Did you know that prior to being selected for the Ashes touring squad, all players will be required – as part of their next assignment – to answer a simple multiple choice questionnaire? It is therefore fortuitous for the players (especially Watto) that the answers to this quiz have been slid under the door at the offices of The Footy Almanac.
1. True. The IPL is a sacred Indian cash-cow to which Cricket Australia remains slavishly subservient.
2. False. “Mind games” was an album released by John Lennon post-Beatles. #mindgamesgotthem was a hash-tag tweeted by David Warner shortly before his team was defeated in a Test match inside three days.
3a. False. It would be unwise for a team to entertain touring India with a spinner who actually does not spin the ball.
3b. Also false. It would be unwise for a team to entertain playing three pacemen, a medium-pacer, and one spinner on a pitch resembling the Roland Garros centre court.
4. False. In the 1965 film “The Great Race”, it was Tony Curtis – not James Sutherland – who played The Great Leslie, the swashbuckling character who always manages to avoid disaster.
5. True. The “Fawad Ahmed” clause is a little known sub-section of the Immigration Act which specifies that, if an asylum-seeker can bowl leg-spin, he or she will have their application for residency fast-tracked. The “Gajdosova” clause, which pertains specifically to Eastern European female tennis players, has been expunged.
6. False. Ashton Kusher is an actor best known for dating women older than his mother, not a left-arm orthodox spinner who surprisingly played in both warm-up games on the recent tour of India. Hagar the Horrible is a comic-strip featuring a viking, not a left-arm orthodox spinner who surprisingly played in both warm-up games on the recent tour of India.
7. True. “Considering my future” is a term used by Formula 1 drivers after a race in which they have been overtaken by a team-mate in the dying stages. It has also been used by cricket vice-captains immediately prior to being promoted to the captaincy.
8. False. “Where’s Wally” is a series of children’s books and puzzles, not a guessing game about who is in charge of Cricket Australia.
9. False. The Abbotsford Anglers were the last Australian cricket team to successfully tour India.
10. True. “Mojo” was the name of the advertising agency which produced the “Come on Aussie, come on” jingle for World Series Cricket. It was not something the Test team lost when Michael Hussey retired.
11. True. That laughing you could hear was coming from New Zealand.
There will now be no excuses for not promptly handing in this homework.
(With apologies to John Clarke).