The People’s Elbow: For Sizzle my Whizzle – The Cool Kidz at AFL House are Bored

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SO THIS HAPPENED last night…

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The cool kidz at AFL House are bored.

How else to explain the need for clubs to choose a song — other than a perfectly good theme song — to run out to?

How else other than the AFL is never one to miss an opportunity to prove that being a dick is the fundamental philosophical underpinning of modern football administrative thought.

If the AFL wants us to be entertained before the teams run out, let us throw rubbish at James Sherry… or car batteries at Pete Lazer.

How did we come to this?

How can we look at the great legacy of our indigenous game and then hand ourselves over to the reign of morons?

The dumbassery of this decision aside, here’s a question for Carlton.

How the fk did you arrive at this shortlist?

The Vines?

The one Australian option you have is a band that was famous-slash-relevant for all of 15 minutes back in 2001 (probably the last time we were any good… up until Koutoufides did his knee)?

And please, explain to me the context in which ‘Get Free’ is relevant1.

Get Free of what exactly?

Expectations of competence? Midfield accountability? The teat of wealthy benefactors?

Or is it just that the song is two minutes of fury that leaves you feeling not a hell of a lot at the end of it — not unlike our performance against Port Adelaide last week.

Speaking of poor performances last week, it would be safe to say Mitch Robinson chose Eminem.

While this may charm the New Era cap set (of which Mitch is one),  there may be more than a few six-year olds who ask their parents for a translation of  “for sizzle my whizzle this is the plot listen up you bizzles forgot slizzle does not give a fuck.”

And then there is Mötley Crüe’s ‘Kickstart My Heart’ — for those who were of a legal drinking age the last time Carlton was relevant — because nothing says football like skydiving naked from an aeroplane or a lady with a body from outerspace.

Fking spare me.

The sad true hell of it though is that despite my get of the lawn churl, the circus has well and truly come to town.

Anyone with any sense hopes this doesn’t happen. Which leaves out the nest of otherwise unemployables working at Demetriou’s Mausoleum.


1. In the context of Michael Malthouse’s game plan, it is more relevant, however, than ‘Highly Evolved’.



About The People's Elbow

I'm just trying to make a difference in people's lives - get off my sack.


  1. Litza – the AFL wants to re-write the end of the Bible too. Rather than a crucifixion they want death by Miley Cyrus.

  2. I seriously thought you had made those three option up for this piece.

  3. I sympathise, litza.

    I will still be singing “We’re From Tigerland” no matter what AD and his crew come up with!

  4. Malcolm Ashwood says:

    Exactly what I thought djiltsa !

  5. Mickey Randall says:

    Suggest “The Revealing Science of God (Dance of the Dawn)” from Tales from Topographic Oceans by Yes. Couldn’t be less relevant.

  6. Mark 'swish' Schwerdt says:

    I thought it was Robert Johnson that sold his Blues soul

  7. Re the modern sports administrator:
    In any responsible organisation, the person/people responsible for the diabolical split round 1 draw would now be in the dog-house with Arthur Sinondinis. Or facing jail with Craig Thomson.

  8. Unconfirmed but I’ve heard crowds were down about 120,000 on last year’s Round 1.

    And Smokie, you should know how the alternate AFL universe works by now. The administrator in question is set to be promoted to Grand Poobah status in a few months.

  9. I too had to check this? Jaaaysus … what a sorry arsed bunch of options (though I did like the crue song in a previous life.)

  10. Andrew Starkie says:

    fans left to think for themselves are dangerous.

  11. Nick Gibson says:

    Not Mickey, by Toni Basil?
    I guess that might be overkill, as it’s probably on high rotation in the weights room.
    And the showers.

  12. This is a worldwide trend, prevalent too in European soccer. To paraphrase Barney Ronay of the Guardian “FFS stop trying to create excitement, I am excited already, I am at the MCG and my team are running out”. These knobjockeys fundamentally distrust the simple attractions of their own “product”.

    IMHO any person who “heads to www etc/hynundaiengineroom and selects the Hyundai Driver’s Seat tab is a big ugly fat-necked wombat-headed big-bellied magpie-legged narrow-hipped splay-footed goose.

    Go Tiges.

  13. daniel flesch says:

    As usual , Litza can make a serious point and make us laugh at the same time .

  14. E.regnans says:

    what was that line about lunatics and running and asylums?

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