Standin’ on the Outside Lookin’ in

Well, it has been an interesting couple of weeks. They have just removed the warning signs from the Manuka precinct alerting passers by to the higher than average level of lobbyists in the area and the café patrons now have faces. There is no greater sport in Canberra than politics and the imminent arrival of Bob Carr should add to the theatre. The Bulldog’s number 1 ticket holder is now firmly entrenched as leader (gee, what must Rudd must be like if Jules can whack him by 40 votes) so your correspondent has been able to refocus on the task at hand.

Obviously the Greedy Bastard Cup continues to capture the imaginations of all footie fans although apparently not the boys from Essendon. Clearly the strategy of moving from Windy Hill to the airport was to assist in alleviating the Don’s appalling record when they fly to play interstate. Things got no better yesterday with Jimmy and Boys (obscure reference for rock buffs) hired a few Cessnas to get to Wangaratta only to wimp out on the landing strip and fly straight back to Melbourne. Apparently the lads where none too happy with the inflight entertainment that included roller coaster rides and projectile vomiting. The Eagles et al may as well put the Bombers down as a bye this year given the unlikely event of the Bombers ever getting back on a plane let alone landing in one.

The big wet has also had some odd effects on myself. With the penotrometer on the eastern sea board now reading the equivalent of an Irish bog, a very strange thing happened. I didn’t have punt on Saturday. Not even the siren’s call of Willy Pike at Ascot could lure me into a TAB. To those who know me, this is like Paris Hilton turning up to the restaurant wearing knockers and kindly asking a photographer not to take her picture. And it may even get crazier today although the dishies could temp me to break what has been the longest absence from the punt in living memory.

Great to see that mining magnates continue to shape, not only the Kimberly, but a sizable chuck of the sporting landscape as well. Who could argue with Clive Palmer’s position that FFA had wronged him and set back the sport a 100 years in the process. We all know that mining has saved the country from being the Southern Hemisphere’s version of a Euro basket case. It only follows that Twiggy, Gina, Nathan and Clive save the country’s sporting teams from other rich despots who are destroying the sport by signicantly improving Soccer’s profile over the past five years. Thanks Clive. By the way, Andrew Demetriou and the NRL send their regards.

What Would Mike Have Written?

Sources inside the Collingwood Football Club feel that the Pies loss to Melbourne may have been a blessing for the team’s 2012 premiership aspirations. Coach Buckley secretly wanted the loss in order to show that players that the AFL lesser teams now see the Pies as the benchmark of the competition. Despite being belted by a bunch of old hacks in last year grand final. Buckley went on to say. ”Being toweled by a mob of peckers like Melbourne will put a fire on their bellies. Bring on the Giants”.

You’ve Been Verballed by Mick

In Mick McGuane’s defence, he is not the only ex-player who continues to assault the English language in ways never thought imaginable to the boffins at Google. The Fox footie commentators clearly demonstrate that. But Mick has the capacity to string words together like no other. Amongst the many gems of late was Mick’s question to a blind tandem cyclist who recently won the world championship. Mick sagely asked if the man could “provide an insight into his blindness”. Mick’s line of questioning was however made a little less perilous when the interviewee offered that his cycling career had provided him with the opportunity to “see many countries throughout Europe”. Hmmmm.

Tip of the week

With the home renos soon coming to a close, I believe it prudent to warn those about to embark on such schemes to ensure that they use competent tradies at all times. Why risk undoing the tremendous work that a dedicated and highly skilled DYIer can accomplish. I was speechless when the glazier reported that the glass panel had been cut to 890ml rather than 980ml as required. Gee can’t the bloke read. My measurements were made with laser like precision. How hard can it be to follow the tradesman’s adage of cut twice, measure once. Any way, I hope he learns a bit from the experience and takes a bit of pride in his artisanship, as I try to at all times. (JB, I’ll be in Melbourne in July if you want me to project manage your bathroom makeover).

Your Team’s Done

Could the following teams please refund all memberships and commence re-building for 2013.

Brisbane
Gold Coast
GWS Gnats
Port Adelaide
Melbourne
Richmond
North Melbourne
Sydney
Collingwood*
North Ballarat-Hobart Wallabies **
Fremantle***

* If Melbourne is on the list, logic suggests that the Pies must be as well.
** You’ve got until round 4 Chris Scott
*** Ross Lyon says he is a pretty basic coach. Another mystery solved by Mr Holmes.

Tony’s Dump

Could someone be so kind as to ask the Melbourne media to please never, ever write another paragraph about Ricky Nixon unless it’s his obituary. Ricky and his fiancé are having some relationship issues. Who would have thought it possible that an ex-player agent with a taste for cocaine and school girls would have any difficulty maintaining a rock solid partnership with a girl 25 years younger than him? Only Sherlock Holmes could have seen that one coming. Or the Herald Sun which now has Mark Robinson as head football writer. Why not give the job to an Aardvark for all the sense he makes. Dermott Brereton’s has also provided further evidence that footballers and the suffragette movement should have joined forces years ago to free women from the shackles of emancipation. Surely Dermie’s penchant for hair products is a sure sign that the guy is in touch with his feminine side.

See ya’ later

About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.

Comments

  1. John Butler says:

    TR, you may be in Melbourne. The trouble is, my bathroom is in Ballarat.

  2. See the Bombers fly up, up with the rain in their face
    watch the Bombers cop out, out what a shocking disgrace
    our boys won’t go out in the rain
    not on the bus and not on the train

    See the Bombers fly up, up
    it’s landing in rain that they fear
    they couldn’t do their best
    just slightly moist but oh dear
    the Bombers just wouldn’t fly up.

  3. John Butler says:

    There is much that seems bizarre about the whole Bomber fiasco.

    Why fly? Extra recovery time? Sounds like a load of self important bollocks from fitness people (or someone) if that was the motivation.

    And why did the AFL allow them to do it? It wasn’t as if the bad weather wasn’t forecast.

  4. Conspiracy theory JB. The first for the season.

    Maybe Essendon are the new Collingwood

  5. JB Perhaps I could do it by Skype.
    Phantom, No Maybe about it. The Bombers are just as f***ing deplorable as the Pies

  6. Stop standing on the fence Tony, make your mind up and commit yourself to your opinion.

  7. Dave Nadel says:

    I love the irony that a team whose symbol is an aeroplane messes things up because they chose to fly on a bad weather day.

  8. Dave
    Any team that has Kevin Sheedy as a coach for 25 yeras has no concept of irony

  9. Phantom
    I’m thinking doing some assertivenes training so I can get more commited with my opinions.

    Are the Walker brothers interested in a mid season trip to Melbourne. Steve and your brother could find a quite place at the pub to discuss the impending rise of the Tigers while those of us with some semblence of reality can talk about actual teams that have a chance.
    cheers
    TR

  10. Phantom says:

    ……..there’s no regrets, no tears good bye, don’t want you back, we’d only cry i again, say good bye again……..

    There is always a posibility Tony but….I am not sure if I have been forgiven for ‘taking the piss’ out of him in the Almanac report from Round 18 last year.

  11. Peter Baulderstone says:

    Gawd, what a week. Clive – National Living Treasure???? I knew you could buy a soccer team, but how much do you have to get your PR mob to sling the National Trust? Why not Big Kev – similar personal qualities? Is Kev out of the slammer yet? Poor bastard – you have to be rich enough like Elliott (John not Herb), Murdoch etc to hire the silks that keep you one step ahead of the plods.
    As for the FlyBoys I wonder if there were any “the plane is going down” love declarations as per ‘Almost Famous’. “I loves youse, Jimmy, but I never got the chance to tell you”. Would it get you a leg up for the seniors in the first round or traded to the Saints as per ALovett???
    After Crio’s tip of the year had us staggering around like Drunken Sailor’s before the second on the weekend, here is PB’s tip of the year.
    Get on the BCarr double – Bob for PM by September and Brad writing the premier’s chortle for the Almanac book this year. NicNat on the front cover. Have to balance the hair deficiency of the 2011 edition.

  12. Phantom says:

    Haven’t you been told Peter.

    They only have GOOD players on the cover of the Almanac.

  13. pamela sherpa says:

    Tony, I can’t believe that the bathroom renovations have even befuddled a tradesman now. What are you going to do to celebrate the finish of it? I hope you don’t have slippery tiles in there.

  14. Tony, if we giving the Dons the sobriquet of Jimmy and The Boys, which player takes on the role of Joylene Hairmouth ? As you would recall Joylene was a key member of the band.

  15. Glen
    Dustin Fletcher has a bit of the Joylene about him.
    Peter, Telling Jimmy you love him puts you straight in the seniors. Mark McVae has been doing it for years
    cheers
    TR

  16. Pamela
    Are you still afloat in the Snowies. Yes This time the tradies buggered up, not me. However nearly done looking a treat with the faux slate tiles
    cheers
    TR

  17. pamela sherpa says:

    Hi Tony. After all the rain we had, amazingly it dried out enough for me to mow the lawn on Sunday arvo.

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