Pop! Goes the Punt: Cup Day – I don’t think you ready for this jelly, I don’t think you ready for this jelly

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Welcome to the only racing column in Australia that made money on the Mackinnon on the back of a Kim Kardashian butt-selfie.

In the words of her fiancé:

I don’t know what’s better,

Gettin’ laid or gettin’ paid

Let’s get busy…

Race 1. 7News Stakes (1000m)

7. Kristofferson ($20 the win)

And she said you know in this half light you look a little bit like Kris Kristofferson – Stephen Cummings, “You Jane”1

Kris Kristofferson is the man.

He didn’t get his start covering vapid MOR standards on nationally televised talent shows, he swept floors at Columbia Studios in Nashville while Dylan was recording Blonde on Blonde.

He wrote “Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down”2 and continues to craft some of the best music of his career – listen to “Starlight and Stone” from his excellent 2009 album Closer to the Bone.

He has been in countless films, including starring alongside Ali McGraw in Convoy.

And he proffers words to live by. Take this from Esquire in 1999:

The number-one rule of the road is never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. You will break this rule, and you will be sorry.

Race 4. Carnival Handicap (2800m)

15. Rowland ($10 each-way)

Is my vibe too vibealacious for you, babe?

It’s a few days late, but here’s my Beyoncé tip, albeit through the agency of the pre-solo Destiny’s Child, featuring Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams.

In case you missed it – and given its brevity, there’s every chance you did – Destiny’s Child reunited for the 2013 Superbowl.

The trio worked through “Bootylicious” and “Independent Woman” before singing Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” with her. And that was it.

In fact both Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams seemed little more than Beyoncé back-up singers during a performance as skimpy as Rowland’s leathers (pictured left for those of you playing at home). There were even allegations that Beyoncé’s microphone was louder than her band mates.

Never mind, Kelly Rowland, Tuesday is your turn to shine.

Race 7. Melbourne Cup (2 miles)

14. Masked Marvel ($10 each-way)

It’s nearly summer, and you’d like to go to the movies. If you don’t live near an art house theatre, good luck finding anything that’s not a sequel or that features a superhero… or in the case of the new Thor film, both.

From the opening frame of Thor: The Dark World, there is no doubt about what it is the producers are banking on. One word fills the screen: MARVEL.

While Thor may not be masked, plenty of his movie mates are: Iron Man (1, 2 and 3); and Captain America, both of who feature alongside Thor in The Avengers.

So why the reliance on superheroes and sequels?

Blame China.

Since the ’80s, international revenue has gone from 20 percent to 70 percent of a studio’s income. The only movies that Hollywood can be sure will sell internationally are those based on a character or property people already know.

All that aside, none of this accounts for why The Cup was such a terrible film…

Race 8. Visit Victoria Plate (1800m)

2. Pelicano ($10 each-way)

On masked marvels, there is no worse mascot in sports than Captain Carlton. Although…

This year New Orleans’ NBA team, having lived with a nickname linked to Charlotte (the Hornets), adopted an awesome new nickname more evocative of the region’s rich history, and with it a new mascot.

Introducing Pierre the Pelican.

Phyllis Diller Eyes? Check.
Genital-shaped nose? Check.
Weird gloves? Check.
Nightmare-fuel? Check.

And suddenly ‘Captain Carlton’ is no longer the worst mascot in all of sport. No, wait a minute… yes he is.

Race 9. MSS Security Sprint (1200m)

13 Avoid Lightning ($10 each-way)

Now Caddyshack, that was a good film.

Richard Richards: Better come in till this blows over. 
Bishop: What do you think, fella? 
Carl Spackler: I’d keep playing. I don’t think the heavy stuff’s gonna come down for quite awhile. 
Bishop: You’re right. Anyway, the Good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life. 


Bishop: [as he misses a putt on the 18th hole during the thunderstorm] OH, RAT FART! 

[he holds up his club and is hit by lightning… Carl drops the golf bag and leaves him there] 

* * *

Saturday: $160 collect on Side Glance

Carnival to date: -$34.50 ($500 outlay for a $465.50 collect)


1. I’m just gonna come right out and say that Stephen Cumming’s Lovetown is the most overlooked album in the history of Australian music.

2. Later recorded by Johnny Cash, using the more formal title ‘Sunday Morning Coming Down’.

About The People's Elbow

I'm just trying to make a difference in people's lives - get off my sack.


  1. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says:

    Re footnote 1.

    Can’t wait for this to be released


  2. Luke Reynolds says:

    Litza, spot on about Lovetown. Cummings’ last 3 albums have been superb, he just gets better with age. His website is lovetown.net, that required an explanation when the wife saw that address on our internet browser history…

  3. Rowland is a certainty Litza. Kevin Rowland and Dexy’s Midnight Runners are one of my favourite all time bands. ‘Geno’; ‘The Celtic Soul Brothers’; ‘Let’s Make This Prescious’ and the albeit flogged to death ‘Eileen’.
    Loved their use of brass to flesh out ‘Northern Soul’.
    Kevin did go through a bit of a funny period a while ago. Kept wearing his sister Kelly’s gear. I can see the family resemblance:

  4. Thanks, PB – a missed opportunity there.

    Nice to see someone whose appreciation of Dexy’s Midnight Runners runs deeper than “C’mon Eileen”. As you suggest, they were masters of Northern Soul.

  5. Luke… love the lovetown.net reference. And thanks for th elink ‘Swish’ – also cannot wait.

  6. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says:

    Give the last ‘Dexy’s’ (for that is their name) release a listen if you haven’t already.

    But I can’t find a copy of “Don’t Stand Me Down” anywhere.

    And don’t forget offshoot “The Bureau” (inc Mick Talbot pre- Style Council) if you can find it anywhere these days.

    Not sure what to think about my Stephen Cummings brush with fame in the changerooms of the Carnegie Pool a few years back.

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