Pop! Goes the Punt: Managatang Cup Day (aka Caulfield Guineas Day) – On a Winner with Sandra Bullock’s Yoga Shorts or Losing Your Shirt Entirely

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The Managatang Cup

5. Highway Princess ($10 each way)

My most enduring racing memory is waking up in an empty marquee, next to an half-full champagne bottle, in the brown dirt under a plastic table. I had a parched, scratchy mouth that tasted of pepper. The night before I had followed a beautiful Mildura girl to a chockablock Manangatang Hotel, just off the Mallee Highway, where a fight had spilled onto the street. Within a few minutes, the raw, untested local cop came across the scene. Unaccustomed to such a sight in a town whose population was only a few hundred, he was perchance a little trigger-happy on the pepper spray. To his credit it was effective, but I never saw the beautiful girl from Mildura again… actually, I didn’t see much of anything for ten minutes after Sgt. Pepper’s intervention.

Good times.

Anyway, here are the rest of this week’s tips for Caulfield, brought to you by girls who don’t wear very much.

Race 2 – Thoroughbred Club Stakes (1200m)

8. Cosmic Endeavour ($20 the win)

Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón’s mind-blowing new movie about two astronauts trapped in space, is a near-perfect movie-going experience. Oddly enough, The New York Times described the film as “somewhat cold”. They clearly missed the scene where Sandra Bullock floats through space in her yoga shorts.

Race 4 – Schweppe’s Schillaci Stakes (1000m)

1. Broken  ($20 the win)

Sinead O’Connor writes an open letter to Miley Cyrus, saying “You have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you”.

Miley responds by suggesting Sinead seek psychiatric care.

Sinead responds… well, Sinead has just penned her fourth open letter.

Say what you like about Sinead (or not, if you read the aforementioned fourth open letter), but she has a point.

All that tongue-thrusting, twerk-my-bitch-up carry on (and licking a sledge hammer – what’s that about?), I can’t reach any other conclusion than we may be watching an MTV-train-wreck.

Race 5 – Sportingbet Series Final (1200m)

11. Flash of Doubt ($10 each way)

Twice I’ve broken up with a girl over the phone. In and of itself, that is nothing remarkable. That both phone calls occurred while I was on course at the Australian Masters, is somewhat noteworthy. As I result, viewing golf has something of a Vietnam-no-more-Valentine’s-Days-Johnny feel to it, so I do my best to avoid it.

That said, hats off to the President’s Cup streaker, Kimberley Webster, who explained her final day streak as wanting to “add a little excitement to golf because everyone seemed kind of depressed…”

Why weren’t you at Huntingdale in 2006!!??

Race 10 – Beck Caulfield Guineas (1600m)

2. Charlie Boy ($10 each way)

This Charming Charlie is a website (or, a Tumblr for the cool kidz who are reading) that is at once hilarious and depressing. Such a description will make perfect sense when I tell you it pairs Peanuts comics with lyrics from The Smiths.

Earlier this week it appeared as if the site might have attempted to kick its last proverbial football, after Morissey’s studio tried to shut it down. However, it was rescued by the most unlikely of saviours, the cantankerous Morissey himself, who declared that he is “delighted and flattered” by the blog and “hopes that the strips remain.”

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The Carnival to date: -$18

Last week: A $100 outlay:  One winner for an $82 return.

About The People's Elbow

I'm just trying to make a difference in people's lives - get off my sack.

Comments

  1. This Charming Charlie…absolutely brilliant.
    See what can happen when the internet is used for good rather than evil?

  2. Matching tips with what’s zeitgeisty .. what a brilliant system

    I’m hoping there’s a horse out there you can put a pic of Clive Palmer too … say a nag called ‘Fat b@#*^d Megalomaniac’ … (but that’s a bit wordy for a caller, aint it?)

  3. Kenny B

    There’s a pub in (I think) Fitzroy that serves a Clive Parma, which is 5 Parmas on top of each other, free if you can finish it. Many have tried, few have succeeded.

    We laughed at the Yanks who elected Jesse “The Body” Ventura as Governor, then Arnie. Well, it’s Karma (Kramer)

    Agree, that Charlie site is gold

    Sean

  4. Phil Dimitriadis says:

    Charming Charlie is a ripper Litza. I’m glad that Morrissey can see the humour.

  5. 5 parmas … stacked … that’s like drawing excalibur.

  6. The Almanac has finally jumped the shark with Litza’s racing tips. It’s like soft porn magazines now. I only look at the pictures, but I tell the Avenging Eagle that I read it for the incisive articles and commentary.
    Fat chance. I don’t understand a word of this. I just know that I love it. Sort of like crystal meth for the middle aged recluse.

  7. PB, that’s what people used to say about the old Truth newspaper in Melbourne. Full of scandal and topless photos, but you said you only bought it for the form guide, which was actually comprehensive and excellent.

    Now if Litza had a Heartbalm column….

  8. Sean – I was such a punt drunk back in the 70′s and 80′s that I must have been one of the few Truth subscribers who only bought it for the form guide and race tips.
    Now you tell me there were tits and dirty stories on page 3!!!
    Dammit – I threw out my truckload of archives 20 years ago.

  9. The Truth’s philosophy was you’d browse the front, make money from the centre, spend from the ads at the back. Simple (truth).

  10. I miss the Truth! Ron Taylor’s incisive comments, the best form guide ever, Sam Fox/ Linda Lusardi on page 3, Heartbalm and Dyer’ere!
    Those were the days my friends….

  11. Paul Daffey says:

    Sean,

    The Birmingham Hotel in Smith Street (Fitzroy side) serves up the Clive Parma.

    Brilliant name. I thought The Age should have done a colour story.

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