Local Footy: UQ notch a win, and seem to take on the local Ippy lingo


by Avan Stallard




Div2 Reserves Match Report 16 May 2009 (BAFL)


Uni                  1.5       2.6       4.10    6.13 (49)

Ipswich           1.0       2.3       3.4       3.9 (27)


We played really good on the weekend.  In the first quarter we wanted to beat the other side, who were Ipswich. Ipswich is a part of South-East Queensland but is not part of Brisbane. It is a nother town, or also it is probably a city.  But that depends on how many people are in Ipswich and how many people the city-judges say have to be in a town for it to be a city.  It has famous people like Pauline Hanson and some others who are famous and come from there.  The Ipswich Road goes to Ipswich, and starts here in Brisbane.  Pauline Hanson was the member for Oxley, and Oxley is near us, just over the river down from Indooroopilly.  I want to say thanks for Ipswich team coming all the way down their road to play footy with us.  I hope they had a bus like our club did the other weekend because only good things ever happen on a bus.


Ipswich tried hard all day.  I remember when I did a big bump on a thin old guy and I felt a bit bad and stopped because he was so old and thin and I thought maybe I might have hurt him, and I said are you ok and he said yeah mate good bump. That’s the sort of guys we and they are.  We all like good bumps and we are friends now.  I hope he is ok.


There was a really tall guy in the center and I looked at him and thought wow he is so tall what will Marty do to get the ball.  I don’t know how but Marty must have jumped really high because he got the ball a lot, a lot more than the tall guy, though Marty is tall too but not as tall.  I guess they grow tall in Ipswich with the clean air and fresh carp.  Imagine what they must be like in Toowoomba.  Probably really tall.  They should play with Ipswich.  It would be too far to come to play us and I don’t even know if Ipswich’s road goes there.


Sometimes Marty hit the ball to me and I gave it to Fuzzy who is called Fuzzy because he is hairy and Fuzzy says the girls like the hairy man though I don’t really believe him because what sort of girl likes hairy, and sometimes I gave it to Cam who is not hairy but is good at getting the ball even when I don’t give it to him.  Cam likes getting the ball, and sometimes I just stop playing and watch him get the ball because he hits it on the ground and can’t pick it up and so just keeps hitting it and there was a tall man from Ipswich running after him but Cam kept running and hitting the ball and then he picked it up and ran and was faster than the others and then he kicked it. He did that a lot, and sometimes the Ipswich man was not even tall.


When Cam and Fuzzy kicked it they kicked it into the forward line. That is where Monga was. But I don’t know why Monga is called Monga, or even if it is meant to just be Mong with no a.  He is definitely not retarded like a Mongoloid though they don’t say Mongoloid any more and actually I don’t know what they say, maybe special, so if that is why his nickname is Monga I don’t get it and I don’t think anyone would. I’ll ask him next time why he is Monga.  But he got the ball a lot.  Sometimes he tried to kick a goal and we all wanted really hard for him to kick it and he missed a lot.  But if there was a prize for trying the hardest to kick a goal I would give it to Monga because he tried hard and was good and he did kick a goal after a while because we kept kicking it to him and we just knew he would kick a goal.


Lots of other guys kicked goals too. Fuzzy kicked one and I know he likes to kick goals because he is always really happy when he does and you can tell because he says yes or yeah or something and does it hard so it is a hard yes. And he waves his fist in a happy way.  No one waved their fist in an unhappy way except for an Ipswich guy who I saw wave his fist at Wil which is short for William and I ran over to wave my fist at the tall Ipswich man but then the umpire came and waved his fist with a whistle in it and said Wil you take the ball and have a go because that is not right and Wil seemed happy with that so I didn’t wave my fist except for when he kicked the goal and then we all waved our fists in a happy way except for the Ipswich men who didn’t wave their fists at all.  Mick who we call Champs not because he is a champion but because his last name is Champion though he is a champion also kicked a goal and he does not kick a lot so we all thought that was great.  Kick lots of goals, Mick! Good on you.


But not everyone kicked goals, because some of us were up the other end and it is hard to kick goals from there.  Bort whose name is Robert but he calls himself Bort because it’s a short version of his name though that doesn’t make sense because there is no o in Robert, probably wanted to kick goals too but he would have been happy with just getting the ball a lot in the backline, though I didn’t ask him so maybe he wasn’t happy but I think he was.  I said, Bort you played a good game and everyone else said that too, and I bet that made him even happier, especially because it was not a lie or a joke. We mean it.


Shags played with Bort.  Someone might have told me that Shags looks like a cormorant and that is why he is called Shags because a Shag is like a cormorant.  He got a lot of the ball like a cormorant fishing for balls under the water in a pond.  Everytime the Shags cormorant dived under for a ball he came up with a ball though he didn’t eat the ball like a cormorant would if the ball was a big tasty fish, he always give it to someone else which is more like a cormorant that is a Mum and has babies and its babies are hungry so it gets the ball or fish and gives it to them and just has a bit themselves.  Shags had a lot to eat himself but regurgitated a lot for us too.  He is a good cormorant Mum.


There are lots of other people from our team who played really good and they are not from Ipswich.  We won the game because of that.  We were all really happy after the game and we sang the song in our changerooms as a team, or like a big cormorant family as Shags probably saw it.  And in the song we sang about drinking and winning and being from the uni though we are not all from the uni, and then we sang a bit about a girl called Mabel and we want her to turn over because her navel is on the other side. A navel is your belly button I think and I don’t know why we want to know about her belly-button but actually I don’t think the song is about Mabel whoever she is, even if she does have a really beautiful belly-button. The song is about us winning against tall men from Ipswich and then drinking beer which is what football is all about except Shags went home without drinking the beer and I was sad but then forgot about him thanks to the beer and was happy again.


So what say we all go and play a nother game of football on the weekend and win again no matter how tall the opposition is and it will be some of the best fun, and Scotty our nice President said instead of beer this weekend we could have fairy-bread if we win.  I bet Shags will stay for that.  The End.  Also I just had an idea that maybe Mabel likes hairy men like Fuzzy and Fuzzy likes belly buttons but that is just a guess but a pretty good one I think.



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