This year the Carlton Football Club did everything it could to break my heart into tiny bits forever. I swear to Christ, if season 2012 hadn’t have happened, Pol Pot would’ve invented it.
After many salty tears and a spate of wailing that would drown a drunken wake in County Cork, there were real fears that there would be no People’s Elbow for 2013.
And then came the noted football coach, philosopher and historian, Michael Malthouse.
While he has not officially started at Royal Parade, I cannot pick up a paper without having to deconstruct a handful of his statements regarding Carlton’s inactivity in the draft.
Here goes:
Our salary cap is topped up.
We were never in the hunt for Travis Cloke, but were happy to hit his salary with a 100-pound bullshit sledge to ensure Collingwood paid massive overs1 and give them no room to move when my mate Daisy Thomas explores free agency next year.
The player list is contracted so there wasn’t a lot of manoeuvrability.
Jesus H Christ in a top hat and tap shoes, who was the millionaire in charge of handing out contracts last year?! Joseph, Ellard, Davies?! Bartender, a double Scotch and see what the sad old bastards in the football department will have.
We spoke from the word go we probably wouldn’t be doing much trading and it has turned out we’ve done none.
I don’t actually start at the club until next week. Don’t hang this shit on me.
Is Gary Ablett out there? No, it is more mix and match – too many ruckmen, not enough flanks or vice versa so you swap over.
Holy power saw of Jesus, did you see some of the names that were being cut or swapped? Petterd, Pederson, Spangher. Who the hell is Matt Spangher? Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hawthorn had to hire someone to cut the football manager’s porridge into tiny chunks every morning so as he doesn’t choke.
We can’t get him (Tippett). If he’s in the draft he’s not going to get through to Carlton and if he did our salary cap is restrictive.
Whoever suggested we’d look at Tippet is guilty of a worse piece of punditry than anything Damien Barrett has made up this trade period. Read your history, Carlton isn’t going anywhere near a player tainted with brown paper bags filled with $200 large. The club has tried that already. It didn’t turn out so good.
I don’t like it (free agency) at all. It helps the top clubs and doesn’t do any favours at all for the bottom clubs.
Seriously, how ***ing stupid are you media hacks? I just hit you with a barefaced non-fact and you don’t even question me on it? I’m at Carlton now. When have we ever given a rusty **** about the other clubs?
About Craig Little
My heroes are all dead white males, mostly because that seems really attainable for me.
No People’s Elbow in ’13?
Say it ain’t so Joe.
Glad the return of Mick has revived your spit and venom Litza. Good to have you and the Elbow back already, after the compulsory players and author’s break under our collective agreement.
Bring on Round 1 vs my Tigers
Sean