To paraphrase Socrates “By all means, follow a club. If you get a good club, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Socrates of course taught Plato, who taught Aristotle, who taught Parkin, who taught Ratten.
Socrates, Plato and Aristotle all thought you’d fall off the end of the world shortly past the Pillars of Hercules. Ratten knows you fall of the end of the world shortly after the first flight out of the Gold Coast.
“Sometimes they got to get rid of something. That’s the way it goes.” Andrew Dice Clay
Rightly or wrongly, Ratten is gone. Saturday night’s effort (or lack thereof) was the worst Carlton performance I’ve ever seen. I’ll re-type this as it bears repeating:
The worst Carlton performance I’ve ever seen.
Although, it must be said in many ways, Saturday night was simply a microcosm of our entire year – pure dogshit when it truly counts.
This game was lost the minute Ratten announced Carlton as a finals threat. If I’ve learned one thing about Carlton this year is that it takes a week of media scrutiny for the players to give a rusty fuck. The reverse is also true, in that a week of positive press will be followed by insipid dicktitude.
Jesus H. Casboult, if there was ever a group of players who drank their own bathwater1, this is it!
But here is where Ratten’s culpability on Saturday night ended.
The Carlton playing group appears to abide by the wisdom of the comic Louis C. K who said:
“Fuck it. That’s the attitude that keeps families going. Not that ‘I love you’ crap. Fuck it.”
Fifteen minutes into a game that had Carlton’s season and Brett Ratten’s neck on the line, the players simply ran in circles and said “fuck it”2.
Which leaves me and many other supporters, not angrily baring pitchforks, but simply responding to the players unrepentant dickdom with a “fuck it” of our own.
So do what you will Carlton, I no longer care3 my season is done. For as Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living”.
Fuck it.
1. On this, I hope the players were quick to hit the Carrara showers to wash off the stink and shame of such a putrid performance.
2. The exceptions here are Brock McLean and Chris Judd, the latter seemingly mouthing “fuck me!” in the rooms after the match.
3. Another exception: John Barker should be sacked for his unique ability to convert a vibrant forward line to an unworkable mess. On that, if Brett Ratten’s looking for someone to kick him while he’s down, Levi Casboult’s your man.
About Craig Little
My heroes are all dead white males, mostly because that seems really attainable for me.
Litza, I think you’ve gone a bit hard on the boys. I reckon they have had at least 4-5 more insipid performances than that this year. That said, getting beaten by the meter maids is like saying the light beer is actually not a bad drop when every one else know it tastes like piss and give you there shits. A bit like Carlton really.
cheers
TR
Technically, you may be right TR. But, throwing in a few ‘degree of difficulty factors’, such as what was at stake, the quality of the opposition and our proximity to ‘full strength’, then Saturday night takes the biscuit, the cake and the entire f***ing dessert cart!
Socrates would also have said that one person’s misfortune is another person’s happiness. Think of the joy that this result has brought across 17/18ths of the football world! (I should know – Karmichael Hunt produced a similar effect about six weeks ago).
A wonderul result. It is now official: Collingwood have won twice as many Premierships as Carlton over the past 25 seasons.
Litza,
can’t wait for next year’s elbows for that master deflector M.Malthouse. 3-4 years competitive teams, 3-4 years turning over the list and a premiership for the Blues in 2023 to celebrate Mick’s 70th birthday. It will happen, but can you wait that long?
Hey Litza,
If you get Mick as coach can we get Brownie and Richo (Alan) back as assistants to Bucks?
Totally agree – the players are too quick to believe their own press and just expect a win to come along – then they panic when put under the pump. We need to become unsociable like the Hawks or reliable like the Swans or team oriented like the Cats before we can expect to take the next step. Signing Travis Cloke on a big long term deal is not the way forward.
interesting to hear of ratten’s comments. Did he slam the players in his post game letter? He’s had enough. Has he already been told by Kerners? Did GCFC have half a team out?
I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised if Ratten stays on an Paul Roos comes on in a Neil Balme role. Won’t happen, just want to enhance my football pundit status by putting it out there on the remote chance it does.
As, yes Ratten did slam the players in his post-game email. But, he’s a day late and a dollar short.
Litza,
“Nightmare at Metricon” (Rated R) – Directed by Brett Ratten, Produced by Jeanie Pratt, Starring Chris Judd, Eddie Betts, Bryce Gibbs….
The true horror story of 22 men who mysteriously go missing on a “holiday” in a popular tourist location in Queensland.
Not for the feint hearted!
Bakes, I fear the sequel may be worse…’Star Wars prequel’ worse.
Will always love Barks for having a wing named after him and for slotting THAT goal from the dead pocket whilst his head was throbbing with an unbearable migraine to defeat Port at Port in the 2001 semi. BUT …. dud as a coach and that is why we moved him on from the Hawks.
Litza,
You know you just have to climb back on & go again. It is the lot of the supporter.
As a Pie fan, I’ve lost count how many times I’ve had to climb back on……but we’re still here!
Can’t help but thinking the club should have stuck fat with Ratten. Yes, it was a season from hell, but look at Geelong and Bomber Thompson in 2006 (after the promise shown in 2004-05).
I feel for Ratts.