“Where they’re coming from, their football is a bit of a joke.”
–Geoff Cross, East Warrnambool coach, 1995
“Even in the mud and scum of things, something always, always sings.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
AS YOU DRIVE into Warrnambool from Melbourne, to your left you’ll pass Premier Speedway1, the turnoff to Allansford Cheese World (which is not nearly as fun as it sounds – there are no rides, just cheese) and The Pond – home to the Deakin University2 Sharks.
The Pond is on the right as you turn into Aitken Drive and the University grounds, which includes a number of lecture theatres and one of Warrnambool’s two nine-hole golf courses3.
Unlike those who have called the ground home, the Pond itself is inconspicuous as football grounds go, apart from its second-rate drainage and first-grade mud. I didn’t realise that mud had a smell before I first walked into a Shark rooms plagued with dried clods of it, the size of a midget’s fist. It is how I’d imagine a rotary dairy in Panmure would smell.
A former teammate, Chris ‘Bear Large’ Sullivan believes there is a number of football boots, mouthguards, a Holden Commodore and the Mahogany Ship4 buried in mud on the outer wing – along with a fair bit of pride.
In the mid 1990s the rooms were made of dank-country-football-cement, Boral plasterboard and a roller-door that on match days separated the home team from the visitors. There were no lockers, no honour boards and no team photos. Everything had a slightly off-kilter undergraduate look, where it’s all familiar looking but at the same time off. Not unpleasant, but different.
On Thursday nights there were usually two or three dogs5.
Once in the depths of winter, The Pond was unfit even for a team of misfits to train. As the Sharks were one of the less wealthy clubs6 in the Warrnambool and District Football League (WDFL7), we were unable to afford an alternate training venue indoors. As a result, Thursday night training was rescheduled to the Kmart car park. It was cancelled due to late-night shopping.
Dr John Sherwood in front of the rooms named in his honour
The rooms provide the ground with its only shelter, and little of it. When the wind and rain lash across the Hopkins River, The Pond tolerates the brunt of it. As it did on a less-than-memorable day when the ground was buffeted by hail, Shark Captain-Coach and member of the club band, the Gutted Rabbits, Ken ‘Boo’ Radley got the runner to bring him a cup of tea when the Sharks were kicking against a gale in the second quarter. His opponent refused a drink, as he was ready for the ball to come into the Sharks forward line. It didn’t. Last quarter, same conditions, and Boo’s opponent, having learnt his lesson, asked his runner for a coffee. He was dragged for being a ‘soft cock’ and Boo kicked two against the tide to reduce the margin to 100 points. Nothing brought out the best in the Sharks like a twenty-goal three-quarter-time deficit8.
My last game at The Pond was Round 18, 1996. The Sharks were 0-17, and as it was our last chance to ‘shuffle’9 the game was treated as a Grand Final. We hired a helicopter for some pre-match entertainment. The helicopter was to take Shark Reserves player Mark Gercovich (whose skin was so white it appeared in Michael Jackson’s dreams) to a height where he could parachute onto the ground. For $5, punters could guess just how far he’d land from the centre circle. Already in the helicopter was an identically dressed mannequin with a backpack. When the helicopter reached the requisite height, the mannequin was pushed out, free-falling all the way to a THHWAAACK!! in the centre square mud. Not everyone was in on the ruse.
We had some explaining to do.
“Where we were coming from, it was a bit of a joke.”
Footnotes
1. The Premier Speedway is a local institution. There is no one who grew up in Warrnambool in the 80s who is not familiar with sprintcar driver Max Dumsney.
2. Up until the early 1990s the University was less grandly known as the Warrnambool Institute of Advanced Education. It celebrated its makeover to a ‘University’ with a live (and not inexpensive) satellite link to the mother campus in Geelong. The Geelong campus was a portrait of austerity, well represented by leading faculty and students who didn’t skip Business Law 101 lectures to watch the final season of Knots Landing. In contrast, Warrnambool campus life was conveyed through browneyes, nudie-runs and simulated masturbation.
3. The other is situated on the grounds of the Brierly Mental Hospital (those who follow the May Racing Carnival in Warrnambool may recognise the name ‘the Brierly paddock’, where the horses leave the course proper during the Grand Annual Steeplechase). More than once at Brierly I ripped a drive smack down the middle of the sixth fairway, only to have it grabbed by a nomadic, low-security patient. The hospital no longer exists, nor do my smack-down-the-middle-of-the-fairway drives… for that matter, the golf course may also no longer exist.
4. The Mahogany Ship is a supposed shipwreck, possibly a Portuguese caravel, purported by some to lie beneath the sand two to four miles west of Warrnambool. If the ship were buried on the outer wing at the Pond, Dr John Sherwood, Honorary Associate Professor, part-time goal umpire and Mahogany Ship enthusiast would’ve discovered it. This footnote, deserves its own footnote. John Sherwood is a legend of the Sharks. So much so, he has the rare honour of having a pavilion named after him. Since arriving in Warrnambool in 1979, he has held every position at the club.
5. One of these dogs was ‘Frank’ who’d also join us on a lap of The Pond to close Thursday night training. When we reached the far wing, anyone with a Sherrin in their hands would aim a kick at Frank’s arse. The dog had an innate ability to swivel at the very last moment, and was not hit once during the 1996 season.
6. The Sharks were once barely able to manage the funds to place a ‘For Sale’ in the Warrnambool Standard classifieds for its unused salary cap.
7. The competition is now the WDFNL – Warrnambool District Football & Netball League. In country footy, the netball club is intrinsically linked to the football club. Case in point, between rounds 1-11 and 15-18 in 1996, I dated the captain of the B-Grade netball team (I was a late withdrawal in Round 12 due to the break-up) – that, however, is a story the size of a Russian novel.
8. This may have been the same game where the Sharks offered to forfeit and share a barrel in the rooms with the opposition. They turned it down in preference to a percentage boost.
9. The Shark Shuffle was a club ritual following a (rare) win, where you dive to the ground, cock one hand behind the head and the other behind the back and wriggle.
About Craig Little
My heroes are all dead white males, mostly because that seems really attainable for me.
Wonderful article Litza. Made me all nostalgic for my days at WIAE in the 80s. I remember John Sherwood, apart from his role as a Sharks stalwart, as one of only two WIAE academics with a genuine international reputation (the other was his Science colleague Brad Mitchell).
I also remember the Brierly golf course on which it was easier to lose golf balls than any other course I have ever played.
I remember a meal at the Cheese World cafe. As much as I try, I can’t help but remember it.
Litza – a good mate of mine had a dog called ‘Frank’. It used to enjoy headbutting his steel side gates.
You’re talking my district Craig. My aunty owned the land where the Allansford Speedway was built. The Andersons started in Allansford in the 1860′s and a few still live there including my brother and his family.
My wife works part-time at Deakin Uni but being a non-footy person she doesn’t divert her eyes right when she drives in to check out ‘the pond’ like I would do. No mud at the moment of course as we go through a mini-drought.
Lots of jokes about our Cheeseworld of course. I always think of the Griswolds as Clark would be trying to convince the others that Cheeseworld is a must-see place as the kids groan in the back- seat.
Talking to my Hawk-supporting local grocer the other day and he mentioned to a delivery-man that I write stuff for the Almanac. The guy said one of his mates Craig Little writes for the Almanac but the name didn’t quite ring a bell. Later I realized he was talking about Litza…or was it Jack Nicholson from the Cuckoo’s Nest.
Great article Craig. It’s about time the national competition had a team called the Sharks, would be great to see the shuffle performed in the AFL!
Fantastic article – but thinks are changing, there are plans for to ‘level’ the ground and install a rabbit proof fence, not sure if we are going to keep them in or out
You are spot on with Dr John – true legend…
In 1932, 20,000 flocked to the Pond to see him notch up his 100th game. In sub zero temperatures, Sherwood dominated and had over 30 possessions to halftime. The Sharks led by 6 goals. Unfortunately for the sharks, Sherwood was taken to hospital with suspected hyperthermia and didn’t resume after the main break. The Sharks missed Sherwood’s presence and lost by 3 points. Tests later cleared Sherwood of hyperthermia but indicated an extreme dose of leather poisoning.
Amazing but true..
We had a bloke named Anthony Cook who played a few seasons at Willy CYs before returning to Warrnambool.
Great player.
But I will always remember him for doing the ‘shark shuffle’ on the bar of the Morning Star Hotel.
Great shuffler.
Shit that was a funny story Craig
…it’s a funny club, T-Bone. Unique.
Loved the line about training being relocated to the KMart car park and being cancelled due to late night shopping. We actually trained at the East Burwood KMart when I was in the EB juniors.
top article – what a great a club . The one that knows how to enjoy itself. Played unsuccessfully too in the mid eighties at the sharks and enjoyed every minute . When the pond was a bog we trained in the middle of that very large roundabout where we could display our full range of skills under coach Coulson.