If you’re having footy problems I feel bad for you son, I got 14 problems but Mick ain’t one

Something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is, do you – Mr Curtain? Or Mr Malthouse? Mr Roos? Mr Demetriou? Sean asks for directions home.

WWRAD: a guide for moral decision-making (or How Rick Astley can change your life)

Sean Curtain argues the case for Rick Astley as a modern-day guru cum prophet. [May prompt a diverse reaction - Ed]

Channel 7′s Saturday night pre-game show and its remarkable similarity to a steaming pile of poo

Sean Curtain reckons it was not just the Richmond forward line stinking it up on Saturday.

Bring on Round 2!: An opening round of (mostly) underwhelming and poorly scheduled matches

Sean Curtain reckons the AFL have really dropped the ball with the opening fixture – mistiming, missed opportunities and an all-round mess. Here’s his analysis of what is, and what should have been.

The post-game handshake: how sport doesn’t always reflect real life

It’s a truism in sport, and something that Australians pride themselves on, that once the final whistle goes you leave it on the field and shake hands. However, try as he might, Sean Curtain isn’t always able to do the same in real life. But could he really leave an outstretched hand hanging?

How the rapid evolution of T20 cricket should create a change in certain traditional cricket laws.

Sean Curtain suggests some rules changes for T20 cricket to make it a fairer contest for the bowling/fielding team. Give us your opinions and suggestions.

Silly, childish and pointless. Yes, but I’ll ‘boo’ if I want to.

In Praise of Booing: Sean Curtain mounts a spirited defence of the much-maligned art. Don’t tell him he can’t boo. It’s the crowd’s right to have a crack.

Call a six a six

Sean Curtain is not immune to change. He can move with the times. Just last night, he downloaded his first app. But what was so wrong with calling a six a six?

Ashes Review: Over no. 78 and the Seinfeld moment – how an over of nothing told us everything about the series.

Perceptive analysis from Sean Curtain who analyses the over in which England did less than nothing, thereby symbolising their five test ‘effort’.

Fifth Test – Day 1: A totally implausible series continues, with a series of unlikely occurrences, that we’ve all seen before.

Sean Curtain with some observations of the day’s play and the series which, if presented as a script to an Ealing producer, would be rejected as totally implausible.

Melbourne Test – Day 4: Are England St Kilda or North Melbourne?

Sean Curtain thinks that England are North Melbourne; Australia are Port; Boof is Ken Hinkley; KP is Clint Jones; and he is Caroline Wilson. Dwarves and Mrs Curtain should beware.

A year is a long time in cricket: Boxing Day 2012 and the year since

Sean Curtain looks back at the side that was, the sides that have been, and the side coming up. A year’s a long time in cricket.

Why Essendon’s breathtaking arrogance and legal manoeuvring has to be admired.

Sean Curtain may be laughing at the English cricketers, but the Essendon drugs scandal and the incompetent AFL leadership is no laughing matter. Heads must roll.

Third Test – Day 4: What have the Romans ever done for us? (The English team as Life of Brian)

Sean Curtain eavesdrops on the English team meeting. We are as good as the Aussies, apart from……………….

2nd Test, Adelaide, Day 3: Shane Watson is a complete idiot

Sean Curtain’s title is self evident. Need we say more?

The passing of the baton: What Mark Waugh and I now have in common

Sean “Faded” (the forgotten) Curtain’s passing the baton of cricketing achievement from father to son.

First Test review: I looked out over the Gabba, and what did I see? (This is what you want, this is what you get)

Sean Curtain marks the card of the Australian team from the Gabba Test. 3 Distinctions; 3 Credits; 1 Pass (Sidds); 3 Must Try Harders; and 1 Dohhhhhh. Let us know if you agree with Sean’s assessment.

Gabba Test – Day 2: What the…?

We may have turned it on for Day 2, but it’s cost us a cracker of a piece from Sean Curtain. This is a pretty good substitute, mind you.

Half time is nearly over: What I hope to see in the First Test (and am scared I might see)

Sean Curtain has been to the mountain top, and he shares his vision of Australian cricket’s imminent future. You get to choose between the penthouse option and the basement slum view.

The Talk is almost over: Ashes preview, Shield wrap and have we treated our guests too well?

Sean Curtain shows why he’s over-qualified to be an Australian selector, with this common sense review of the Shield season to date, and the lead-up to the First Test starting the day after the Almanac Book Launch in Brisbane this Wednesday. Thanks to all at Cricket Australia for working around the Big Event with their 3 day slap and tickle.