Amazing Adventures of SuperNic

INTRO

“Look!  Up in the sky!”  “It’s a bird!”  “It’s a plane!”  “No – It’s SuperNic!”

“Faster than a speeding bullet!  More powerful than a locomotive!  Able to leap tall packs in a single bound!”

“Yes, it’s SuperNic … strange visitor from another land, who came to the West Coast Wonders with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men!  SuperNic … who can change the course of mighty contests, bend steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Nic Naitanui, mild-mannered ruckman for a great metropolitan footy team, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the West Australian way!”

PROLOGUE

The young Nic was playing rugby with his father in the cane fields of his native Fiji, when a meteor plummeted to Earth alongside them.  The meteor’s rays conferred superhuman powers on the young Nic, but tragically his father was killed by the impact.  Such was its strength that Nic was flung into extra-terrestrial orbit, spending many years circling the galaxy as he grew and came to understand his mighty powers.  On his third orbit he flew too close to Alpha Centauri and the intense heat permanently frizzled his hair into gigantic black dreadlocks.

Eventually landing in the Swan Valley of Western Australia, SuperNic has dedicated his life to defeating RossBall; rolling mauls and all the forces of boring defensive football that now plague our land.

PLOT

Bizarro Brad is the coach of the Blue Devils, and evil twin of Ultraboy Chris the coach of the Horizontal Hoops.  Bizarro has come to Perth to steal the Wonder’s mineral wealth and 4 points.

Bizarro and the Blue Devils have a game plan based on speed and thuggery.  Early on Wonderboy Wellingham has his only good ankle ruthlessly kicked out from under him.  The Blue Devils jump out to a 3 goal lead at quarter time.  The West Coast Wonders refuse to rise to this provocation with a 1.7 second quarter that generously keeps the Devils in the game.

Things get worse after half time when the Devils take Cable Schofield out behind the bike shed and break all his fingers.  The Devils have Shuey the Boy Wonder’s left shoulder reassigned to the right side of his body.  Brennan is cruelly head butted by Cement Head Wright, and soon the Wonders have only 10 fit players left on the ground.

Finally the Wonders sense the danger and can no longer accept this threat to their wealth and rightful position.  They claw back the lead in the third quarter, but Spider Man Cox, Wolverine Jack Darling and DareDevil LeCras have all had their goal kicking radar poisoned by the Devil’s kryptonite.

All seems hopeless in the final minutes as kindly old Grandpa Selwood has his head removed with a machete by one of the Devils.  With his dying gasp Grandpa boots the magic orb forward toward a clutch of Devils gathered to block any final thrust.

Sensing the threat, SuperNic flies high above the pack of giant Devils and plucks the orb from their lustful grasp.  He is 90 metres from goal on the boundary wing just as the credits start to roll in a theatre packed with tearful children.  How can life be so cruel?  How can evil be allowed to triumph in an unjust world?

Fear not – SuperNic launches the orb skyward, narrowly missing Betelgeuse as it hurtles through the cluster of the stars in the night sky high above the Subiaco cinema.  The burning orb re-enters the Earth’s atmosphere high above the western goal posts, just as the horn section and strings signal the end to another incredible adventure for the Western Wonders.

At the far end of the amphitheatre an ancient scribe hugs his Avenging Eagle and rejoices that SuperNic has once again restore order and justice to the Universe.

Best:

3 – SuperNic

2 – Shuey the Boy Wonder.

1 – Josh the Black Panther

For the Blue Devils, the most damage was done by:

  • Humanoid Hansen
  • Jack Mxyzptlk
  • Gigantor Goldstein

WESTERN WONDERS                    3.2    4.9    8.14    12.18 (90)

BLUE DEVILS                                       6.1    7.4    10.6    13.10 (88)

Comments

  1. Luke Reynolds says:

    It’s about time the name Mxyzptlk was used in a footy match report.

    What a great mark by SuperNic when the game needed to be won. His presence ensures Eagles games on tv are must watch games.

  2. Sean Gorman says:

    the greatest ruck the game has ever seen apparently.

  3. Peter_B says:

    Ah for a big man who could even get his hand to the ball in the dying seconds.

  4. Colourful and entertaining Pete. NicNat is fast becoming the man of steel. Us Bulldogs would trade half our team for him.

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