“Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.”
- Han Solo
So, not only did I not have one colect – not one – a horse trained by a Waterhouse won the cup… and a horse ridden by a jockey who arguably would’ve been watching the race at home if it weren’t for a racing judiciary in search of a spine.
If you want a fairytale, download Mary Poppins.
Anyway, to quote Dick Van Dyke: “The secret to keeping moving is keeping moving”.
Which brings us to…
Race 6. Crown Oaks (2500m)
2. Arabian Gold ($10 each-way)
We’re tipping the horse trained by D. Van Dyke – well, okay D. Vandyke – in the feature. Keeping moving…
Race 3. Gucci Icons of Heritage Stakes (1200m)
4. Romancing The Stone ($20 the win)
“Goddamn it, I knew I should’ve listened to my mother. I could’ve been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.”
- Jack Colton
I should’ve listened to my mother and backed Gai’s horse. I wouldn’t have made 500 large (or been up to my neck in tits and ass), but it’s gotta beat backing something whose name was called twice throughout the entire two miles.
Do we still make action-adventure romantic comedies? Apparently not. Well, not if you can remake them.
There was a time not so long ago when a remake of Romancing the Stone was being seriously considered. Even worse, FOX (the studio behind the idea) was only openly considering Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler for the leads. While my knowledge of chemistry begins and ends with five seasons of Breaking Bad, to me that pairing results in no, and possibly negative, chemistry.
That’s right, Katherine ’50 Shades of Beige’ Heigl.
There’s only one person I want to see swinging through the jungle on a vine this year and that’s Katy Perry…
Race 5. Subzero Challenge (1400m)
1. Black Cash ($5 each-way), 10. Dance For Cash ($5 each-way), 15. Smoken Cash ($5 each-way), Box Quinella – 1,5,10,15 ($5 for 83.33%), Box Trifecta – 1,5,10,15 ($5 for 20.83%)
“Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.”
- Johnny Cash
You know what word other than freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose? Kristofferson. Fking useless on Tuesday!
Johnny Cash, however, gives me not one, not two, but three chances in this race.
Warrnambool, Race 3. Maiden Plate (1000m)
8. Kentucky Treasure ($10 each way)
They’re also racing in my home town of Warrnambool on Thursday, so I thought I’d look for a horse with some local flavour – and if you’re talking Warrnambool and flavour, then the discussion begins and ends with Kermond’s Hamburgers.
You can have your Danny’s, your Huxtaburger’s and wherever it is that people south of the river lose their hamburger shit over, nothing – let me type that slowly – N-O-T-H-I-N-G – beats a Kermond’s hamburger.
So, you ask, why Kentucky Treasure? I thought this was a hamburger joint, not a chicken shop?
True. But Kentucky Treasure is trained by Richard Kermond, so that’s where my money is going – on the horse and back to Kermond’s on a couple of chilli burgers with bacon and cheese if the horse gets up.
Carnival to date: -$134.50 ($600 outlay for a $465.50 return)