I think new and innovative ideas are always the best way to go, which is why whenever I hear of one I try to imitate it and copy it.
Shane Keith Warne’s Manifesto on improving the current state of Australian cricket has done many things, not least of all allow many old shots of the Muppet Show characters to be superimposed on people’s bodies.
However, I think he may have something. Bear with me.
Warne’s manifesto is summarised pretty much as:
(1) Get rid of all the people I don’t know
(2) Replace them with my mates
(3) Although in the past I thought coaches were useless, now I think we should have lots
(4) I played against a Kiwi bloke who seemed to know what he was doing, so get him too
(5) Leave everything alone, (except the things I think we should change)
Oh, and PS: I’ll try to glance at the screen every now and then from the poker table or swanning with Liz to see how these things are going.
Having said that though, the arrival on our doorstep of a lovely 8 month long election campaign has led me to want to combine the best aspects of SKW’s ideas and the desire to change this great nation by launching my own Political Manifesto (catchy title don’t you think? Nothing could go wrong with that)
Just like lazy interview or exam questions can be along the lines of “If you were Prime Minister, what would you do”, SKW has invited us to think what life would be like in a particular field if we just simply changed everything to suit ourselves.
Looking around my group of mates, I think there are fine people who could do a better job than those in power, so here are my suggestions:
- Dave is good with money, selling his share portfolio 6 months before the GFC, and as he’s now gone part time, doing consulting whilst returning to Uni, clearly has the time to be Treasurer.
- Peter has a building company, seems to be doing pretty well by the looks of the new holiday house, so there’s Infrastructure covered.
- Jimmy is a bookie, so natch, Youth, Sport and Rec is his.
- Deanos is something in IT, (could be help desk, could be ASIO, bit of a mystery there our Dean), but irregardless, Communications is the place for him.
- Pat’s a barrister. Whilst he’s always been a bit ‘Left’ for my liking, we need a charitable soul as Attorney General, especially dealing with asylum issues, and he’s got a good heart.
- Julesa is a teacher, is good to everyone and loves his cricket, so Education is his bag.
- AJ could tell you he could do anything, but as a doctor (Assistant Prof of Cardiology, yes, sorry AJ), Health it is.
- Nickos is a bit of a mystery man, but as he seems to do some sort of Mergers and Acquisitions work, I think Foreign Affairs and Trade suit him (and he’s dodgy as too, so there’s another feather in his cap)
- My brother in law, Andrew, ran his own dry cleaner for years, top fella too, so the Small Business portfolio has a leader there.
- Lofty lives in Hong Kong and seems to work with international mining companies. He travels a lot, is heaps clever, networked to the hilt and great with the hospitality, so Mining seems reasonable.
- Mike is also overseas in Shanghai, works as a lawyer and has a part share in a girly bar in Hong Kong. I’m thinking Ambassador or Trade envoy, our man in the Far East.
- Case is on gardening leave, but does stuff with money and was a lawyer, as well as being a genuinely nice bloke. Whilst it’s clear I’m the smartest bloke in the room, I can’t squeeze being PM into my schedule, as that garden’s not going to fix itself and there’s still boxes to unpack from the recent house move, so I think Case’s the man to run the joint.
A couple of Almanackers are welcome to roles in my new ga’ment. Litza shows the characteristics of a fine Press Secretary and T Bone, you’ve got Arts covered for mine.
Following the fine management principle that it’s better having them inside the tent p*ssing out rather than outside the tent p*ssing in, Mark Doyle is invited to be Ambassador to the UK.
I also nominate JT Harms for Gov. General, and Cookie and Smokey as Ministers without Portfolio, because it would be great to have them around.
There you have it. If Shane Keith can take pot shots, Statler and Waldorf style from the cheap seats, rattling off a Manifesto in a couple of days, can’t be that hard to change a country, can it?
Pretty much, pop in your mates, no responsibility, and off we go.
Under my plan, I give us 3 months before we make Greece look flush with funds.
But trust me Australia, it will be the best three months you’ve ever had!
Written and Spoken by Sean Curtain for the SKW Muppet Party of Australia