“So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth”–(Rev. 3:15-16)
It is not entirely inappropriate that the Book of Revelations that best sums up Carlton’s performance on Friday night. Insofar as the humpbacked wretch of the 2012 season goes, it is very much end of days.
This is something I’ve more or less predicted on this site over the past two months, but on watching the game against Hawthorn I couldn’t even work myself up into a rage-gasm.
This isn’t to say I didn’t feel let down. I did.
This is because Friday night was the first time I’ve been to a Carlton game with my brother since, well, the last time the Blues were seven different kinds of awful1.
To paraphrase Dickens it was the best of times and it also sucked a bag of dicks.
Honestly, I didn’t expect a great deal more than what I got, but mother of God, there is something fundamentally wrong with the Club.
So, let’s cut the shit, Carlton.
I could go line-by-line, here, but for for the sake of time, I will limit it to…
What in the name of Baal is going on with our forward line?
We are playing three ruckman2 and our leading marking target inside 50 is Eddie Betts.
In case you missed it, I’m going to type it again, this time more slowly.
We are playing three ruckman and our leading marking target inside 50 is Eddie Betts.
I’ve seen more than enough of John Barker’s work this year to convince me beyond any doubt that as a forward line coach, his stocks are on the lower side of worthless.
Why was everyone occupying Wall Street when Carlton’s forward line coach is on more than minimum wage?
Occupy Royal Parade!
Barker should do the honourable thing and find another job.
A random observation that has some relevance to all of this.
AFL players at media conferences are like Larry Emdur but without the depth, gravitas or clout. They simply stand their spot, pitch their lines and get the hell outta there.
Bryce Gibbs’s media conference this morning a case in point.
“We’ve played some OK footy3, but haven’t got a win. We need a win just to build a bit of confidence.”
“I have no doubt Brett will be here next year. He’s been fantastic. We’re working hard to turn it all around4.”
“Nah, my year hasn’t been as good as I would have liked. Hopefully I can get into the middle in the second half of the year.”
Luke-fucking-warm!
1. It should be noted here that two of our Essendon-supporting friends came along, simply to hear us spit invective at a predictably poor Carlton performance.
2.That should read three ineffectual ruckmen
3. If you could give me some examples from Friday night, that’d be great. And don’t mention anything from the last quarter – Hawthorn were just pissing on the corpse then.
4. Once again, if you could illustrate this with a Friday night example, it’d be most appreciated.
About Craig Little
My heroes are all dead white males, mostly because that seems really attainable for me.
Litza
Was looking forward to your piece since about quarter time Friday.
Bootsma: hope you guys didn’t order too many wigs. The kid needs to go away and seriously bulk up. Not only looked like Napoleon Dynamite, was as effective as him too.
I think my Tigers and your Blues will duke it out for 9th and 10th, Saints permitting.
Dickens. Funny line, made me smile.
Sean
Thanks Sean
Shocking player management by Carlton to bring Bootsma in against one of the biggest physical attacks in the league.
I’d hate to be the team responsible for keeping Richmond out of 9th spot…
I’d be the first in line to buy a compilation of all Carlton related rants from 2012. I would send a copy to each to the following people
- The bloke at work who was talking ‘three peat’ after round 3 this year
- Each person who told me over summer that Ed Curnow was going to be the league’s most improved player
- The bloke who only last week (last week!) told me that P Ryder wouldn’t get a game at Carlton
- Each of the three Blues fans that told me they’d upgraded to the ‘Captain’s Club’ membership this year, so they would have guaranteed GF tickets
- The bloke who gave me 8 goals in before the Bombers v Blues game in round 4
- To each and every one that said if Walker had’ve been paid a free at Subi last year, the Blues would’ve won the flag
- the bloke (a woman wouldn’t be so stupid) who came up with ‘they know we’re coming’ and ‘they smell what we’re cookin”
You’d expect B Gibbs to be a polished media performer. He was in the leadership group before he had debuted after all.
Can’t wait for next week’s elbow
Andrew, I think I may know those people also (I myself would’ve given you six goals in, although not eight).
Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr Bigfootnoter himself railing and ranting about the not so deep blue C. If you had opened your other eye you would have seen that the game wasn’t lost by the ineptitude of your mob I’m afraid, it was won by the eptitude of our mob. Now, all we have to do is win like that against teams that matter and I’ll be rocking on to the sights and sounds of Splendour in the G in September.
Actually, I feel for Carrrrltin (as much as you can actually feel for them). They are having the kinda year the Hawks had in 2009. Injuries hit us bad and we couldn’t get the right mix on the pitch and we stuffed up. Live and learn as they say old chap.
Cheers