AFL Round 12: Shaw, the slipping Swan

by    Danielle Eid

Ahh, can it get any better?

Exams are over and my family is happy to have the ‘normal’ Danni back.

I was able to ace my Literature, History and Media exams (haven’t got my English back yet)

However to my dismay I produced a Rhyce Shaw by slipping on my accounting exam.  What can I say, I just can’t work with numbers, I’m a Humanities student for crying out loud!

Well at least my accounting grade didn’t cost Collingwood the grand final in 2003.

Yes it’s replaying in my head right now. Our defence is trying to get the ball out of Brisbane’s danger zone, the ball goes to Rhyce who…. You guessed it chooses the WORST TIME EVER to slip, leaving the ball in the capable hands of Alistair Lynch.

I was eleven years old and it was the first time I had cried for my team. It didn’t help that Mick, Licuria and many other players were in tears. My heart was broken.  How lucky would I have been to witness my team win at Premiership at eleven.

Instead I’m scarred by the whole event and formed a dislike for Rhyce ever since that one little slip.

When I found out that was Rhyce leaving to Sydney it was obvious that Santa had received my Christmas wish list. “Good riddance!”I said. “Now all we need to do is get rid of Toovey!” (Did you hear that Santa?)

Then came the day, Rhyce against Heath the highlight of my weekend.

I have nothing against Heath, infact I really like him. Time for a flash back!

I met Heath at a Collingwood family day three years ago. I didn’t go looking for him, infact he came to me. You see at the time I had a massive crush on Cameron Cloke. I was shy back then, way too embarrassed to ask Cameron for his autograph, his presence alone was mesmerizing. There he was, an angel sent from football heaven. He was sitting around with Heath and a few other players. I stopped in front of Cameron ready to ask his attention when he was called to stage and walked straight past me, I was devastated.

Okay so the whole thing didn’t really work out, Cameron had left and I was standing there shy as hell, that’s when Heath came over. I figured Heath had seen the disappointed look on my face. He stepped over with a warm smile and said: “Hey, don’t worry he’ll be back they just need him for interviews.”At this point I was probably the shyest I had ever been and only managed to nod. My contrast between these two is hilarious; so I hope the boys get stuck into Rhyce hard!

The announcement of Nathan Brown as a late change doesn’t shock me, infact I feel relived that there no chance of Barry Hall rearranging Nathan’s pretty face.

The first quarter starts off messy, im talking messier than my room.  Sydney play their normal, boring kick to kick footyas Pendlebury limps off the ground.

Dick kicks the opening goal as minutes go by without the return of my dear Pendlebury.

Leigh Brown kicks the second while Bolton misses Sydney’s first. After a goal from Superman, Jack puts the Swan’s first on the board. Uncharacteristic mistakes from Maxwell leave me muttering curses in the result of another Sydney goal. Presti is doing a great job on Barry Hall, if only he still had another ten years left in him.  I’m feeling confident until Toovey stumbles.

“Toovey you IDIOT, DON’T SIT ON THE BALL ARRGGGHHH!!!”    Seriously we have to get rid of him, he’s killing me!

The quarter ends with Collingwood 12 points in front.

Cloke misses his first as the second quarter is underway. I really feel bad for Travis but hopefully he will get his confidence back.

FINALLY A RHYCE SHAW IS PRODUCED, by the original of course!Rhyce turns the ball over in his kick out resulting in a Collingwood goal. The Collingwood players make sure they let him know about his mistake. That ladies and gents is why I’m happy he left! Hopefully he’ll slip next!Sydney score goals through O’Keefe and Goodes, while Fraser kicks a goal in reply.

I really wish they wouldn’t replay Pendlebury’s injury over and over again, it really breaks my heart and I don’t want to see it! The quarter ends with Collingwood 16 points up and still no sign of Pendlebury.

Hall starts the third quarter with a bang, followed by another goal from O’Keefe.  Jack Anthony gets a knee to the ribs and is no longer moving, as a result I cover my face and curse. The camera man has the camera on Hall who taking a shot at goal on the other side of the ground. “STUPID CAMERA MAN! Superman is dying and he thinks Hall’s miss at goal is more important!! ARGGGHHHH!!”Collingwood is now two men down as Hall kicks the Swans within 3 points.

“ARRGHH of course as soon as were two men short the swans can ran away with the game, DAMN IT!!” At this point I don’t know whether to punch a hole in the wall or cry. My Taurus within is unleashed and ANGRY as the Swans hit the lead.

I notice Licuria on the bench as a member of coaching staff. “Just give him a bloody jumper, let him play no one will notice!” Dane Swan takes back the lead just on the siren, my boys are 3 points up and I need a glass of water!

Superman Jack Anthony sucks in his pain and returns to the ground to start the last quarter. He really is a hero, I truly love Jack Anthony! With only 3 points the difference I feel myself go all tense.

Three Sydney behinds later and the score is level, I reach for my glass of water. Clearly this too much for me. If we lose my cousins in Sydney will make sure I never hear the end of it! Davis goes for goal and I look away, the words of the commentators ringing in my ears.

GOAL!! THANKYOU LEON!!

Neon Leon kicks another to put us 12 points in front followed by a goal form Didak which leaves me off my seat.

“DIDAK YOU LEGEND!!”

The quarter ends with Leon’s third, a tried team of swans and an exhausted team of Magpies. Rhyce Shaw’s disappointment is not hidden and Superman is interviewed leaving me blowing kisses at the TV.

“Superman, I worship you!”

Collingwood have a well deserved win by 23 points on Mick’s  big day leaving Rhyce to wonder. Was deciding to leave Collingwood another slip?

About Danielle Eid

Im 23, cute and most importantly im the Collingwood Football Club’s very own PRINCESS!! :)
A Latrobe Uni graduate from Bachelor of Journalism.
Admirer of Samantha Lane and Jon Ralph.
Not your typical ‘Robot Journalist’
Loves Alex Fasolo

Comments

  1. Steve Fahey says:

    Nice work Danielle

    Much older and hardened Pies supporters cried at that moment, and indeed, that day in 2003. We call it character-building, others call it masochism.

  2. danielle says:

    Steve:
    Thanks Steve!
    Character-building? Hmmm I guess moments like that can make you stronger and in the case of Rhyce, clumsier too!
    I assume you’re a Collingwood man?

  3. well written except i didnt like the final result. pies did earn the victory eventhough given the circumstances in the game they should have lost. i dont think rhyce shaw deciding to leave collingwood was a slip given that the pies were the ones giving him away.(you can guess he is in my favourites folder) is every player that leaves collingwood a villian? (nick davis an exception).
    well written again

  4. johnharms says:

    Danielle

    I’m trying to imagine how you’d have coped with Peter McKenna.

    Thanks for another excellent piece – your voice is so authentic.

    JTH

  5. Danielle – accounting is easy. Debits on the left, credits on the right.

  6. danielle says:

    DIPS:
    Debits on the left, credits on the right:
    That was year ten accounting, it’s gotten much worse in year 11!
    I actually did better last year!
    Oh well I’ve got end of year exams to redeem myself!!

  7. Danielle – Don’t panic. There are only two rules in accounting:

    1 – see above comment about debits and credits.
    2 – if you spend more than you make, you will go broke.(Sometimes rule two makes the Federal Budget a confusing document)

    All the rest is academic mumbo jumbo.

    Good luck.

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