The Match Report for the Round 7 (aka the bye)

by Paul Harkin

The weekend started off slowly. No Collingwood game on Friday night, only a boring Port versus Hawthorn. What am I going to do this weekend without the Pies to keep me from being totally nuts

Saturday arrived and my wife informed me she was away all day and so was my one and only child. Okay, what to do with myself. I know put on the radio. Up pops the words, “On blue byeyou”, by the Big O – not Oprah but Roy, the Boy. Great, quickly change stations, then I here “Bye, Bye, Miss American pie”. Another change and then I hear “Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye, Baby Goodbye”. The radio seemed to be playing songs from a byegone era. That did it, no more radio.

I went to the Video shop for some relief. The first 3 movies I see are, “Bye, Bye, Birdie”, something called “Too Late to say Goodbye” and “Goodbye Mr. Chips”. I ran out of there screaming.

I could go for a ride, then I realised I didn’t have a byeke. Even my spelling was getting caught up in this Bye thing. I think I was becoming bye, not that’s there’s anything wrong with that.

Maybe the TV can help. I turn on the tele and who do I see, the U.S. Vice President Joe Byeden going on about The Bin Laden thing. I turned on the shopping channel and they were telling everyone to bye, bye and bye some more. I decided to byepass the tele and try poetry until I saw Lord Byeron’s name on the poetry book.

In desperation I returned to the tele, set the IQ2 to the replayed Grand Final for 2010 and sat back and enjoyed every pulsating minute of our great win. What a great way to pass a quiet 2 hours on your own.

I was determined to be ready for our next bye. I looked up the travel guide to see where the specials were for round 13, our next bye. The best specials were to the Great Australian Byete, Byeaffra and Dubye.  I give up, at least I have the Grand Final Replay to fall back onto if all else fails.

I decided not to award votes for the Byeron Pickett Medal.

Paul Harkin

Byentleigh, Victoria

PS. The report took 20 minutes to write and 30 minutes to complete the spellchecker, which seemed to have a byeas against anything starting with bye.


  1. Danielle says:

    My most played song on my ipod-
    ‘bye bye bye’ – Backstreet boys :)

  2. John Butler says:


    Microsoft have no sense of humour (or byes).

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