The Managatang Cup
5. Highway Princess ($10 each way)
My most enduring racing memory is waking up in an empty marquee, next to an half-full champagne bottle, in the brown dirt under a plastic table. I had a parched, scratchy mouth that tasted of pepper. The night before I had followed a beautiful Mildura girl to a chockablock Manangatang Hotel, just off the Mallee Highway, where a fight had spilled onto the street. Within a few minutes, the raw, untested local cop came across the scene. Unaccustomed to such a sight in a town whose population was only a few hundred, he was perchance a little trigger-happy on the pepper spray. To his credit it was effective, but I never saw the beautiful girl from Mildura again… actually, I didn’t see much of anything for ten minutes after Sgt. Pepper’s intervention.
Anyway, here are the rest of this week’s tips for Caulfield, brought to you by girls who don’t wear very much.
Race 2 – Thoroughbred Club Stakes (1200m)
8. Cosmic Endeavour ($20 the win)
Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón’s mind-blowing new movie about two astronauts trapped in space, is a near-perfect movie-going experience. Oddly enough, The New York Times described the film as “somewhat cold”. They clearly missed the scene where Sandra Bullock floats through space in her yoga shorts.
Race 4 – Schweppe’s Schillaci Stakes (1000m)
1. Broken ($20 the win)
Sinead O’Connor writes an open letter to Miley Cyrus, saying “You have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you”.
Miley responds by suggesting Sinead seek psychiatric care.
Sinead responds… well, Sinead has just penned her fourth open letter.
Say what you like about Sinead (or not, if you read the aforementioned fourth open letter), but she has a point.
All that tongue-thrusting, twerk-my-bitch-up carry on (and licking a sledge hammer – what’s that about?), I can’t reach any other conclusion than we may be watching an MTV-train-wreck.
Race 5 – Sportingbet Series Final (1200m)
11. Flash of Doubt ($10 each way)
Twice I’ve broken up with a girl over the phone. In and of itself, that is nothing remarkable. That both phone calls occurred while I was on course at the Australian Masters, is somewhat noteworthy. As I result, viewing golf has something of a Vietnam-no-more-Valentine’s-Days-Johnny feel to it, so I do my best to avoid it.
That said, hats off to the President’s Cup streaker, Kimberley Webster, who explained her final day streak as wanting to “add a little excitement to golf because everyone seemed kind of depressed…”
Why weren’t you at Huntingdale in 2006!!??
Race 10 – Beck Caulfield Guineas (1600m)
2. Charlie Boy ($10 each way)
This Charming Charlie is a website (or, a Tumblr for the cool kidz who are reading) that is at once hilarious and depressing. Such a description will make perfect sense when I tell you it pairs Peanuts comics with lyrics from The Smiths.
Earlier this week it appeared as if the site might have attempted to kick its last proverbial football, after Morissey’s studio tried to shut it down. However, it was rescued by the most unlikely of saviours, the cantankerous Morissey himself, who declared that he is “delighted and flattered” by the blog and “hopes that the strips remain.”
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The Carnival to date: -$18
Last week: A $100 outlay: One winner for an $82 return.