A Team of Charmers

 

 

 

In less enlightened times one could describe a handsome, sexy man as “someone who can pull the birds.”

 

Isn’t there always one among a group of friends?

 

What was it about them that made them attractive? Was it a certain look? The way they spoke, smiled the texture of their skin? Or was it the way they dressed, walked, gestured?

 

More envious opposition fans would delight in bagging Geoff Raines with gibes like: “Where’s your mirror pretty boy?!”

 

I know that it has become somewhat passe to objectify a human being based on their sexual charm. However, does that still stop us from secretly doing so?

 

Watching athletic bodies in the throes of sporting passion comes with a kind of sexual aesthetic that perhaps hasn’t been covered adequately on this site. Danni Eid has had a go, albeit with a dash of Collingwood bias.

 

Haydn Bunton apparently used to drive his female Fitzroy fans crazy as they followed him down Brunswick Street during the 1930s. Bunton was a diminutive rover, but he dressed sharply and had a nice head of hair. He was no ‘Chicken’ Smallhorn, that’s for sure. Wonder how ‘Chicken’ used to go in those days introducing himself as ‘Smallhorn’?

 

The late, great Trevor Barker was a legend at the notorious St Kilda Social Club Disco in the 1980s. His blonde hair, death-defying leaps and surfer-chic attitude made him a pin-up boy for Saints fans of the era.

 

Two generations earlier it was the dapper and swashbuckling Keith Miller who would have been busy during footy and cricket season.

 

Come on Knackers. Who has turned you on and why?

 

B: Stephen Silvagni (Carl)       Alex Rance (Rich)                 Gavin Wanganeen (Ess/Port)

 

HB: Trevor Barker (StK)                    Glen Jakovich (WCE)          Keith Miller (StK)

 

C: Nat Fyfe (Freo)                             Geoff Raines (Rich)             David Swallow (Nth Melb)

 

HF: Sam Kekovich (Nth Melb) Murray Weideman (Coll)            Brad Johnson (WB)

 

F: Jamie Elliot (Coll)                                   Tony Modra (Adel)               Russell Roberston (Melb)

 

Ruck: Sam Newman (Geel)          Brett Kirk (Syd)                                  Haydn Bunton (Fitz)

 

IC: Tim Watson (Ess) Jimmy Bartel (Geel) Neil Roberts (StK) Richard Osborne (Fitz)

 

Coach: Peter Knights (Bris/Haw)

 

Entertertainment:

 

 

About Phillip Dimitriadis

Carer/Teacher/Writer. Author of Fandemic: Travels in Footy Mythology. World view influenced by Johnny Cash, Krishnamurti, Larry David, Toni Morrison and Billy Picken.

Comments

  1. I dare say Kouta wouldn’t have struggled too much for female company back in the day …. on the subject of Hadyn Bunton apparently there were lots of ladies hanging around Foy & Gibson department store in Bourke St hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

  2. Smokie says:

    There would have plenty at the Bears back in the day, LB.
    What about that Michael Richardson fellow who went with Raines to Brisbane?

    (A minor point: David Swallow plays at Gold Coast)

  3. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Sorry Smokle. Swallowed the wrong way. Meant Andrew. Both fairly good looking fellas ! Richardson and Raines had some form (off the field) at Collingwood.

  4. Luke Reynolds says:

    Nice team LB, a marketers dream!

    Pretty much every girl I went to High School with in the 1990’s was in love with Modra.

    Reckon one W.Capper would be as disappointed to miss this team as he was to miss the Swans Team of the Century!

    Chris Tarrant would have to be in the emergencies.

    Reckon Brad Johnson is very lucky to be included in this team, maybe Easton Wood as a Bulldogs alternative?

  5. Smokie says:

    Mason Wood (Nth) is a future star of this team

  6. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Thanks Luke,
    Modra was an Adelaide Adonis in those days. Wiz a bit too bogan for this team, I reckon. Taz a contender. Brad got in mainly because I struggled to find a decent looker among the Dogs. Most are somewhat, well, rugged…He had a nice smile at least !
    Smokie – I think Mason will go alright. Majak also stiff to miss.

  7. How about Teaser in the infamous brown velour suit at the ’77 Brownlow? What woman could possibly resist ….

  8. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    Footy sexy has to be combo looks ‘n’ skills. Plenty had one or t’other.

    Tick tick tick to Wanganeen. Captain of the Team.
    Aaron Davey, although he was almost TOO beautiful. I could barely look at the screen.

    Micky O was everything.
    Reckon Melican’s the new apprentice for the Swans. We call him ‘the Swarthe’ up in Row U.

  9. Peter_B says:

    I have never seen a physique remotely as dramatic and compelling as Nic Naitanui. I was saving the answer up for Rove, but who could resist dark chocolate?
    Mark Nicoski had the chiselled Margaret River surfie look perfected.
    Ben had it all but as he’s been around in everything but the Warrnambool bike race. Stewards disqualification.
    Jako’s a bit Arnold Schwarzenegger for my taste.

  10. Danielle says:

    Hahaha love this.

    Let’s see um well I’d have to nominate
    FASOLO hehe

    Most younger girls are obsessed with Jamie Elliot.
    Him and Josh Thomas in the same room would cause a frenzy.

    I recall a sign in the cheersquad that read ‘SEXY TAZ’ early directed at Chris Tarrant

    Google Brodie Holland Dancing with the stars, I promise ull be impressed.

    I think Marc Murphy would act like he belonged in this group even though I wouldn’t pick him

    Other guys who are easy on the eyes – Brett Deledio, Andrew swallow, David zaharakis, Jeremy Howe, Brian Taylor.

  11. Shane Backx says:

    Pants Millane cut a swathe through the ladies

  12. Rulebook says:

    Gold Phil Mattress Primus a glaring omission geez the quality of female company he bought back to the
    Redlegs club in his Norwood days was always v v high,Craig Ned Kelly held his own and Neville Rocky Roberts http://www.footyalmanac.com.au/neville-rocky-roberts-gun/ also ( love to add more )

  13. Surely Buddy should get a mention!

  14. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    Oh goodness and what about Jimmy Bartel? The thinking woman’s footballer.

  15. Named on the interchange bench Mathilde

  16. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    Aha, yes! Phew. Thanks Gerry. Hope he gets some good minutes.

  17. Katie Purvis says:

    Well this is all very heteronormative! Surely I’m not the only non-straight Almanac reader? Melissa Hickey (Melbourne AFLW) for mine. On a purely aesthetic level, I always liked looking at Andrew Leoncelli when he played for the Demons.

  18. Rabid Dog says:

    Where’s Wazza? I thought he’d be Captain/Coach

  19. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Gerry – Of, course Teaser in the Brown Velvet into the ruck at the expense of Fossil Newman ! Great get.

    MdH – Super nominations. Absolutely has to be combo. No-one get by on looks alone in this team. Micky O both a warrior and an empath. What a combination. Aaron Davey also worthy and thanks for the heads up on the Melican brief. Will have to check him out. Wanganeen ? What’s not to like?

    PB – Nic Nat a fine nomination. I just can’t get past the dopey expression. Physique is superb. Nicoski a nice mix of Macedonian mountain stock and Margaret River surfie. Who could resist that? Jacko’s great skill probably got him over the line. He was a terminator at CHB.

    Danni – I feel a bit nervous intruding on your domain of expertise. Fas is okay, but I doubt he’ll receive any Archibald offers. Taz as mentioned earlier definite contender. Brodie Holland? Remember those naughty Windsor Smith Ads he was in in the early 2000’s? Lots of love for Jeremy Howe from me. Tommy Phillips has a gorgeous smile and those eyes that sparkle. Have a close look if you haven’t already ! Surely, Brian Taylor is a typo?

    Shane – Pants and Banksy were a formidable tag team I reckon.

    Book – Mattress Primus? Never knew he was that good ! Ned Kelly also some great early form at Collingwood along with Millane and Banks as mentioned above.

    Jan – Considered Buddy. He should be in the team. Fine nomination.

    Katie – I think you’ll find that there’s more than a dash of homoerotic fantasy happening here by men for men! Point taken, though. Would love to see a team that is diverse for sure. Leoncelli a strong nomination. Cheers

    Rabid – Not Warwick Capper surely ?

    Thanks for sharing the love Almanackers !

  20. bowchamp says:

    Katie, I’m more than happy to step up & give a considered, queer opinion …
    There’s a particular era @ Collingwood where the usual & expected thug-look of the past was totally eliminated – yes, it was under ‘Silver Fox’ Malthouse’s reign, so no real surprises, I s’pose.

    I’m quite sure I’m not the only Collingwood supporter who remembers that era – physiques surpassed Statue of David’s & a certain group of supporters even created the annual ‘Developing Along Nicely’ (an expression commonly used in the Opening Round when observing the obvious physical changes from the previous year) Award in response & for all the blatant reasons.

    Brodie Holland was doing artistic nude centrefolds, Paul Licuria was modelling for artists (both these lads also especially impressed many when they were forced to disrobe on ‘Dancing With The Stars’ & were duly rewarded handsomely for the task) , Chris Tarrant was effortlessly leaving people gob-smacked not just with his face & bod, but when he was forced to speak & people realised how intelligent he was , & the Wakelin twins were the stuff of fantasy/romance novels.

    Shane Woewodin & Tarkyn Lockyer ably represented the blondes & unsurprisingly Tarkyn was sponsored by the Pink Magpies, whilst Alan Didak’s best was clearly yet to come -his recent appearance at a Club Function unofficially & unanimously earned him an all-capital DILF moniker, after the sharp intake of breath moment had passed.

    Some people might remember Buckley’s physique at the time – it was such that it not only made the front page of the Little Paper, but a certain prominent footy radio-caller was left speechless when he stumbled into once trying to describe the ‘fitness’ of it – a delicious moment, to be sure …
    Anthony Rocca’s just-woken eyes, charm & half-smiles won hearts, just as many admirers found Simon Prestigiacomo’s notorious silences to be absolutely swoon-worthy.

    And who can ever forget those glorious early Winter Monday (& speedo-clad) mornings at the beach – not seen before, unlikely to be seen again … though Fasolo, Elliott & 2-3 others seem determined to be remembered for more than their footy skills.

  21. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Quite a ball-boggling list you’ve compiled there Bowchamp !
    DILF Didak one of my all-time faves. No love for Ryan Lonie, Jarrod Molloy, Rupert Betheras or ‘Stunning’ Steve McKee ?

  22. Rulebook says:

    Hey Phil trust me the Mattress Primus name was earned by sheer quality plenty of males were shattered when he started going out with his now wife no more potential cast offs or brilliant mickey merving.
    Plenty of stories re Darren Millane,Denis Banks and Ned.For SA and Norwood followers Mike Poulter,Rick Neagle and Des O Dwyer would be other serious contenders

  23. Carole Fabian says:

    Where’s Easton Wood? He could be a bloody movie star. And what about the gorgeous Matty Pavlich? (Yep, tall dark and handsome are clearly my bent, and don’t mind the occasional interesting nose.) For short, dark and handsome, Daniel Giansiracusa.

  24. Danielle says:

    OMG I FORGOT BEN COUSINS

  25. Burkie says:

    Denis Marshall certainly had Cats fans hearts fluttering back in the sixties. With his dark good looks and outstanding footy ability he was loved at Geelong and admired elsewhere. Runner-up to Skilts in the Brownlow one year he retired young and went back to WA all too soon.

    Cheers, Burkie

  26. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Cheers Book – Thanks for nominating the SA contingent.

    Carole – Easton Wood and Matty Pavlich good nominations. Gia went alright in the early days. Tom Boyd?

    Danni – WTF with Cousins again? Was a stunner in his playing days. How about Jack Anthony and Paul Medhurst? A couple of your early Magpie crushes as I recall !

    Thanks Burkie – Denis Marshall certainly a handsome fellow and a great footballer. Thought Peter Walker was also easy on the eyes from that era, too. Cheers

  27. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    Oh and … David Wirrapanda! I was reminded of him on Marngrook last night! Dashing.

    With reference to Mickey R’s piece and his ‘alliteratives’ Josh Jenkins and Mitch McGovern, I would like to request an alliterative team or is it just a ‘double initial’ team? It would have a ready made ruckman in Nic Natanui. Steele Sidebottom by his side. Cockatoo Collins in the forward line up with Mickey’s mates …

  28. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    Mathilde ! Alliteatives? Now there’s a challenge. Will try to find 22 using initials like AA or BB etc once. Wirrapanda kicking torps out of full-back was against the Pies in ’03 was something to behold.

  29. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    Funny that this post keeps dragging me back …

    My Cob got in from Brissy last night and reminded me of … Brisbane’s Darryl White. He wore the long sleeves and loose curls and was as silky as they come. We used to call him ‘the Porn Star’.

    He also reminded me of Craig Bolton. I’d never been into blonds. But he was so attractive – his unshakeable capacity and minimum fuss. A quiet achiever. But solid and tough as they come. And intelligent. When the Cygnet was born, with his blondish curls and fine features, fellow Swans who knew my penchant for the number 6 used to giggle about doubtful paternity.

  30. Phillip Dimitriadis says:

    What a gorgeous connection MdH. Darryl was a smooth mover who made the game look effortless, even more so with the accouterment of the pornstache. Craig Bolton definite hardness,intelligence and grit under boy-next door good looks. I’m loving the specificity !

  31. Stone Cold Steve Baker says:

    I know it’s easy from the cheap seats LB, but I’d always go with Gia over Johnno when it comes to the tri-colours!!!

    Love your work?

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