Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert
–Isaiah 43:19
I got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night wooh hoo
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night wooh hoo
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night wooh hoo
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night wooh hoo
–Black-Eyed Peas ‘I Got A Feeling’1
Goodbye to Bile and All That
We were one week away from the draft being the only thing left to barrack for.
There was no rational explanation to why I felt good leading up to Friday night.
But I did.
Perhaps it was because the last couple of months completely drained me of bile and ill will.
I am a shell of my footballing self.
My cynicism has been rendered unserviceable, replaced by unwarranted optimism.
A Preamble on my Pa Pa
“Number 1 Pa Pa” Craig Little 1982
My Pa Pa was an average-size man with a protruding round beer belly and thinning white hair. He looked like an Irish-Catholic Buddha.
My brother and I used to sneak him longnecks of Melbourne Bitter from the laundry while our Gran watched A Country Practice.
Occasionally, he’d push his chair back and nod off until he woke himself with a loud snort. At this point he’d plug in his Phillips and shave at the kitchen table.
This was a time when a Phillips shaver would interfere with the reception of a 20-inch Panasonic television set – usually when Esme Watson was chattering with Cookie or chiding Councillor Muldoon2 – so his shaving was circumscribed to the commercial breaks.
All this took place under the watchful eye of a framed magpie that looked down on (or in the words of my Pa Pa ‘blessed’) the kitchen.
The lingering effect of this memory is that I cannot truly hate Collingwood.
A preamble on Collingwood Supporters
This isn’t to say I do not hate Collingwood supporters, particularly the shit-for-brain jerk-offs sitting behind me.
Smug, self-satisfied shitrags.
From Pussification to Puissance
A week ago, Carlton displayed the heart of a lion. It was just that lion was Snagglepuss.
Actually, it was so bad I considered hiring an expensive escort to kick me hard in the groin so I could experience a different sort of pain.
On Friday night Carlton went in first. They wanted it more and they were tough.
It was pleasing, but also posed the question: Where in the name of David Rhys-Jones has this been!?
Brett Ratten, Genius.
I’ve always been a big supporter of Ratts, despite the quiet3 but consistent disrespect he commands.
His move of Nick Duigan to the forward line was a coaching masterstroke – one that deserves a place in a football coach’s strokebook.
Nick Duigan is so reliable he has become my S&M safe word4.
There is only one thing better than Nick Duigan kicking three goals and that thing is this:
Nick Duigan kicking three goals on former All-Australian loose man in defense, Nick Maxwell.
Magro, Milburn and the Metrosexual
Like Stan Magro and Darren Milburn before him, Sharrod Wellingham will be booed by Carlton fans til the day he departs this vale of tears.
Simpson’s fearlessness inspires the cocksmack behind me to say:
“Carlton are (sic) fucking soft!”
Not all Collingwood fans are obnoxious clods. A lot of them are outright arseholes.
Simpson’s fearlessness inspires me to turn around and reply:
“Soft? He was the only one who kept his eyes on the ball you ignorant dick. Show some fucking respect.”
I am not proud of this. It is not something I usually do. But it had to be said.
Thirty minutes and two Eddie Betts’ goals later, I high-fived a complete stranger in front of me.
For that there is no excuse.
The Idea of Hope
At the start of the year Dips O’Donnell wrote that he’d never heard ”hope’ used so often in the company of Carlton supporters.
At this point, I should say that I find it easier to embrace the idea of hope than to feel actual hope, particularly at 7-7.
But for now I’m fine with momentary joy.
1. That I’m quoting The Black-Eyed Peas would suggest I’m still suffering the effects of the Stillnox I took to calm down from Friday night’s excitement… seriously, I cannot see what all the fuss is about – neither can my pink elephant friend.
2. At this point it is worth mentioning that one of my first TV crushes was rather unremarkable – Kate Raison, who played Cathy Hayden in A Country Practice.
3. Granted, this past week it has not been quiet.
4. Just to clarify, I am not a practitioner of S&M, I just like the idea of a ‘safe word’.
About Craig Little
My heroes are all dead white males, mostly because that seems really attainable for me.
I was there. It was awesome! GO BLUES!!!
can’t believe you find form the week before you play us. Typical.
Hampson going off was a coaching masterstroke. One good big man and a mosquito fleet played to Carlton’s strengths. 21 good smalls is better than 18 with 3 big logs. It meant you had to run and kick to space, rather than bombing it to the logs. I think Monty Python called it the Other Other Plan (wonder what Doug and Dinsdale Piranha are up to these days – running an ALP sub-branch in NSW – or a Liberal one on the Sunshine Coast no doubt).
What a sparkling innovator that coach Ratten is. Imagine coming up with the idea of playing six men in the forward line. What’s next? Playing a tall man in the ruck?
That interference was a very 70s thing. Same when Mum used to have a baking afternoon. The Mix-Master was wicked.
I’m not one to sing the praises of Big John Elliot but I did like his comment, “we may not win the Premiership but we have beaten Collingwood twice this year”.
Just to clarify, “Nick Duigan is so reliable he has become my S&M safe word” made me laugh a lot. A real lot.
Cheers
Nurse Ratched had a week off I guess Litza. Your no1 Papa sounds like a grand bloke. Kate Raison did stand out in ACP. Not that she had much competition.
Told you so Craig.
To past flames
http://footyalmanac.com.au/wp-content/uploads/Kate-Raison.jpg
The Old Testament, Black Eyed Peas, Cuckoos Nest, Carlton and Kate Raison…Only at the Footy Almanac.
My first live Carlton win since 1995….I don’t need an excuse to high-five complete strangers in front of me; twice.
Love the Pa tale Litz. Mine was Pies also. Dad only went for the dons because the teacher he had a crush on at school was a Bombers fan.
I don’t hate the Pies either. I’ve always found them to be an honest opponent. Plus I don’t know many Pies fans which probably helps
Plus, my hatred of the blues doesn’t leave me room for any other ill feeling for others.
I had to turn Friday’s match off at half time. The revival was making my stomach turn. I only write that because I know you’ll be pleased to read it
I do believe we should put a ‘football coach’s strokebook’ in place.
Please define ‘strokebook’???
“Stroke” is a word with myriad possibilities. Kindly fondle; major brain failure; self indulgence; Federer backhand; sweep of the pen…………
I have only one comment…better to lose to a team that you are not going to meet in the Finals than to a potential September opponent. Hopefully the Carlton debacle will force the Pies to lift their game for the matches against Geelong, Hawthorn, St Kilda , Sydney, West Coast and Essendon All of whom are more likely finalists than Carlton.
Thanks all… and yes Andrew, I was pleased to read you turned off at half-time.
Dave see you in week one of the finals when a rampaging Carlton meet a stagnating Collingwood.
Peter B – strokebook = stick mag.
Hope has snuck its ugly head above ground again at Carlton.
Litza, I urge you to crush it now. Before its too late. Its for your own good. Just stomp on it.
I hate to admit it, but nice work Litza.
Though I think I have a better prophecy for the navy blues:
Job 20:7 (NIV)
Nice…
Funny you mention the Book of Job, as Job 7:11 more or less sums up The People’s Elbow modus operandi
Dips, as The Junes, a great Melbourne country band sing, “there’s still hope in hopelessness”.