Now THAT’S entertainment!

 

by Andrew Fithall

Solved! I now get it! Finally I understand why the AFL keeps scheduling such crap pre-game and half-time entertainment. They don’t have sufficient confidence in the quality of their own product that they can put on the same program something that might compete with the actual game in providing a benefit to the football attendee. The Community Cup organisers have no such qualms. They don’t fear the sideshow will be better than the game; they fear that the game will be the highlight. If the Community Cup football was the best thing about the Community Cup, then you wouldn’t get twelve thousand people to a suburban ground on a Winter’s Sunday afternoon.

That’s probably a bit harsh, because the football is actually worth watching. But really, it’s not very good football. But with everything else that goes on in and around the game, it is a great day’s entertainment. And there is much for the AFL to learn from what is presented. Like having the umpires and match ball accompanied on to the ground by a piano accordion player. Also, maybe introduce a few modified rules such as each team having a minimum of five female players on the field at all times, no tackling from behind, and no under-age streaking – because, as the announcer pointed out, you wouldn’t want to have the Herald Sun on your case.

The game opened with the Triple R/PBS Megahertz kicking to the Southern end with the assistance of a stiff breeze. With 2010 hero Stew Farrell in Eddie Betts’ shorts and 2010 Connolly medallist (BOG) Chris Gill in Warwick Capper’s, they should have started the game with some confidence. But the first goal went to the Rockdogs, a team comprised of musicians of mixed age and gender and musical styles, with Dave Larkin getting his first of two for the day. The Rockdogs scored three more against the wind through Michael Cini, Tim Rogers and Dan Luscombe. The Megahertz’ waywardness started early, and wasn’t remedied all day. However, as ground announcer Leaping Larry pointed out, it is not easy to hit the post from such a long way away.

In his quarter time address, Megahertz coach Vince Peach exemplified his lack of football background by exhorting his players to run and run…and to have fun. Dave Hinnrichs (AKA Dave the Scott) followed the instruction implicitly, and resplendently, taking to the field in his kilt.

Working with the breeze in the second quarter, the Rockdogs stretched their lead further. Dan Sultan showed remarkable kicking skills with a goal from forty-five metres and outside the boundary. It wasn’t until the margin had stretched to fifty points that the ‘hertz scored their first major through an undeserved free kick to Farrell. A quick reply and the margin was back out to fifty at half time.

With Tumbleweed delivering a solid forty minutes of half time rock, it gave the players plenty of time for their muscles to cool down and seize up and their bones to begin to ache before they rejoined the fray for the second half. The third quarter was scoreless for the Rockdogs, but with only two goals and six more behinds themselves, the Megahertz knew the game was beyond them by three quarter time. In the last quarter the first of the streakers was tackled (tee hee) by a police impersonator who, having given the invader an on-field spanking, when escorting him to the fence missed the opportunity to place his London Bobby police helmet over the dangly bits, and thereby recreate the famous 1974 Twickenham rugby moment.

Scoring the first two goals of the last quarter though Linley and then Cini, the Rockdogs further mocked the Megahertz by serving Rockdogs players on-field pizza. The Megahertz final goal of the day was from the boot of Dave Lawson, whose prior football fame was in an old Shepparton jumper on the various Toyota Memorable Moments ads. The final margin of thirty-five points was achieved with twenty-one scoring shots apiece, but did seem to be a proper reflection of the two teams’ relative performances.

Megahertz full-forward Tim Rogers had taken an early shower, and as soon as the on-field presentations  were complete (Steve Connolly Medal to Michael Cini of Rockdogs), he fronted his band You Am I for the post-game musical entertainment, to bring a suitable end to a great day at the football.

 

My Votes: Cini (R) 3; Kat Spazzy (R) 2; Gill (M) 1

 

MATCH DETAILS

Espy Rockdogs             4.1            9.8            9.8            11.10 (76)
Triple R/PBS Megahertz            0.4            1.6            3.12            4 17 (41)

GOALS Espy Rockdogs:
Rogers 2, Sultan 2, Larkin 2, Cini 2,  Luscombe, 1, Pommer, 1, Valdemarin 1
Megahertz: Farrell 1, Linley 1 Lawson 1, Gill 1
BEST
Espy Rockdogs:
Michael Cini, Kat Spazzy, Tim Rogers, Liam Linley, Rebecca Barnard, Dave Larkin
Megahertz: Chris Gill, Jarrad Kennedy, Georgia Webster, Laurel, Richard Campbell, Dave Lawson

INJURIES
Espy Rockdogs:
Nil
Megahertz: Jess McGuire (ankle – injured running through the banner!)

Reports:
Two streakers (male), One naked cartwheeler (female)

Umpires: Nick Cave 1; Nick Cave 2

Official crowd: 12,001 at Elsternwick Park

 

 

About Andrew Fithall

Probably the most rational, level-headed Collingwood supporter in existence. Not a lot of competition mind you.

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