There’s a good bit of heavy pressure involved here and the mates club mightn’t count for a hill of beans. (I hope you’re not insinuating that Joe & Tony want more bang for their bucks Wrap? – Ed)
Billy Shortening has accused The Mad Monk’s chief bean counter of being out of touch with the common people. I tend to agree with him. Maybe we should all be writing to our local member to find out where those $3 pots are being pulled. (Maybe we should be asking for middies instead of pots – Ed) A pot at an Appalling Football League venue would cost you every bit as much as a trip to see your local sawbones. In fact it’s been suggested that a pot of beer at the Footy replace the cappuccino as the cost-of-living yardstick.
How about those Aussie Pedal Pushers? They’re putting a gap in ‘em over around the Mediterranean as everyone warms up for the Big One in France. Go you Aussie Good Things.
Talking of Good Things, anyone notice who won the FA Cup at Wembley over the weekend? That’s right, The Mighty Gooners. A much needed piece of Silverware at Gillespie Road.
But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who’s shut the gate after Round VIII
The Free Settlers v Carringbush. This one started at a frenetic pace and there was a bit of spite all the way through it. The Two Tone Monochromes got away to a good start after conceding the first goal and looked set to go on with it. Then the unforeseen happened; The Chardonnays started winning the ball and kicking goals. They may not be as bad as we all thought. Thyey’re sitting 4&4 with The Miseries at THOF to come next Sunday. The Woodsmen would have had this one inked in. It’s left them 5&3 with West Coast in the gathering gloom next Saturday. This one’s at THOF as well.
The Dons v The Bloods. We’ll be brief here. Hugh Wirth’s phone was running hot on Friday night apparently. The RSPCA registered over 10,000 requests for one of their inspectors to go to the Docklands and put the EFC out of its misery. The Swans consolidated their Top Four status and have a week off before inviting The Moggies up for another of those ridiculous Thursday nighters at The Other Cricket Ground. And aren’t those Twin Towers an awesome sight. Buddy’s in career best form now that he’s got used to those narrow streets up in Sin City, and Big Kurt is just as monstrous. The Same Olds had no answer to the power of The Swans and were playing catch-up footy all night. They have a rest too before they host The Endangered Species on Saturday night’s Dreamtime at The G match.
The Striped Marvels v The Lucifers. All year the Tigers haven’t been able to do it for The Jumper. This week they couldn’t do it for The T-Shirt. TLSPRF are still in shock & mourning. (Make that a double shock – Ed) They had nine more inside 50s and eight more scoring shots. If half those extra scoring shots had been straighter, they would have won a thriller by three points. But they weren’t and The Redlegs ran all over them in the Final Stanza. Make no mistake; Roosy has The Dees believing in The Grande Olde Flag once again. Jones was everywhere and even the Much Maligned Jack Who was in the action with three majors and a score assist. But it wasn’t just a few individuals that brought them Victory. Every Heart Beat True For The Red & The Blue. As for The Moth Eaten Ones, this was their el memento de la verdad. Win this and the next one against The Gargantuans up in Tinseltown, then take out The Marshmallows in the Dreamtime at The G match and their season was reignited at 5&6. Instead they’re 2&5 with Shattered Self Belief. Based on the effort they put in on Saturday they’re no more than a 50/50 chance to beat the Nar Nar Goon 3rds, let alone a bunch of kids in their third season at the Elite Level. To kick 2 goals in the opening quarter & only four to half time left Melbourne in the contest at the long Interval. And it was all the sniff The Dees needed. They came out and kicked 10-2 to 5-12 in the second half to leave TLSPRF stunned. In mourning right now, the anger is suppressed. But if things don’t improve dramatically you can expect the grindstones to be sending the sparks of those machetes around at Tigerland pretty soon. Roosy’s Demons take a week off before they host The Power From Port in the Shadows of Anzac Hill. (You sure you’ve got it right this time Wrap; the match is in The Alice – right? – Ed)
The Galloping Kangaroos v The Roy Boys. Normally you’d say 17-23 under cover was bad kicking, but on this occasion it didn’t matter. The Shinboners’ opponents only managed 6-2. The Roos can take the percentage and the Four points out of this match, but not much else other than an enhanced reputation as a flat track bully. (Turn it up Wrap; they beat Freo over there and Port – Ed) Be that as it may Oh Worldly Wordsmith, they are The Bagmen’s Manna From Heaven. Fair Dinkum, you wouldn’t trust them with Monopoly money. We’ll find out more about the proof rating of The Shinboner Spirit when they venture down Highway One to face The Rebounding Handbaggers at Cat Central to open proceedings for Round X. We don’t see The Bad News Bears against till round XI when they host The Bluebaggers up in the Lions’ Den in the gathering gloom. In contrast to their down coast neighbours, The Maroons are having a horror season. They’ve lost all momentum and their 38 points was their season’s nadir in a string of sub standard scores. They’ve only kicked more than 50 points on three occasions. Once in the opening round against The Hawks when they managed 91 to Hawthorn’s 139. Sixty-one in a hiding against The Sunbeams, and 82 to outscore The Feeling Faints by three points. They may not have the cattle, but Under 10 teams regularly kick more than 38 points. Expect some changes, and sorry Leppa, you’re at the head of the Leader Board for The Coach Most Likely.
The Anchormen v The Pivotonians. Never mind the balmy shark infested waters of Cottesloe, you could get a chunk taken out of your surfboard just as easily riding the bumps at Paterson Stadium on Saturday night. Not sure whether Stevie J was the shark biscuit or the shark, but they don’t muck around over there in The West. If you’ve got a dorsal fin you’re netted, gaffed and they put a .303 bullet into you. Stevie J, this is you life. But even that sideshow aside, it wasn’t a good day for The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires. They hardly seemed Le Force Majeure of the earlier in the season, let alone the previous decade, and The Mauve Miasma had all the answers, including The Pav. Wasn’t he magnificent? Three hundred games, 600 goals and an outstanding captaincy, what more can you say? Don’t try and tell me he’s not there for the Big Matches. Flaky Freo are building percentage and are only a couple of games off the Double chance. They’ve got The Doggies under cover, The Crows over there, Richmond on The G, Brissy back over there before the next Derby. The Handbaggers have got North at The Cattery, The Bloods at Moore Park Road, The Silvertails under cover The Feeling Faints at Kardinia Park before heading up for the Metricon Ride. You do the sums.
The St Seaford Seagulls v The Gold Coast Abletts. The Feeling Faints were never in this one. The Red & Yellow Peril from The North swept down on them like the wolf on the fold. They kicked back in the Second Half but lets be honest, as much as they tried to talk it up on the Great Southern Grandstand call, the contest had about as much interest as watching the fridge light come on every time you dived in for another frothie. The Abletts are back home to take on The Labradoodles at the meaningless time of 15.20. (You’d suspect the marketing masterminds at the Appalling Football League are playing the gate off against the local NRL – Ed) Look Ed, if they were doing that, why not start earlier? We don’t see The Seagulls again till Round XI when they have the Friday night match against The Maggies. .
Remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.