Your golf and cycling reports are all very well. As the highly paid UK stringer for the Daily Beast where is your report on the royal offspring from the steps of St Mary’s Hospital???
We want a name – I guess Wayne and The King are pretty much synonymous for you. Crio wants weights – anything less than 2kg over WFA and he reckons the colt’s a Timeform certainty on breeding.
Charles, the heir to the Throne, was born in 1948 during the Invincibles Tour. Now his grandson is born during the tour of our Extremely Vincibles. Does this mean an Ashes whitewash?
If Keith Miller was having it off with Princess Margaret in 1948, is our Shane en flagrante delicado with Pippa Middleton? Watson or Warne? Does this explain his batting slump? Should we refer his third leg to the third umpire? We need Hot Spot pictures from our Hawk Eye on the spot in London.
Will Patto be having his back surgery at the same hospital as the royal offspring?
The Queen’s horse won the Ascot Gold Cup in June. The first Gold Cup in 1807 precipitated the Napoleonic Wars. Her uncle the 1st Baron Milford won it in 1939 and we got WW2. What does this year’s win mean for world peace and Flemington in November???
As our man on the spot what does all this mean? We want answers from our UK stringer.
If you want your expenses reimbursed you will have to do better than scribbles on the back of soggy beer coasters.
Please file by COB today, or your return visa will be cancelled and you will be sent to Manus Island with all the other refugees who can’t bowl leg spin.