The People’s Front of Carlton (JB, Litza, TR and Barb) gather
Barb: [trying to hear the sermon from the mound] Oh, it’s blessed are the MEEK! Oh, I’m glad Bryce is getting something, he’s been having a hell of a time.
Litza: What Barb blatantly fails to appreciate is that it’s the meek who are the problem.
JB and TR proclaim the arrival of the Messiah
Bryce: I’m not the Messiah!
JB: I say you are, lord, and I should know, I’ve followed a few!
Litza begs to disagree
TR identifies the real problems
TR:And there shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, and there will be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of forward line, that has a marking player…at this time, a midfielder shall lose his clearance work and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before around eight o’clock…
The People’s Front of Carlton gather to consider strategy
TR:We get in through the underground heating system here… up through to the main audience chamber here… and Bryce’s bedroom is here. Having grabbed Bryce, we inform Sticks that he is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Barb:What exactly are the demands?
Litza:We’re giving Sticks two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Carlton Imperialist State and if he doesn’t agree immediately we execute Bryce.
JB:Cut his head off?
TR:Cut all his bits off, send ‘em back every hour on the hour… show him we’re not to be trifled with.
Barb:Also, we’re demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Emperor Christus Judas with his Brownlows hanging out.
JB:What? They’ll never agree to that, Barb.
Litza:That’s just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop him up, and… that we shall not submit to blackmail.
JB:(Applause) No blackmail!
Litza:They’ve bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers’ fathers.
Barb:And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
TR:And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Litza:All right, TR. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return? Except for 16 flags, and
End of Season Trades at Carlton
Turning over the list
Litza: [reading prepared statement] “We, the People’s Front of Carlton, brackets, official, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Bryce, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the AFL imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with our 16 flags, 5 Brownlows, 4 Norm Smith medals…………………
Cheer up, Carlton. You know what they say:
Some things in life are bad.
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle,
Don’t grumble. Play to the whistle.
And this’ll help things turn out for the best. And…
Always look on the bright side of life.