About votes and best players


by Les Everett

OK. Bring it in. Everyone. Jog it in. Now.

Sorry to interrupt training but there’s something I’ve gotta say.

As you might know at this time every year I sit down in my black tie and count the votes for the Malarkey Medal.

Come on. Bit of shush. Listen up.

Every year there’s something that gives me the shits. I tried to tell Mr Harms but he said was, “Is this about Chappy, what about that first goal from Varcs, how good was Stevie J, I love Jimmy, is Christo the best ever player from Lara?” I needed to hang up.

Then I went to Mr Daff. “I don’t wanna know about it,” he said. He’s a bit grumpy at this time of year. “Just getting some of these bloody idiots to get their bloody stories in on bloody time is enough for me. I’m not interested in details.” And he hung up.

So that’s why I’ve brought you all together.

Yes, I’m sure that’s very interesting Gigs but listen here please.

Can you put the mobile phone away for a moment please Danielle. Yes I know your generation can multi-task but just give me your attention. Turn the mobile off.

It’s about Malarkey Medal votes and best players.

To illustrate my point I’ll just pick a random (yes, that made you listen young Almanackers didn’t it… one of, like, your words) report.

I’m not picking on anyone here. Most of you get it right, but we’re a team and I want us all to get it right next year. If you’re not improving you’re standing still.

Here’s the random

Round one Carlton vs Richmond. The best players for Carlton are named as Murphy, Gibbs, Judd, Warnock, Curnow and Robinson. The votes are Duigan (Carl.) 3, Curnow (Carl.) 2, Murphy (Carl.) 1.

Notice something? Correct. Duigan is not listed among Carlton’s best players but he is the best player on the ground. That doesn’t make sense, does it?

So here’s the point. The best players are your best players…listed in order and they should be reflected in the votes. So in this game Carlton’s best should have been: Duigan, Curnow, Murphy, Gibbs, Judd, Warnock.

Is that clear?

Some you don’t even see opposition players so feel free to cheat and list the same best players as some bozzo in the paper. However if give one of them a votes make sure it makes sense.

Here’s a perfect example from round eight Essendon vs Hawthorn. Best players Essendon: Zaharakis, Hooker, Myers, Hocking, Howlett, Monfries. Brisbane: Rockliff, Adcock, Hanley, Rich, Ritchie, Stevic, Kamolins.

Votes: Zaharakis (Ess) 3, Hooker (Ess) 2, Rockliff (B) 1. Lovely.

Traditionally we name six best players for each team but sometimes in a team performs particularly poorly you may name just a couple… or none. And occasionally you might feel the need to name more than six. How many best players did you list for the Cats in Grand Final Mr Harms?

24? Mmm that’s a lot. Oh, you put Milly and Moons in there too did you? That’s nice.

Now, I hope I’ve made myself clear and that this problem is eradicated next season.

Are there any questions?

Yes you can turn your mobile back on Danielle. Why are you shaking?

Dave, I didn’t mention Collingwood, you’re right. No reason, it just didn’t come up.

Rick Kane, you haven’t understood a word of this have you?

What was your question Mr Harms?

How good was Lingy?

I think I’ll leave it at that,

About Les Everett

A Footy Almanac veteran, Les Everett is the author of Gravel Rash: 100 Years of Goldfields Football and Fremantle Dockers: An Illustrated History. He is the footyalmanac.com WAFL correspondent and uses the money he makes from that role to pay for his expensive websites australianrules.com.au and talkingfrankie.com and fund the extravagant Vin Maskell at scoreboardpressure.com


  1. As the culprit on Round 1, can I just say that my votes don’t necessarily comply with the textbook understanding of the term ‘best players’.

    Nick Duigan wasn’t in the best players – I gave him the 3 votes because he’s Nick F*cking Duigan, and a new Carlton cult hero was born that night.

    I gave 2 votes to Ed Curnow because like Nick F*cking Duigan he had a great back-story and I liked the cut of his jib.

    I gave Murphy a vote as he was probably best on ground.

    I hope this clears things up…

  2. Les feel free to use my home work to show the class.

    I believe that they even vary slightly from the ones from the experts and always coincide with the way they read in the credits.

    And if you need any further indication of what an astute and good bloke I am………….. I HATE THE WEAGLES with a passion.

    (Any leek so I can get a little wager on the winner)

  3. No Tigers mentioned Craig.

  4. Who…?

  5. Robert Klomp got named best afield one game and he only had 4 handballs. But I take your point Les.

  6. Bengal, Sumatran, Mongolian Snow………all endangered.

  7. Robert Klomp Dips. Did he wear a moon boot?

  8. Taylor, Nason, Farmer, Tasmanian… all extinct.

  9. Re Klomp:

    That TV story gets better and better. Last I’d heard he didn’t actually play that night, he was out injured and wasn’t even in the country, but some bloke that looked like him took a sceamer in the corridor behind Bay 63 at Waverley before the game just as Lou and ‘Very Much So Bobby’ were walking past,.and that became their abiding memory of the night.

    Along the same lines I think it was Antony Condon who once got a vote in the Brownlow after taking till 10 minutes in the last quarter to emerge from the bench, in a game Hawthorn won by over 20 goals, at Victoria Park around 1987 or 1988.

  10. lol the most hilarious thing is that i don’t actually cling my phone at all.
    i go days without turning it on and misplace it around the house once a week!
    It’s the ipod that has my attention

  11. Andrew Fithall says:

    Mr Les. Sir. I don’t want to make excuses… but… I was under the impression that the named best players were just copied and pasted along with all the other match-day data from the AFL website. And that is why there will be discrepancies between the named best players and “Our Votes”.

  12. Right everyone. We’ll do some circle work now.

    Litza… just stay there a minute. We need to talk

    Fitta. Now you know.

    Danielle. Have you been lying about your age?

    Phanto. You’re looking more like captain material every week mate. Keep it up.

  13. Not lying, 19 turning 20 :)
    I am just not as attached as everyone else is…

  14. Richard Naco says:

    I didn’t name any best players. 150pts as a margin pretty much says all of this team/ none of that team after all.

    I just thought the editors lifted it from the papers of choice.

    (Mine being the Geelong AbLingtiser, btw.)

  15. Folks, just to clear one thing up: the best players are YOUR best players. However, there is the option to shop around on the various accounts: AFL, press, etc You can have any number. John KIngsmill had 14 for one match. WE have had games with two players for one team (possibly latter day Brisbane)

    It’s all up to you.

  16. Phantom – I was warming to your softer, vulnerable side. But……….
    I also like the illogic of Malarkey votes going to the players you are most passionate about or admire most on the day. Beats regurgitating the predictable drivel of the media scribes. DKerr consistently gets BOG for the Eagles on the infrequent occasions when he can string 2 games together in a row and gets more than 20 possessions. How many go to advantage and contribute to the team plan, rather than his own messianic vision of winning the game off his own boot??
    Long live the idiosyncracies of the Malarkey. Votes for the battlers and team players. I understand your logic (?) and reasoning (??) Litza.

  17. It’s not personal Peter.

    It goes back to the condescending smart arse comments Peter Matera made after 94 GF.

    You will note the Cats supporters were very humble after 2011 Preliminary.

  18. Danielle,

    will the 21st be coinciding with the Almanac launch in 2013? That would certainly boost the numbers.

    100 Knackers all putting $100.00 into the hat would make for a nice pressy as well.

    Clothes, travel……….etc.

  19. Les,
    OK, the circle work and coach’s speech is over.
    Now for some Indian file around the boundary….

  20. Lol nooo phantom my birthday is in May :)

  21. What is it about Everetts (as opposed to Everitts)? I always found Kenny to be funny, and now Les has me chuckling.

  22. Kenny was a very naughty boy Gigs.

    Maggie had him put off air regarding one of his live gags about appropriate names for heads of state.

  23. Gemini Danni?

    If so I hope you both have a happy birthday?

  24. PeterB (and others)… quirky, your-view votes are good. And if you give some bloke nobody else noticed three votes that’s good. But also make him your best player.

    If you don’t then next year I’ll be throwing away the balls and we’ll be runnin laps.

    It’s all up to youse blokes and sheilas.

  25. A couple of weeks in the WAFL might get the game plan through their fick skulls coach.

  26. No, i thought it was obvious I’m a Taurus!:P

  27. Rick Kane says:

    I just googled my name and it came up on this page. Wot up Lessa? Talk about twisted knickers. Two cents worth if you don’t mind Brother Everett, this is the kinda piece to submit at the start of the year. Mind you, even if I read it the day of a game I was writing up I’d probably have forgotten it by the time I came to synchronise my Malarkey votes with the best a field. So I’m going to tattoo your (stern) advice to my computer screen and for the team make damn sure I get it just right next time :)


  28. Blue tac a cut out of a Freddo Frog as well Rick.

  29. Isn’t this the same outfit that gave the Malarkey Medal to the player with the second most votes one year because the player with the most wasn’t from a Victorian team? It was the right thing to do, until the said player accepted the medal with the same grace Peter Moore accepted his runners-up medallion in another Pies losing GF

Leave a Comment