THE PRE WRAP – THE BUMP IS DEAD; LONG LIVE THE BUMP ROUND
For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower
What a week it’s been in Football Eddie. The Sage has dubbed it The Bump That Rocked the Game. Has it? It’s certainly brought on the public debate we had to have. Our Great Game is built on physicality. That’s what makes it special to us. Testing the courage and strength of our young men. (You’re not going to get wound up about Kokoda & Tobruk again are you Wrap? – Ed) We’d all be speaking Japanese if it weren’t for what The Game instilled in those young men of The Track Oh Wondrous Text Tinkerer. Take The Bump out of the contest for The Pigskin and you may as well be playing soccer. We caught the footage on the day. To all of us here in the Wrapcave it was a classic sandwich. Boofer from the storeroom had his cousin Nasty Flanagan down from Darwin and their first comment was you won’t see any better than that. And that you hardly see it any more.
But let’s look at it more closely. The Invertebrates at The Star Chamber cited the breaking of Tom Lynch’s glass jaw as the grounds for the suspension. And the head contact that supposedly caused it. Well, from the footage we’ve seen the head contact was between Lynch’s head and that of Alex Georgiou. So why wasn’t Georgiou charged?
And if Lynch’s jaw hadn’t been broken, would there have been a charge at all?
It’s telling that the Appalling Football League has protected itself from litigation by passing the onus on to the players. Which to us suggests that a) the Invertebrates at Jellymont House are conscious of their exposure in these instances, and b) they’re conscious of the damage to The Game that could follow should outright desire for the Pigskin be shandied in any way.
Which reminds me of a story told of The Late Great Living Legend Captain Blood. Jack had floored an opposition player and as they stretchered him off, because it was drizzling, they drew the sheet over his face. Jack saw this from a distance and it had him worried. At the Half Time Break he anxiously asked after the player. Ray Dunn was on the committee at the time – a leading defence lawyer and later to lead The Tigers from Punt Road to the MCG. Never known to miss an opportunity to slip in a quick one and conscious of the Richmond Captain’s concerns, told him, Don’t worry Jack, we’ll get you off with manslaughter. Somehow, Don’t worry Jack, the AFLPA’s blanket insurance policy will cover most of it and your personal cover will pickup the gap just doesn’t carry the same depth of mythology, does it Wrappers?
Further to all this, if the head’s so sacrosanct (Try living with one that’s scrambled Wrap. Oh, sorry, I forgot – Ed) If the head’s so sacrosanct, why doesn’t the Appalling Football League bring in the wearing of helmets. If it was good enough for one of the greatest full forwards this game has ever seen – Jason Dunstall – and one of its most fearless rovers – Nathan Bourke – as well as all the Seaford Tigers underage outfits – it should be good enough for general exhibition. (And don’t they look scary running out in that leather head strapping? Sort of like muzzled pit bulls – Ed) Then think of the merchandising. Something for Gillon of The Overflow* to consider.
Speaking of The G Mac** – reading the feedback, there seems to be little empathy out there for the polo playing graziers son who boasts a love of The Ammos and a link to Country Footy. Maybe things will change when he stamps his authority on the position. (You don’t think that’s the reason for the lack of empathy Wrap – that he already has? – Ed)
Hold The Press- we’ve got breaking news. The Gnomes in the bowels of Jellymont House and the Invertebrates that sit in the back office and measure the windsock of public opinion have done a volte-face. Le Sandwich & Le Bosse are back.
You ca say all you like about those Curry Munchers, but you can’t say they do things by half measure. You remember Lalit Modi? He started the Indian Premier League. Banned for life from holding any administrative position in Cricket after a saga that would run to several sequels were it run as a Bollywood franchise, is in London after the Indian Government revoked his passport over corruption allegations. (Is corruption a crime in India Wrap? Every day’s a school day, eh? – Ed) Now cop this, he was named president of the Rajasthan Cricket Association after their elections in 2013. Some may find it an odd wording – that he was named president after the elections. Wouldn’t you just say he was elected president by the members of the Association? But who are we to question a 5,000 year old culture. But the good old Board of Control of Cricket in India (BCCI) have refused to recognize the results and banned the Rajasthan state association until further notice. Watch this space – and the court notices.
Back in the pits, have you noticed that Sebastian has another Aussie to spa with? That’s right Wrappers, without his suspension in Melbourne, Daniel Ricciardo would be ahead of the Raging Bull in the standings for this year’s FI Drivers’ Championship. We hope it doesn’t descend to the Packer-Gyngell level, but we expect – if his long running stoush with Mark Webber is anything to go be – some fierce rivalry over the season.
But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who’s going to be shutting the gate after Round VIII
The Bloods v The Mayblooms, out at Homebush for tonight’s Pipeopener. Make no mistake Wrappers; this is going to be a bottler. The 2012 Premiers are getting back to full strength and, well over their wonky start to the season, have hit their straps big time. Pyke has pulled a hammy, and they’ll miss the Big Lumberjack. They’re tagging Big Karl & Buddy, which should be fun to watch. The Hawks regain Stratton but lose Lake & Mitchell. Ins & Outs hardly matters with these two combatants; one soldier goes down and another one takes his place. Ward Rooney is calling perfect conditions for Football up there in Legoland and there’s a feeling of a 2013 GF rematch about the game. The Bagmen have The Leafblowers in at $1.45, which on last week’s form looks attractive, however – and no disrespect meant here to St Kilda players or TLSJPF – they’re not playing The Saints this week. On a dry night – as disciplined as the South Melbourne defence is – it looks a daunting task to hold down The Kadichi Man, Jack Gunston, Isaac Smith, Bruuuest, Roughie & Hale. We’ll go with The Hawkers in this one, but wouldn’t encourage The Bagmen. The Bloods are not without a very strong chance here.
The Powers That Be v The Mauve Miasma for the early one on Saturday on the Picturesque Adelaide Oval. The Power have strengthened their line up with the return of Carlile, Hartlett & Mitchell. The Stevedores have regained Silvagni & Hill, but lost McPharlin & The Iconic Zac. Not a good time to lose two key defenders – when you’re playing a side that averages over 20 goals a game. Especially when your own forwards can only averaging 14. Put down the glasses: The Tealers. And did you blink too? Little Tommy has them out at $1.58. It’s obviously not his money anymore. Grab a healthy slice of his largess. That’s right Wrappers, The Power From Port are the Wrap Mortgage Buster of The Round.
The Lions v The Marshmallows under the palms in the gathering gloom. And gloom it is indeed for Bomber’s Battling Bombardiers. They fell in against The Labradoodles last weekend have lost Winderlich, rested Howlett and omitted Ashby. It’s always a worry when a struggling side finds it necessary to rest a player. You’d imaging more game time would be the answer to their woes out at Melrose Drive, rather than a hot cuppa, a Bex powder and a good lie down. We’re going to give them the nod in this one, for no other reason than The Maroons are a bit of a shambles at the moment. The $1.22 is about right, and if your TAB is along Puckle Street or out at Keilor Heights you’ll be amongst fellow travellers when you walk in through the batwings, but they still don’t inspire confidence amongst serious investors.
The Fuchsias v The Tricolours on the Big Stage on Saturday night. Both sides have won a couple this year, and have and both have shown they can take it up to the opposition. We’re going for The Dees, despite The Doggies good showing last week against The Gliders. The Redlegs showed some real fight and The Consultancy may be starting to kick in. We like the BGS forward set-up with Dawes in the square & Jack Who out across half forward. We’re tipping this is going to be Jack’s breakout game. That’s right Wrappers, with all aspirations for The Coveted Sylvan Shield put behind them, The Beelzebubs – at $3 even – are The Wrap Roughie of The Round.
The Screaming Eagles v The Orangemen over on the balmy shark infested shores of The Wide Brown Land in Sunday’s gathering gloom. The Wedgies, over the last four weeks, have been playing as though they’ve been well and truly wedgied. Geelong got right into them down at Cat Central back in Round VI and they’ve struggled ever since. They’ve been thereabouts in the other three – one The Derby and the other Port Adelaide, but the loss to The Silvertails was a particularly poor effort. Back in front of their adoring home crowd, they should have too much of everything for The Western Sydney Experiments. And at $1.05, it’s one for the rent money.
The St Seaford Seagulls v The Royal Parade Miseries under cover on Monday night. Boy, is this the non-event of the round? Maybe even the season. At the end of a day Ward Rooney has marked down as a top of 19oC with showers clearing the April Fools’ League expects the punters to drag themselves down to the Docklands Ghost Town after dark to watch a team that was flayed by 145 points in their last outing play a team that has won two matches all season, and in one of those they just fell across the line. The marketing geniuses at Jellymont House tell us that they’re doing it to compete with soccer. Lord hear our prayers. Look, we’re going for The Baggers, but only because The Sainters are far from full strength and we’re guessing they’ll still be shell shocked from the blitzing they received last weekend.
Good tipping, and even better punting.
And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.
* – Plagiarism is recognized as one of the dastardliest crimes of penmanship. So as not to be accused of such a low dodge Wrap Enterprizes would like to acknowledge that Gillon of The Overflow was coined by Mr B, Editor of that outstanding sporting e-publication The Footy Almanac.
** – As above – The G Mac was coined by Andrew Starkie – a writer for the above mentioned journal. We are indebted to both scribes for two excellent observations.